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[S] Capy's Survivor: Vanuatu (S9)

2020.08.12 22:33 CapybaraWookiee [S] Capy's Survivor: Vanuatu (S9)

Hello! Welcome or welcome back to Capy's Survivor! This season we are headed to the ever-so vast Vanuatu! We are once again playing the game of outwitting, outplaying, and outlasting your fellow castaways, whether that be by flirtatious behavior, backstabbing your opponents, or making plenty of allies. This is Capy's Survivor: Vanuatu!
MEET THE CASTWAYS:
Lopevi Tribe:
Yasur Tribe:
The Season: Capy's Survivor: Vanuatu
Episode 1: The camera zooms in onto a boat carrying castaway, approaching the beautiful island of Vanuatu. It moves over and there is the host, standing there waiting for the castaways to arrive on the beach, the basket of buffs in hand. The boat land on the beach and the 18 castaways step off. The host asks the castaways if any of them have ever seen The Amazon? They all nod, he tells them that is good because this season, they are bringing back the tribe divide by gender. He then hands everyone their buffs. He hands the guys, Bron, Clarence, Clay, Cristian, Evan, Lord of Random, Marshall, Flashman, and Tom, the red buffs, stating that they are on the red Lopevi tribe. He then hands the women, Blizz, Caitlin, Gem, Lori, Mari, Mrs. Evans, Talia, Nevaeh, and Whitney, the yellow buffs, stating that they are on the yellow Yasur tribe. He then informs them that they can head back to their camps.
At the Lopevi camp, things are already brewing. Clarence decides he needs some votes at tribal council and approaches some people with an offer of an alliance. He approaches Bron, as he seems like a strategic and psychical threat. Bron agrees that he needs votes with him this early on, and aligns with Clarence. Clarence also approaches Tom, who he sees as a mental player, and he could help them out with mental challenges. Tom, thinking the same thing as Bron and Clarence, agrees to join the alliance. But Tom might not be as smart as they think, because both Bron and Clarence are smart enough to decide not to put their full loyalty into the alliance, as the people, they allied with might change over the course of the season. While that is happening, Clay is also trying to find a power alliance. He manages to convince Evan to join his alliance and says the reason why is because he could use Evan as a mental shield. He also approaches Flashman and Cristian for psychical challenges, and as meatshields, they also accept, saying that they need allies this early on if they want to stay in the game, at least according to older seasons. Clay and Flashman also approached the Lord of Random to try to get him in the alliance, as he seems like a strategic mastermind. But he declines, saying that he doesn’t need allies, especially this early in the game. Clarence is the first one to find Marshall, who is over by the beach deep in thought observing a fish in the sea. He asks him to join his alliance, as he seems like a meatshield and a strategic threat. He declines, saying that he would really have to trust you, and even then, it is too early in the game to make a game-changing decision like that. Clarence understands, and promptly walks off.
Episode 2: The Yasur tribe gets all 8 of their members on the platform first, winning them the first reward challenge of the season, along with a comfort crate containing hammocks, blankets, and pillows. At the immunity challenge, Lopevi completes their puzzle, thanks to Tom and Lord of Random, and climbs their scaffolding first, meaning that Yasur will be going to their second tribal council in a row.
Marshall and Bron have a major fight over Marshall never helping out around camp. How he just sits by the sea and studies the wildlife, he says this is Survivor, not a business trip. Clarence and Tom are now thinking it is probably a good thing that he isn’t in their alliance, as he would put an unnecessary target on their backs. Lord of Random is out in the woods collecting firewood, when Clarence comes up to him and asks him if he still doesn’t want to join their alliance, the Lord of Random just sits there, no response. Clay, Evan, Cristian, and Flashman are strategizing about who to send home next when they go to tribal council, they all agree that it should probably be Marshall, because he isn’t aligned with anyone, and he doesn’t do anything, or Clarence, because he is the leader of the other alliance in the camp. At the Yasur camp, they are talking about who they should actually send home at that night’s tribal council. After defying her last episode, Talia is infuriated at Gem, and she thinks if they go to any more tribals, she is a goner. So she approaches the other alliance, telling them that for safety if they would vote out Gem. Because she is untrustworthy and a social threat. They tell her sure. But Nevaeh thinks they should vote her out, as she won’t be an easy target later on, and she just ensured herself safety for the person she wants to go home. They ignore her. Talia tells Gem and Caitlin that some people on the other alliance agreed to vote out Mari. Talia herself isn’t voting for Gem because she doesn’t want to be untrustworthy in Caitlin’s eyes, as she doesn’t know if they will both make it to a swap or the merge, and Caitlin will paint her as an untrustworthy person. At tribal council, by a vote of 5-3, Gem, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 3: The Yasur tribe wins their second reward challenge in a row, winning themselves fishing and snorkeling gear. The host also announces a twist right after the reward challenge. That both tribes will be going to a tribal council that night, and both tribes will be voting someone out. He also announces as the winners of the reward challenge, the 7 people of the Yasur tribe are the only people who can compete for individual immunity tomorrow. Lori wins the individual immunity challenge, and both tribes are headed to tribal.
At the Lopevi camp, Flashman and Clay bond slightly, and say that if they had to vote someone from the alliance out, it wouldn’t be one of them. At the Yasur camp, Talia approaches Mrs. Evans and starts talking with her. She tells her that she and Caitlin are voting for Blizz and that she should convince Nevaeh and Mari to vote with them, as Blizz is playing an “assassin” game, where she is going to be quiet at the start, and then win challenges at the end to get ahead. Mrs. Evans goes to her Nevaeh and Mari with this, but Nevaeh doesn’t want to have a target on her back and convinces them that Caitlin, as a psychical threat, needs to go more than Blizz does. They agree with her. At the Lopevi camp, they are talking about who to send home. Tom tells his alliance that Lord of Random is probably the biggest threat right now, as he is a threat all-around, and could easily win if he makes the merge, they approach Marshall with this offer. He agrees. The majority alliance talks about voting out Tom, as he is a mental threat, and he is basically running the other alliance, they approach both Lord of Random and Marshall, they both agree with this, and tell the alliance they will be voting for them. But, after both alliances have left, Lord of Random and Marshall talk about it and decide they don’t want to become too loyal to an alliance right now and decide to vote for a random person to throw away their votes. Both the tribes arrive at tribal council, the host tells the Lopevi tribe to sit and calls the Yasur tribe up to the voting area. After strategizing and the host asking questions, it is time to vote. At Yasur’s tribal council, by a vote of 5-2, Caitlin, the tribe has spoken. The host then calls the Lopevi tribe up to the voting area. Once again, after the host asking some questions, it is time to vote. By a vote of 4-3-2, Tom, the tribe has spoken. The tribes say goodbye to Caitlin and Tom as their torches get snuffed and say goodbye.
Episode 4: The Yasur tribe wins their third reward challenge, winning a day of advice from a local survival guide. The Lopevi tribe once again wins immunity, sending the Yasur tribe right back to the tribe. Back at the Yasur camp, Talia and Mrs. Evans have a major fight because Mrs. Evans, the teacher who is really coming out here, thinks Talia is not helping out as much as she should be. Despite this, they still make plans to vote Blizz out and approach everyone with this except Blizz. Lori and Nevaeh still think that Blizz isn’t much of a threat and that she could be an easy vote outcome merge, so they approach her and tell her about their campaigning. She finally speaks up and tells them to vote out Mrs. Evans, as nobody is going to vote her out, and if there are any mental immunity challenges, they aren’t going to be able to beat her. She also says that she is causing unnecessary drama around camp. They agree with her and go to Mari with this, she shockingly agrees with Blizz as well. At tribal council, by a vote of 4-2, Mrs. Evans, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 5: The host calls the tribes to the challenge area, and tells them about a twist. They are bringing back the tribe swap for this season, but there is an extra twist. There will be 2 chosen “chiefs” from each tribe who will decide the tribes. Yasur chooses Blizz, while Lopevi chooses Clay. The host says Lopevi can go first. Clay’s first choice is Cristian, as he is a physical competitor, who is also a close ally of Clay’s. Blizz chooses Flashman, as he is a meatshield, and could help the tribe out in immunity challenges. Clay’s next choice is Talia, as he has seen her in action at tribal council, and thinks she will be a great addition to the team for challenges and strategically. Blizz chooses Lord of Random, as she has seen him at tribal, and thinks that he is a good strategist and a good addition to the team challenge-wise. Clay chooses Nevaeh, as she is a great addition to the tribe for her strategic and mental prowess. Who is also very loyal to her alliances, if she trusts them. Blizz chooses Lori, as she is a close ally of Blizz’s who is also great at challenges and strategy. Clay then chooses Bron, as he is on Clay’s current tribe, and knows how to manipulate people, which could be handy at the merge. Blizz chooses Clarence, as he can be good in challenges, and she knows he is the head of an alliance at the other camp. Clay’s final choice is Evan, as he is a social threat, and that is what his tribe needs. Blizz chooses Mari for the same reason. Marshall chooses to join Blizz’s tribe (Yasur) because he has closer allies in that tribe, and he thinks it looks stronger than Lopevi.
At the Lopevi camp, Clay, Bron, Cristian, and Evan create an alliance, really only for safety and votes. Nevaeh and Talia also make an alliance, hoping for the best and hoping for swing votes. At Yasur, the same thing happens. Clarence, Flashman, Lord of Random, and Marshall create an alliance for votes. While Blizz, Lori, and Mari create an alliance and hope for a swing vote. The Lopevi tribe wins the reward challenge, winning themselves a trip to the waterfalls, with a basket of Pringles and beer. Though, in the immunity challenge, the Yasur tribe beats them out, sending the new Lopevi tribe to their first tribal council. The guy's alliance decides to vote out Talia, as she is a psychical and strategic threat, but once Bron leaves, they discuss their actual plan. Their actual plan is to get the girls on board and vote out Bron, as he is a psychical threat, and they know the merge is coming relatively soon. They approach Nevaeh and Talia and tell them this plan, but they think that Bron will be a good ally to keep in the game. So they approach him telling him this. They decide to force a rock draw by voting for Evan and hope for the best. At tribal council, there is a 3-3 tie between Evan and Bron. The revote is a 2-2 tie between Evan and Bron. The host calls Clay, Cristian, Nevaeh, and Talia up to draw rocks. He then tells them to flip over their hand and reveal the rock. At tribal council, by the draw of the purple rock, Talia, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 6: The Yasur tribe wins the reward challenge, winning themselves steak and eggs. The Yasur tribe also wins the immunity challenge, sending the Lopevi tribe to tribal council. After the last tribal council, tensions are high at the Lopevi camp. They all agree that they will vote out Nevaeh, but don’t think the alliance will last through the merge. Nevaeh knows about this little crack in the alliance, and approaches Cristian and Bron, telling them that Clay is more of a psychical threat and social threat. At tribal council, by a unanimous vote of 4-2, Nevaeh, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 7: The Lopevi tribe wins the reward challenge and a trip to a cafe, where they enjoy coffee, juices, treats, and letters from home. The Yasur tribe wins their third immunity challenge in a row. At the Lopevi tribe, they are trying to decide who to vote out. Bron thinks that Evan is the biggest threat right now because he is hiding behind his allies waiting to strike. Clay and Evan decide it will be best to vote out Cristian, as he is doing the same thing as Evan, but he is also a psychical threat, so he might actually win if they don’t get him out soon. They approach Bron with this offer, which he gladly “accepts”. Bron afterward goes to Cristian and tells him the other alliance's plan, alongside his own plan. Cristian agrees, but only because he knows if there is a revote, he will be safe. At tribal council, there is a 2-2 tie. After stating their cases, there is a revote. The vote is a 1-1 tie. The host calls Clay and Brown up to the stand and tells them to draw a rock. Evan and Cristian don’t care who goes home, as they are both threats. At tribal council, by the draw of the purple rock, Bron, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 8: The host calls the tribes to the challenge area, and announces what they have all been waiting for. The merge. He congratulates Blizz, Clarence, Clay, Cristian, Evan, Lord of Random, Lori, Mari, Marshall, and Flashman on making it to the merge. Blizz, Lori, and Mari reform their final three pacts. Clay, Cristian, and Evan keep their alliance from the last couple of tribes. Clarence and Flashman, now a man down in their alliance, ask Marshall and Lord of Random to join their alliance, they finally decide it's late enough in the game to start making loyalties. All 7 guys make an alliance, their goal is to get the girls out as soon as possible. Blizz also creates an alliance with her tribe of 7 from the post-tribe swap, just for emergency votes.
Clarence wins the immunity challenge. Cristian and Lord of Random have a minor fight about who should go home. Cristian thinks that Flashman should go home because he is a psychical threat. But Lord of Random thinks that Evan should go home, as he is relying on his allies, and at the last moment is going to start winning challenges, also stating that he is a social threat, and can make other alliances and loyalties easily. The girls, alongside his close ally Marshall, and Flashman (obviously) side with Lord of Random, whilst Clay and Evan side with Cristian. Clay goes over and starts flirting with Lori, Mari, and Blizz, trying to convince them that Flashman should go home. But they have seen how far someone can go by doing that, citing Audra in Thailand. At tribal council, by a vote 7-3, Evan, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 9: Cristian wins the reward challenge, and brings Marshall along with him, in attempts to gain his trust. Flashman wins the immunity challenge, ruining Lord of Random’s plan of evicting him. Clay and his alliance decide that Mari is the biggest threat to their game because she is a social threat. The girls approach Marshall and Lord of Random to try to get their votes. But they want to stick with the guys, so they don’t put targets on their backs. At tribal council, by a vote of 5-3, Mari, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 10: Cristian, Marshall, Clay, and Blizz win the reward challenge, winning a trip to a Vanuatuan village. Marshall wins the immunity challenge. Knowing they have the numbers, Clarence rallies to get Cristian eliminated, because he is a threat to the game, he manages to get Flashman and Marshall on board with him. Little did he know, Blizz and Lori had already rallied to have Cristian gone, getting Lord of Random on their side. Clay and Cristian approached Lord of Random, Flashman, and Marshall to vote out Clarence, as he has proven he can’t be trusted, and because he has shown he is a psychical and strategic threat. They tell him they agree but think voting out Cristian is the better route, as it would also hurt Clay’s game, who has been running the show up until now. At tribal council, by a vote of 6-2, Cristian, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 11: Clay wins the reward challenge, winning an overnight stay with a loved one at the camp. Marshall wins the immunity challenge. Clay, knowing there is really nothing he can do, just relaxes for his final day at the camp. At tribal council, by a vote of 6-1, Clay, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 12: Clarence wins the reward challenge, he brings Blizz and Lord of Random on the resort trip with him, to try to gain their trust. Lori wins the immunity challenge, foiling the guys' plans of voting her out as an all-around threat. Clarence and the Lord of Random decide that Blizz is their best target, as they know she is an extreme mental and strategic threat. They rally to the other guys and they agree with this. But Lori and Blizz have a master plan. Lori goes and she flirts with Flashman and Clarence, easily winning back Flashman’s vote, but Clarence still isn’t convinced. Blizz has already approached Marshall and has been having a conversation with him, in attempts to gain his trust. Flashman comes over and tries to convince Marshall to vote for Lord of Random, based on what Lori just said to him. With the 2 efforts combined, they get Marshall’s vote. Blizz then goes to Clarence, and tells him what she said to Marshall, and tells him to go talk to Flashman if he isn't convinced. Because he is close friends with Blizz, and after talking to Flashman, he makes up his mind. At tribal council, by a unanimous vote of 5-1, Lord of Random, the tribe has spoken.
Episode 13: Blizz wins the reward challenge, and a trip to Yasur mountain, she brings Clarence along, as he is her closest friend and she also needs to get his for-sure vote. Flashman wins immunity. When they get back to camp, Marshall is rallying to get Blizz eliminated because she is a strategic threat, but the one thing people didn’t expect her to be at the start was a social threat, but because of her close bonds with Lori and Clarence, and Lori’s flirtiness around Flashman, they have their votes secured. At tribal council, by a unanimous vote of 4-1, Marshall, the tribe has spoken.
Finale: The host calls the tribe over to the challenge area, and the first thing he does is congratulate Blizz, Clarence, Lori, and Flashman on making it to the final 4. He then announces the immunity challenge will be happening right then and there. Clarence wins the immunity challenge, and they head back to camp.
Back at camp, Lori, knowing she is probably going home next, decides to pull a Clay and just relax at camp on her final days. She makes weak attempts to flirt with Clarence to try to get his vote, but his friendship with Blizz is all-around just too strong, and by the time she decides to try to flirt with Flashman, he had already essentially been brainwashed by Blizz to vote with them for Lori. At tribal council, by a unanimous vote of 3-1, Lori, the tribe has spoken.
Clarence and Blizz stay up late into the morning, just talking and saying it's them in the final 2 together. That morning, it was a close competition between Flashman and Clarence, almost too close, but Clarence managed to clinch onto the win, making him the winner of the final immunity challenge. Because of his closeness with Blizz, and because he thinks he can win against either Blizz or Flashman, he decides to bring Blizz to the Final Tribal Council with him. At tribal council, by a unanimous vote of 1-0, Flashman, the tribe has spoken.
The Reunion: Clarence and Blizz state their cases. Blizz says she all-in-all played a better and more involved game than Clarence, and never hid behind her allies, like Clarence. Clarence fights back with Blizz has more blood on her hands, sure, neither of them played an exactly villainous game, but he has less blood on his hands than Blizz. After the jury questioning and voting, the votes are read. By a vote of 4-3, congratulations Blizz! You are the winner of Capy’s Survivor: Vanuatu!
Possible Returnees: Blizz, Clarence, Flashman, Lori, Lord of Random, Clay, Bron, Nevaeh, and Talia.
Leave your opinions about future all-stars, your favorites, and the season itself down below.
submitted by CapybaraWookiee to BrantSteele [link] [comments]


2020.07.19 17:25 Shanemoto [For Hire] Geology HW due 7/20

I need to hire someone to complete this Geology lab by 7/20.
Here are the details:
Severe Weather, GEOG 314U, Summer 2020
Homework 2: “Super Tuesday” tornado outbreak
Name:
Scores:
Part 1 / 2.5
Part 2 / 2.5
Bonus / 2.0
Total / 5
Deducted points and explanation indicated in red text.
Due Monday July 20 at 3:30 pm. Please submit the assignment to the D2L dropbox.
You can draw by hand on the maps provided and scan afterward (phone pictures ok as long as they are legible), or you can use computer software to draw on the maps digitally.
If you have difficulty accessing a scanner to upload hand-drawn isolines, please email me with plenty of time before the due date so that we can arrange alternate means of completing the assignment.
On February 5, 2008 (during the “Super Tuesday” primary election day), portions of the South were hit by a historic severe weather outbreak. For this homework you will analyze meteorological data from this event. Please follow the instructions below and provide answers where requested.
Part I: The setup [2.5 points]
Please use the map entitled “Super_tuesday_Feb5_18z.pdf” provided in the D2L homework folder to complete this portion of the homework. 18z refers to the time, which is 18 UTC (z stands for “zulu” and is the equivalent to UTC)
This map is from the middle of the day, about 6 hours before the most severe of the thunderstorms developed.
  1. Contour the isolines of constant dewpoint temperature every 4 degrees. There are going to be a lot of contours! You can start with 68 degrees, which is the highest contour you will need. Contour decreasing isolines until you reach 20 degrees. Hint: near the cold front there will be a very very sharp dewpoint gradient so the lines will be very close together there. Please see the “drawing isolines” link on D2L under supplemental material for an example video of how to draw isolines on top of a map with station observations.
  2. After contouring the dewpoint it will be clear that there is ample moisture ahead of a front and a very dry airmass immediately behind the front. Using this information alone, highlight a region that you would keep your eye on for severe thunderstorms if you were a weather forecaster.
Provide your reasoning for highlighting this area here:
Part II: The event [2.5 points]
Please use the map entitled “Super_tuesday_Feb6_0z.pdf” provided in the D2L homework folder to complete this portion of the homework.
This map is from the evening when the severe weather outbreak was in full force.
3) This time contour the isolines of temperature (not dewpoint) every 4 degrees. Isolines of temperature are also called isotherms. These contours will highlight the dramatic effect of the cold front advancing into the moist warm airmass. Notice how cold the air is behind the front compared to the air ahead of the front, This was February after all!
4) Now look at the temperature profile in the file “LittleRock _sounding.pdf.” This is a temperature profile taken from Little Rock, Arkansas at the same time as the 0z map. There are several qualities of this sounding that are favorable for severe thunderstorms. They relate to moisture, stability, and wind. The yellow line is the path an air parcel would follow if lifted…the more it is to the right of the red line (which is the actual temperature) the more CAPE and more updraft speed.
Is there strong vertical wind shear [does the wind speed increase quickly with height]?
Is there ample moisture near the surface [are there high dewpoints in the lower atmosphere]?
Once the parcel is lifted to condensation, will it stay warmer than its surroundings for a long distance upward [is the yellow line far to the right of the red line]?
5) There is also a map of low-level winds for the same time under “925mbwinds_supertuesday.pdf.” This shows the low-level jet is strong and bringing lots of warm and moist Gulf of Mexico air into the region ahead of the front. Using all this information, where do you think there will be severe thunderstorms in the next 6 hours? Shade the region and justify your answer with a sentence or two.
Below is a map of what actually happened. You can use this all you want, you will not be graded on whether or not your analysis was accurate, you are graded on the justification of your analysis.
BONUS QUESTION WORTH 2 POINTS: Name all 9 of the states that recorded tornadoes.
submitted by Shanemoto to domyhomeworkforme [link] [comments]


2020.07.19 00:03 Shanemoto Geology lab HW due on 7/20

I need to hire someone to complete this Geology lab by 7/20.

Here are the details:
Severe Weather, GEOG 314U, Summer 2020
Homework 2: “Super Tuesday” tornado outbreak
Name:
Scores:
Part 1 / 2.5
Part 2 / 2.5
Bonus / 2.0
Total / 5
Deducted points and explanation indicated in red text.
Due Monday July 20 at 3:30 pm. Please submit the assignment to the D2L dropbox.
You can draw by hand on the maps provided and scan afterward (phone pictures ok as long as they are legible), or you can use computer software to draw on the maps digitally.
If you have difficulty accessing a scanner to upload hand-drawn isolines, please email me with plenty of time before the due date so that we can arrange alternate means of completing the assignment.
On February 5, 2008 (during the “Super Tuesday” primary election day), portions of the South were hit by a historic severe weather outbreak. For this homework you will analyze meteorological data from this event. Please follow the instructions below and provide answers where requested.
Part I: The setup [2.5 points]
Please use the map entitled “Super_tuesday_Feb5_18z.pdf” provided in the D2L homework folder to complete this portion of the homework. 18z refers to the time, which is 18 UTC (z stands for “zulu” and is the equivalent to UTC)
This map is from the middle of the day, about 6 hours before the most severe of the thunderstorms developed.
1) Contour the isolines of constant dewpoint temperature every 4 degrees. There are going to be a lot of contours! You can start with 68 degrees, which is the highest contour you will need. Contour decreasing isolines until you reach 20 degrees. Hint: near the cold front there will be a very very sharp dewpoint gradient so the lines will be very close together there. Please see the “drawing isolines” link on D2L under supplemental material for an example video of how to draw isolines on top of a map with station observations.
2) After contouring the dewpoint it will be clear that there is ample moisture ahead of a front and a very dry airmass immediately behind the front. Using this information alone, highlight a region that you would keep your eye on for severe thunderstorms if you were a weather forecaster.
Provide your reasoning for highlighting this area here:
Part II: The event [2.5 points]
Please use the map entitled “Super_tuesday_Feb6_0z.pdf” provided in the D2L homework folder to complete this portion of the homework.
This map is from the evening when the severe weather outbreak was in full force.
3) This time contour the isolines of temperature (not dewpoint) every 4 degrees. Isolines of temperature are also called isotherms. These contours will highlight the dramatic effect of the cold front advancing into the moist warm airmass. Notice how cold the air is behind the front compared to the air ahead of the front, This was February after all!
4) Now look at the temperature profile in the file “LittleRock _sounding.pdf.” This is a temperature profile taken from Little Rock, Arkansas at the same time as the 0z map. There are several qualities of this sounding that are favorable for severe thunderstorms. They relate to moisture, stability, and wind. The yellow line is the path an air parcel would follow if lifted…the more it is to the right of the red line (which is the actual temperature) the more CAPE and more updraft speed.
Is there strong vertical wind shear [does the wind speed increase quickly with height]?
Is there ample moisture near the surface [are there high dewpoints in the lower atmosphere]?
Once the parcel is lifted to condensation, will it stay warmer than its surroundings for a long distance upward [is the yellow line far to the right of the red line]?
5) There is also a map of low-level winds for the same time under “925mbwinds_supertuesday.pdf.” This shows the low-level jet is strong and bringing lots of warm and moist Gulf of Mexico air into the region ahead of the front. Using all this information, where do you think there will be severe thunderstorms in the next 6 hours? Shade the region and justify your answer with a sentence or two.
Below is a map of what actually happened. You can use this all you want, you will not be graded on whether or not your analysis was accurate, you are graded on the justification of your analysis.
BONUS QUESTION WORTH 2 POINTS: Name all 9 of the states that recorded tornadoes.
submitted by Shanemoto to domyhomeworkforme [link] [comments]


2020.06.12 22:11 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: LittleRock posts from 2019-09-23 to 2020-06-11 19:11 PDT

Period: 262.19 days
Submissions Comments
Total 994 9947
Rate (per day) 3.79 37.80
Unique Redditors 499 1690
Combined Score 24834 34835

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

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    3. Taco stand opened up this week in front of Mercado San Jose on Rodney Parham (111 points, 24 comments)
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    5. Some Little Rock restaurants don't feel comfortable opening for dining on May 11 (102 points, 28 comments)
    6. Chicken vindaloo, chicken tandoori, dal tadka,rice, naan and a desert for $50 - Taj Mahal family dinner damn (101 points, 39 comments)
    7. I know it's not going to stick but it's snowing! (101 points, 12 comments)
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    10. Del Campo a La Ciudad has toilet paper if anyone is still looking for some (80 points, 15 comments)
  2. 861 points, 23 submissions: starbearer92
    1. FAMILY MEAL package from Star of India - rice, naan, samosas and entree dish for 40$ plus tax - feeds 10-12 people (156 points, 36 comments)
    2. BREAKING: Protesters have shut down I-630 in Downtown Little Rock (101 points, 25 comments)
    3. BREAKING: Emergency declared for COVID-19 in Little Rock (79 points, 49 comments)
    4. Little Rock mayor announces mandate for restaurants and bars to only offer takeout, curbside and hom (75 points, 17 comments)
    5. Congratulations Little Rock! WE DID IT (61 points, 3 comments)
    6. Everyone, please stay away from downtown (53 points, 29 comments)
    7. Lonely during the holidays in Little Rock? (47 points, 12 comments)
    8. Community Transfer COVID-19 case confirmed in Little Rock (38 points, 12 comments)
    9. Little Rock Mayor signs executive order to set nighttime curfew beginning 10 p.m. Monday (38 points, 8 comments)
    10. Digital Original: America’s first video store owner clicking the stop button in Little Rock after 40+ years (36 points, 8 comments)
  3. 844 points, 40 submissions: iamlittlerockian
    1. TIL: You can rent a downtown trolley streetcar with a bar, audio system, and you can hang a disco ball for up to 50 people. (59 points, 13 comments)
    2. Arkansas establishes hotline, website to report abuse of handicapped parking (56 points, 27 comments)
    3. Little Rock Curbside Recycling: where does it go, what it gets turned in to. (55 points, 10 comments)
    4. LRPD purchasing 250 body cams at $3,000 each for a total of $780,000 (48 points, 22 comments)
    5. Little Rock among the lowest ranking of Municipal Environment Survey for lack of leadership for energy, carbon, and light polution (47 points, 6 comments)
    6. Arkansas River Trail and the Dillard's Gap (43 points, 14 comments)
    7. Crime in Little Rock 2019 (43 points, 18 comments)
    8. Little Rock police arrested by other police (39 points, 3 comments)
    9. Ask not what you can do for Little Rock, but ask what Little Rock can do for YOU. A citizen guide to geting the city to respond. (35 points, 13 comments)
    10. 68% of LRPD officers live outside of the city. (33 points, 37 comments)
  4. 509 points, 6 submissions: dwarvenfriend
    1. Post from Mayor Scott on reviewing police policies. Also reduction of state police presence and review of deaths. (123 points, 55 comments)
    2. I feel like expired tags or cars with no plates at all are the norm vs exception in Little Rock. (94 points, 62 comments)
    3. Lights to music at the 5400 block of C in Little Rock. Worth the trip and props to the owner. (86 points, 7 comments)
    4. Somehow got this great pic. Usually not that good of a photog. (86 points, 6 comments)
    5. View from the top of Rattlesnake Ridge (69 points, 12 comments)
    6. Sherwood Forest displaying how Santa delivers presents in The Heights. (51 points, 3 comments)
  5. 497 points, 11 submissions: Static_Gobby
    1. Our skyline decorated for Christmas (99 points, 9 comments)
    2. Places to visit in Little Rock this weekend (90 points, 11 comments)
    3. Hurts Donuts offering free TP with every dozen donuts purchased (68 points, 20 comments)
    4. The LRPD was not using tear gas; it was the state police who used it. (66 points, 2 comments)
    5. The clouds slowly eating downtown (51 points, 5 comments)
    6. Walked outside this morning to this weather. Wasn’t it just on the 90’s like a week ago? (51 points, 12 comments)
    7. Saw this on Instagram and immediately thought of WLR. (48 points, 8 comments)
    8. Protesters temporarily block traffic on I-630 in downtown Little Rock (12 points, 2 comments)
    9. Even during a pandemic, you can’t drive through 630 construction at over 40 mph. (11 points, 6 comments)
    10. Are there any bike repair shops still open during quarantine? (1 point, 6 comments)
  6. 449 points, 13 submissions: PoppetFFN
    1. Rock Town Distillery offers free hand sanitizer. (75 points, 5 comments)
    2. Moving to LR? Where are good places to live? I've created a map. (62 points, 92 comments)
    3. Volunteer Group Donates 10,000 Masks to UAMS (46 points, 4 comments)
    4. Makers in the Little Rock Area- The Innovation Hub needs you to help make supplies for local hospitals etc. (43 points, 8 comments)
    5. It's Super Tuesday, time to vote. (40 points, 5 comments)
    6. 4 Things You Should Know About eBook Access at CALS (37 points, 1 comment)
    7. The Unenviable Position of a Southern Mayor As the COVID-19 crisis shifts south, Little Rock Mayor Frank Scott is navigating a whole different sort of city-state politics. (36 points, 5 comments)
    8. I didn't know we had Jazz in the Park. West Pavilion in Riverfront Park. (25 points, 1 comment)
    9. UAMS to offer free online screening for Covid 19. (25 points, 1 comment)
    10. Patio Weather is starting! 70 Little Rock Area Patios (21 points, 5 comments)
  7. 411 points, 16 submissions: SetMau92
    1. Over 10,000 LRSD students, 700 employees absent as teachers protest with one-day strike On Thursday, Nov. 14, Little Rock teachers lined the streets near Central High School to begin the one-day strike. (80 points, 4 comments)
    2. Trader Joe's in Little Rock finally opens on Oct. 22nd (69 points, 22 comments)
    3. First medical marijuana dispensary in Little Rock approved by state ABC issued a formal approval to Harvest House of Cannabis in Little Rock, located on Rodney Parham, to open for business. (58 points, 8 comments)
    4. City of Little Rock looking for ways to reduce waste, litter of single use plastic bags Single use plastic bags have been proven to harm land, waterway, and ocean environments as well as wildlife, fish, and other aquatic species. (51 points, 10 comments)
    5. Central Arkansas Pride puts on parade, rolls into Little Rock Riverfront Park for festival Saturday: Central Arkansas Pride, Riverfront Park. 2-6 p.m. (36 points, 7 comments)
    6. Little Rock police searching for woman seen taking packages from home (32 points, 7 comments)
    7. Rock Region Metro wants public's help in deciding network's future At the meetings, people can write what they like and dislike about the service, and even mark where routes should go. (22 points, 3 comments)
    8. Little Rock Names Chief Education Officer To Implement Community Schools (15 points, 1 comment)
    9. You can be a Santa to a senior citizen in Little Rock this Christmas Home Instead Senior Care's "Be a Santa To a Senior" program is in full swing. (14 points, 2 comments)
    10. An Attempt to Resegregate Little Rock, of All Places A battle over local control in a city that was the face of integration shows the extent of the new segregation problem in the U.S. (13 points, 0 comments)
  8. 355 points, 2 submissions: iiiiiiivvviviiviiiix
    1. Little Rock in Lego - updated and expanded! (199 points, 15 comments)
    2. Little Rock's skyline in Lego - what's your COVID-19 quarantine hobby? (156 points, 33 comments)
  9. 338 points, 8 submissions: thatsnotgneiss
    1. Bridges will be dark tonight (159 points, 10 comments)
    2. The crowd at the Elizabeth Warren town hall at the North Shore Riverwalk. (100 points, 29 comments)
    3. Crisis lines for Arkansas- I hope no one needs these but just in case. (33 points, 0 comments)
    4. Most trails at Pinnacle will be closed starting Friday (16 points, 0 comments)
    5. AC Hotel to open Downtown in February (9 points, 2 comments)
    6. CALS to host virtual Lawyers in the Library sessions about navigating the unique legal challenges related to COVID-19 (8 points, 0 comments)
    7. Local Podcaster Meetup? (7 points, 6 comments)
    8. Protest Live Streams 6.4.20 (6 points, 0 comments)
  10. 328 points, 7 submissions: xsited1
    1. Catfish City on University is closing after 36 years in business (84 points, 10 comments)
    2. At Briarwood Nursing Home and Rehab, 41 people have tested positive for coronavirus. That includes 35 patients and six staff members. (65 points, 9 comments)
    3. Man charged with felony for throwing Lime scooter into the Arkansas River (53 points, 26 comments)
    4. Boyle Park walk on Monday, 3/2/2020 (48 points, 0 comments)
    5. This is Creepy (36 points, 0 comments)
    6. Little Rock wedding venue abruptly closes, brides devastated (24 points, 3 comments)
    7. Boyle Park - Yellow Caution Tape around playground equipment (18 points, 6 comments)
  11. 328 points, 3 submissions: youngguac
    1. Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice (166 points, 36 comments)
    2. Y’all wanted us to stay off the interstate? Well they gassed us as we set in the surface street tonight in front of the capital. (109 points, 15 comments)
    3. Found this guy wondering around Hillcrest (53 points, 12 comments)
  12. 317 points, 1 submission: sparkmentalbutt
    1. My favorite sign from last night’s peaceful protest (317 points, 12 comments)
  13. 303 points, 14 submissions: KATV7
    1. North Little Rock police officer fired for striking homeless man for 'no apparent reason' (58 points, 8 comments)
    2. Little Rock Kroger employee tests positive for COVID-19 (46 points, 24 comments)
    3. What are the hidden gems of central Arkansas? We are looking for restaurants, shops, museums, etc. (39 points, 53 comments)
    4. Little Rock tightens curfew; mayor drops 1-cent tax proposal over economic uncertainty (30 points, 0 comments)
    5. 32 signs from the picket lines of the Little Rock teachers strike (24 points, 3 comments)
    6. In case you missed it: Costco plans to open store in Little Rock (22 points, 7 comments)
    7. Little Rock Police Officer charged in child pornography case (22 points, 4 comments)
    8. Rock Town Distillery creates hand sanitizer during coronavirus outbreak (22 points, 3 comments)
    9. A look inside Fidel & Co., Little Rock's newest coffee shop (16 points, 3 comments)
    10. Man dies after fight at North Little Rock Chicken King (14 points, 6 comments)
  14. 301 points, 5 submissions: gham1
    1. This town can be a real mixed bag, but stuff like this makes me love it. (150 points, 17 comments)
    2. Wish I had a better video of this guy- his moves are 10/10 (101 points, 12 comments)
    3. It doesn't say gently used, but someone in the comments noted, there's a head impression on the pillow. (26 points, 2 comments)
    4. Has anyone talked to a human at ADWS? (23 points, 22 comments)
    5. Frankes and Sack-It (1 point, 8 comments)
  15. 283 points, 5 submissions: thewolfman94
    1. Costco opening its’ first Arkansas location in Little Rock. Construction to begin this winter with planned grand opening of July 2021. (132 points, 51 comments)
    2. Looking west toward the Ouachita Mountains with Lake Maumelle meandering off to the right; taken from the western summit of Rattlesnake Ridge just outside West Little Rock. 2/9/2020 (72 points, 2 comments)
    3. Arkansas local breweries subreddit (40 points, 17 comments)
    4. Service industry folks or any other people who may be affected by any closings due to coronavirus outbreak—Kroger is hiring at just about all their locations in the metro area (Little Rock, North Little Rock, Conway, Maumelle, Cabot, Benton, Jacksonville). (35 points, 1 comment)
    5. Local cycling groups? (4 points, 2 comments)
  16. 280 points, 8 submissions: rgb_109_66_100
    1. A COVID-19 testing site is set to open on Monday, April 27, in the Shackleford Road Walmart parking lot (65 points, 3 comments)
    2. Indoor Nerf gun arena opened in NLR; all ages, soft darts (64 points, 4 comments)
    3. Little Rock Yellow Cab to offer free rides home during New Year celebrations - Rides will be paid for between 11 p.m. until 3 a.m. New Years Day (56 points, 6 comments)
    4. Little Rock Fire Department giving away about a dozen fire detectors designed for the deaf and hearing-impaired that will provide them with extra protection in the case of a house fire (36 points, 0 comments)
    5. Food distribution at Outlets of LR on April 28 from 10am until 2pm (25 points, 5 comments)
    6. Presidential Primary, State Representative, and JOP election March 3, 2020. You must be registered to vote by February 3, 2020. Early voting starts February 18. (17 points, 2 comments)
    7. Pregame fan fest at War Memorial today. It’s from 9:30am to 1pm and will have food trucks, music, inflatables (13 points, 4 comments)
    8. Early voting for District 34 happening now (4 points, 1 comment)
  17. 277 points, 6 submissions: sevolatte
    1. To the lone white guy in hill crest area on Kavanaugh holding BLM sign in the middle of afternoon.... (223 points, 26 comments)
    2. I am seeing crazy traffic lines in evening exiting LR and waiting on Northbound 430 trying to turn 40 towards Conway with lines sometimes extending all the way back up till Cantrell. All of this due to the construction on I40. Any idea till when when they'll keep that turn single lane? (22 points, 6 comments)
    3. Any recommendations regarding local places where I can get Dash Cam installed? (18 points, 21 comments)
    4. Any open notary public? (9 points, 6 comments)
    5. What is the best way to donate old pots and pans? (3 points, 3 comments)
    6. Any suggestions for good local restaurants with vegetarian and seafood options offering take outs during lunch hours in Conway? (2 points, 0 comments)
  18. 257 points, 3 submissions: 898rph
    1. Our Neighbors Understand (146 points, 21 comments)
    2. Red Moon Rising Over the Capitol (64 points, 6 comments)
    3. It’s nice outside today. LR 2-28-2020. (47 points, 2 comments)
  19. 241 points, 3 submissions: vegandread
    1. Protest @The capital. (138 points, 10 comments)
    2. NLR Kroger. Figured we had moved past this shit by now... (83 points, 42 comments)
    3. Right now (20 points, 0 comments)
  20. 236 points, 1 submission: BigLittleRock
    1. Love from Little Rock. (236 points, 8 comments)
  21. 220 points, 3 submissions: joshwooding
    1. I’m a powered parachute flight instructor and this was my view last night while flying towards Pinnacle Mountain. Almost 20 years of flying here and this view never gets old. (174 points, 14 comments)
    2. Some pics of Emerald Park in North Little Rock I took yesterday. We're super lucky to live with nature so close to us we can explore without having to worry about being around other people. Get out there and get some of this food for the soul! (33 points, 11 comments)
    3. Arkansas Specific COVID Dashboard (13 points, 2 comments)
  22. 184 points, 10 submissions: idontmeananyofthis
    1. Find the 10 toilet paper rolls hidden below! (59 points, 15 comments)
    2. I’m just gonna leave this here 😘 (44 points, 33 comments)
    3. Stay home! (24 points, 3 comments)
    4. Downtown was a Ghost town last night. (17 points, 3 comments)
    5. Looking for things to do within a reasonable driving distance from here. Make a weekend out of it. (11 points, 19 comments)
    6. Serious question. Where could I go to meet other singles? Are there singles clubs or speed dating? New to the area. Work too much lol (10 points, 22 comments)
    7. Adult sports / basketball leagues? (8 points, 5 comments)
    8. Best place as a single person to hangout on New Year’s Eve? (6 points, 4 comments)
    9. Salsa Lessons? (3 points, 5 comments)
    10. Places to go dancing that Aren’t the electric cowboy (2 points, 6 comments)
  23. 173 points, 3 submissions: jennyfromtharock
    1. 150+ Black-Owned Businesses to Support in Little Rock (138 points, 38 comments)
    2. New Curfew is now 8 PM...28 protesters arrested earlier today. (28 points, 27 comments)
    3. Tour Little Rock Murals (7 points, 0 comments)
  24. 167 points, 4 submissions: medroti007
    1. It's finally happening guys!! 🥳 (150 points, 23 comments)
    2. La Madeleine closes in Little Rock (9 points, 8 comments)
    3. In this state of emergency and economic uncertainty due to COVID-19, what are some of the local food banks one can donate too? (7 points, 2 comments)
    4. Recommendations for places to get prescription glasses for toddlers/children? (1 point, 1 comment)
  25. 166 points, 7 submissions: TWD41
    1. Over 500 New Covid Cases Today in Arkansas, Highest Single Day Number so Far (100 points, 103 comments)
    2. Can We Have a Store Inventory Thread? (18 points, 19 comments)
    3. My Experience in LR Over the Last Decade (17 points, 21 comments)
    4. Are Cops Here Pretty Strict On Expired Car Tags? (15 points, 32 comments)
    5. How is the AMC Theater on Chenal? (6 points, 8 comments)
    6. Any Restaurants in Town Where I Can Get Some Good Chicken Spaghetti? (5 points, 9 comments)
    7. What's Busking Like in LR? Anyone Tried It? Laws? (5 points, 11 comments)
  26. 162 points, 4 submissions: dotnofoolin
    1. On Jeopardy! yesterday. (74 points, 10 comments)
    2. Blue Angels Flyover tomorrow starting at 1:45. (53 points, 48 comments)
    3. Any ideas what these are? 5G equipment? They have been recently popping up around WLR after months of utility work on a lot of streets. (24 points, 18 comments)
    4. Little Rock has a subforum on Urban Planet. A useful resource for tracking business/restaurant activity, etc. (11 points, 4 comments)
  27. 151 points, 2 submissions: thv_11
    1. Everyone in Little Rock today (148 points, 24 comments)
    2. In case y'all didn't know, Scott Stapp from Creed is performing a free concert in LR on Tuesday. (3 points, 10 comments)
  28. 140 points, 2 submissions: TheTrailsAreCalling
    1. Thank you Little Rock for the great weekend (111 points, 17 comments)
    2. Visiting Little Rock for the Marathon (29 points, 18 comments)
  29. 139 points, 5 submissions: mccaro
    1. Edwards Food Giant on Cantrell ... employee tested COVID positive (57 points, 12 comments)
    2. The world just got better... Liquor delivery (45 points, 5 comments)
    3. El Chico Little Rock has permanently closed. Manager confirmed when I called this morning. (18 points, 12 comments)
    4. Minute Man coming to Jacksonville (close to Little Rock) (17 points, 11 comments)
    5. UP is laying off (2 points, 1 comment)
  30. 138 points, 7 submissions: surfwax95
    1. Cybersecurity experts weigh in on Governor Hutchinson saying the PUA whistleblower acted illegally: “They’re shooting the messenger … It creates a culture where they’re punishing people for doing the right thing.” (50 points, 18 comments)
    2. Little Rock, we have a problem: racists, guns and cops (42 points, 17 comments)
    3. Harvest House of Cannabis soft opening in Little Rock today (20 points, 1 comment)
    4. Social Security numbers, bank info and personal data left unprotected on Arkansas Pandemic Unemployment Assistance website (16 points, 5 comments)
    5. Rep. Flowers and Ryan Davis call for arrest, citizens review board investigation in Capitol View incident (6 points, 4 comments)
    6. Wild River Country fined for child labor violations (4 points, 0 comments)
    7. Frank Scott endorses Bloomberg for president (0 points, 4 comments)
  31. 137 points, 1 submission: dedr4ever
    1. Can’t stop, won’t stop (137 points, 13 comments)
  32. 134 points, 2 submissions: IsomDart
    1. View of the Little Rock Skyline from the top of the USS Razorback submarine (109 points, 10 comments)
    2. Looking for a Dungeons& Dragons or other tabletop games groups to play with. Ditched my unhealthy friends over the last couple years and looking to meet some new people. (25 points, 7 comments)
  33. 132 points, 1 submission: Xxrzar22
    1. Had a wonderful time in your city last week! (132 points, 7 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. Otontin (1158 points, 309 comments)
  2. thatsnotgneiss (653 points, 121 comments)
  3. dub273 (579 points, 98 comments)
  4. PoppetFFN (491 points, 116 comments)
  5. barktothefuture (473 points, 60 comments)
  6. anacrusis000 (432 points, 63 comments)
  7. iamlittlerockian (320 points, 70 comments)
  8. jelque (306 points, 74 comments)
  9. soapdonkey (293 points, 108 comments)
  10. TheAllDayThrowAway_ (289 points, 65 comments)
  11. grilledcheezy (268 points, 77 comments)
  12. AudiB9S4 (266 points, 99 comments)
  13. xsited1 (266 points, 57 comments)
  14. arkstfan (263 points, 60 comments)
  15. Watada (228 points, 56 comments)
  16. nubivagance (215 points, 31 comments)
  17. episodenick (213 points, 29 comments)
  18. zsanfusa (207 points, 40 comments)
  19. Rollergirl66 (205 points, 34 comments)
  20. dmv1975 (202 points, 57 comments)
  21. el_monstruo (176 points, 33 comments)
  22. thewolfman94 (170 points, 44 comments)
  23. shitrock420 (170 points, 42 comments)
  24. Davis1511 (166 points, 24 comments)
  25. starbearer92 (162 points, 48 comments)
  26. behold_the_j (155 points, 45 comments)
  27. Tigermilk___ (152 points, 17 comments)
  28. Static_Gobby (149 points, 50 comments)
  29. ilolz2 (149 points, 22 comments)
  30. janklepeterson (147 points, 38 comments)
  31. leinadbocaj (146 points, 38 comments)
  32. xopher314 (142 points, 27 comments)
  33. broooooooce (139 points, 31 comments)
  34. Mc_Jameis_scrong (134 points, 36 comments)
  35. dwarvenfriend (134 points, 30 comments)
  36. ucabearfan05 (133 points, 23 comments)
  37. therealtrousers (132 points, 54 comments)
  38. idontmeananyofthis (131 points, 58 comments)
  39. five-oh-one (128 points, 43 comments)
  40. dotnofoolin (128 points, 29 comments)
  41. willnotforget2 (126 points, 26 comments)
  42. TwistyTurret (126 points, 19 comments)
  43. goldenfatchild (124 points, 39 comments)
  44. TEMPWILLDELETESOON (121 points, 17 comments)
  45. Zoomalude (118 points, 25 comments)
  46. ArBirthNerd (118 points, 12 comments)
  47. hashonBLAST (117 points, 27 comments)
  48. andysay (117 points, 26 comments)
  49. Cheifjeans (117 points, 13 comments)
  50. ProperMelody (116 points, 41 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. My favorite sign from last night’s peaceful protest by sparkmentalbutt (317 points, 12 comments)
  2. Love from Little Rock. by BigLittleRock (236 points, 8 comments)
  3. To the lone white guy in hill crest area on Kavanaugh holding BLM sign in the middle of afternoon.... by sevolatte (223 points, 26 comments)
  4. Star of India family dinner is no joke, even included some toilet paper 😊 by Otontin (214 points, 27 comments)
  5. Little Rock in Lego - updated and expanded! by iiiiiiivvviviiviiiix (199 points, 15 comments)
  6. I’m a powered parachute flight instructor and this was my view last night while flying towards Pinnacle Mountain. Almost 20 years of flying here and this view never gets old. by joshwooding (174 points, 14 comments)
  7. Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice by youngguac (166 points, 36 comments)
  8. Bridges will be dark tonight by thatsnotgneiss (159 points, 10 comments)
  9. FAMILY MEAL package from Star of India - rice, naan, samosas and entree dish for 40$ plus tax - feeds 10-12 people by starbearer92 (156 points, 36 comments)
  10. Little Rock's skyline in Lego - what's your COVID-19 quarantine hobby? by iiiiiiivvviviiviiiix (156 points, 33 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 60 points: dmv1975's comment in Where are the Gay people?
  2. 59 points: blazfemi's comment in Little Rock-based Dillard's closes 200 stores in pandemic
  3. 56 points: barktothefuture's comment in Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice
  4. 49 points: aaronjd123's comment in Im desperate! Plz help me find muh dogo. His name is Benji and he is microchiped. he is a sweet guy and will not bite! Ive posted to fb lost dogs already.
  5. 49 points: throwawayshmoeaway69's comment in Everyone, please stay away from downtown
  6. 45 points: ilolz2's comment in Any avian enthusiasts know what type of bird this is?
  7. 42 points: episodenick's comment in Over 500 New Covid Cases Today in Arkansas, Highest Single Day Number so Far
  8. 40 points: Ankeneering's comment in LRPD and Mayor both blame out of state actors and Antifa for violence and damage during protests, but none have been arrested and they failed to state any actual evidence of Antifa other than referring to US Attorney Cody Hiland. Reporters kept asking about Antifa with no real answers given.
  9. 38 points: NomenReddit's comment in Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice
  10. 38 points: TheR3PTILE's comment in Post from Mayor Scott on reviewing police policies. Also reduction of state police presence and review of deaths.
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]


2020.06.12 21:49 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: LittleRock posts from 2019-09-23 to 2020-06-11 19:11 PDT

Period: 262.19 days
Submissions Comments
Total 994 9947
Rate (per day) 3.79 37.80
Unique Redditors 499 1690
Combined Score 24853 34905

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 4900 points, 127 submissions: Otontin
    1. Star of India family dinner is no joke, even included some toilet paper 😊 (218 points, 27 comments)
    2. Taquería Gloria ❤️ (127 points, 3 comments)
    3. Taco stand opened up this week in front of Mercado San Jose on Rodney Parham (115 points, 24 comments)
    4. Support your local grocery stores (110 points, 15 comments)
    5. Some Little Rock restaurants don't feel comfortable opening for dining on May 11 (101 points, 28 comments)
    6. Chicken vindaloo, chicken tandoori, dal tadka,rice, naan and a desert for $50 - Taj Mahal family dinner damn (100 points, 39 comments)
    7. I know it's not going to stick but it's snowing! (100 points, 12 comments)
    8. Mailman leaves $2,200 tip to help employees at Little Rock restaurant (83 points, 4 comments)
    9. Perfect day pho some Pho Thanh My (83 points, 12 comments)
    10. Taqueria La Catrina really hits the spot (83 points, 14 comments)
  2. 859 points, 23 submissions: starbearer92
    1. FAMILY MEAL package from Star of India - rice, naan, samosas and entree dish for 40$ plus tax - feeds 10-12 people (156 points, 36 comments)
    2. BREAKING: Protesters have shut down I-630 in Downtown Little Rock (104 points, 25 comments)
    3. BREAKING: Emergency declared for COVID-19 in Little Rock (79 points, 49 comments)
    4. Little Rock mayor announces mandate for restaurants and bars to only offer takeout, curbside and hom (69 points, 17 comments)
    5. Congratulations Little Rock! WE DID IT (65 points, 3 comments)
    6. Everyone, please stay away from downtown (50 points, 29 comments)
    7. Lonely during the holidays in Little Rock? (50 points, 12 comments)
    8. Community Transfer COVID-19 case confirmed in Little Rock (37 points, 12 comments)
    9. Digital Original: America’s first video store owner clicking the stop button in Little Rock after 40+ years (36 points, 8 comments)
    10. Little Rock Mayor signs executive order to set nighttime curfew beginning 10 p.m. Monday (34 points, 8 comments)
  3. 847 points, 40 submissions: iamlittlerockian
    1. TIL: You can rent a downtown trolley streetcar with a bar, audio system, and you can hang a disco ball for up to 50 people. (59 points, 13 comments)
    2. Arkansas establishes hotline, website to report abuse of handicapped parking (55 points, 27 comments)
    3. Little Rock Curbside Recycling: where does it go, what it gets turned in to. (55 points, 10 comments)
    4. LRPD purchasing 250 body cams at $3,000 each for a total of $780,000 (50 points, 22 comments)
    5. Crime in Little Rock 2019 (48 points, 18 comments)
    6. Little Rock among the lowest ranking of Municipal Environment Survey for lack of leadership for energy, carbon, and light polution (48 points, 6 comments)
    7. Arkansas River Trail and the Dillard's Gap (45 points, 14 comments)
    8. Little Rock police arrested by other police (41 points, 3 comments)
    9. Ask not what you can do for Little Rock, but ask what Little Rock can do for YOU. A citizen guide to geting the city to respond. (37 points, 13 comments)
    10. Little Rock Solid Waste Changes start March 1 (33 points, 9 comments)
  4. 505 points, 6 submissions: dwarvenfriend
    1. Post from Mayor Scott on reviewing police policies. Also reduction of state police presence and review of deaths. (124 points, 55 comments)
    2. I feel like expired tags or cars with no plates at all are the norm vs exception in Little Rock. (93 points, 62 comments)
    3. Somehow got this great pic. Usually not that good of a photog. (84 points, 6 comments)
    4. Lights to music at the 5400 block of C in Little Rock. Worth the trip and props to the owner. (82 points, 7 comments)
    5. View from the top of Rattlesnake Ridge (69 points, 12 comments)
    6. Sherwood Forest displaying how Santa delivers presents in The Heights. (53 points, 3 comments)
  5. 491 points, 11 submissions: Static_Gobby
    1. Our skyline decorated for Christmas (98 points, 9 comments)
    2. Places to visit in Little Rock this weekend (91 points, 11 comments)
    3. The LRPD was not using tear gas; it was the state police who used it. (68 points, 2 comments)
    4. Hurts Donuts offering free TP with every dozen donuts purchased (66 points, 20 comments)
    5. Walked outside this morning to this weather. Wasn’t it just on the 90’s like a week ago? (50 points, 12 comments)
    6. Saw this on Instagram and immediately thought of WLR. (49 points, 8 comments)
    7. The clouds slowly eating downtown (45 points, 5 comments)
    8. Even during a pandemic, you can’t drive through 630 construction at over 40 mph. (12 points, 6 comments)
    9. Protesters temporarily block traffic on I-630 in downtown Little Rock (11 points, 2 comments)
    10. Are there any bike repair shops still open during quarantine? (1 point, 6 comments)
  6. 442 points, 13 submissions: PoppetFFN
    1. Rock Town Distillery offers free hand sanitizer. (75 points, 5 comments)
    2. Moving to LR? Where are good places to live? I've created a map. (63 points, 92 comments)
    3. Makers in the Little Rock Area- The Innovation Hub needs you to help make supplies for local hospitals etc. (44 points, 8 comments)
    4. Volunteer Group Donates 10,000 Masks to UAMS (42 points, 4 comments)
    5. It's Super Tuesday, time to vote. (40 points, 5 comments)
    6. The Unenviable Position of a Southern Mayor As the COVID-19 crisis shifts south, Little Rock Mayor Frank Scott is navigating a whole different sort of city-state politics. (36 points, 5 comments)
    7. 4 Things You Should Know About eBook Access at CALS (34 points, 1 comment)
    8. I didn't know we had Jazz in the Park. West Pavilion in Riverfront Park. (24 points, 1 comment)
    9. UAMS to offer free online screening for Covid 19. (23 points, 1 comment)
    10. Patio Weather is starting! 70 Little Rock Area Patios (21 points, 5 comments)
  7. 412 points, 16 submissions: SetMau92
    1. Over 10,000 LRSD students, 700 employees absent as teachers protest with one-day strike On Thursday, Nov. 14, Little Rock teachers lined the streets near Central High School to begin the one-day strike. (78 points, 4 comments)
    2. Trader Joe's in Little Rock finally opens on Oct. 22nd (68 points, 22 comments)
    3. First medical marijuana dispensary in Little Rock approved by state ABC issued a formal approval to Harvest House of Cannabis in Little Rock, located on Rodney Parham, to open for business. (58 points, 8 comments)
    4. City of Little Rock looking for ways to reduce waste, litter of single use plastic bags Single use plastic bags have been proven to harm land, waterway, and ocean environments as well as wildlife, fish, and other aquatic species. (53 points, 10 comments)
    5. Central Arkansas Pride puts on parade, rolls into Little Rock Riverfront Park for festival Saturday: Central Arkansas Pride, Riverfront Park. 2-6 p.m. (40 points, 7 comments)
    6. Little Rock police searching for woman seen taking packages from home (30 points, 7 comments)
    7. Rock Region Metro wants public's help in deciding network's future At the meetings, people can write what they like and dislike about the service, and even mark where routes should go. (23 points, 3 comments)
    8. Little Rock Names Chief Education Officer To Implement Community Schools (16 points, 1 comment)
    9. State Board of Education votes to reconstitute LRSD back to local control after school board elections in 2020 (13 points, 0 comments)
    10. You can be a Santa to a senior citizen in Little Rock this Christmas Home Instead Senior Care's "Be a Santa To a Senior" program is in full swing. (13 points, 2 comments)
  8. 352 points, 2 submissions: iiiiiiivvviviiviiiix
    1. Little Rock in Lego - updated and expanded! (198 points, 15 comments)
    2. Little Rock's skyline in Lego - what's your COVID-19 quarantine hobby? (154 points, 33 comments)
  9. 337 points, 8 submissions: thatsnotgneiss
    1. Bridges will be dark tonight (163 points, 10 comments)
    2. The crowd at the Elizabeth Warren town hall at the North Shore Riverwalk. (95 points, 29 comments)
    3. Crisis lines for Arkansas- I hope no one needs these but just in case. (33 points, 0 comments)
    4. Most trails at Pinnacle will be closed starting Friday (15 points, 0 comments)
    5. AC Hotel to open Downtown in February (11 points, 2 comments)
    6. CALS to host virtual Lawyers in the Library sessions about navigating the unique legal challenges related to COVID-19 (8 points, 0 comments)
    7. Protest Live Streams 6.4.20 (7 points, 0 comments)
    8. Local Podcaster Meetup? (5 points, 6 comments)
  10. 327 points, 3 submissions: youngguac
    1. Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice (168 points, 36 comments)
    2. Y’all wanted us to stay off the interstate? Well they gassed us as we set in the surface street tonight in front of the capital. (105 points, 15 comments)
    3. Found this guy wondering around Hillcrest (54 points, 12 comments)
  11. 322 points, 7 submissions: xsited1
    1. Catfish City on University is closing after 36 years in business (83 points, 10 comments)
    2. At Briarwood Nursing Home and Rehab, 41 people have tested positive for coronavirus. That includes 35 patients and six staff members. (61 points, 9 comments)
    3. Man charged with felony for throwing Lime scooter into the Arkansas River (54 points, 26 comments)
    4. Boyle Park walk on Monday, 3/2/2020 (47 points, 0 comments)
    5. This is Creepy (38 points, 0 comments)
    6. Little Rock wedding venue abruptly closes, brides devastated (24 points, 3 comments)
    7. Boyle Park - Yellow Caution Tape around playground equipment (15 points, 6 comments)
  12. 315 points, 1 submission: sparkmentalbutt
    1. My favorite sign from last night’s peaceful protest (315 points, 12 comments)
  13. 299 points, 14 submissions: KATV7
    1. North Little Rock police officer fired for striking homeless man for 'no apparent reason' (55 points, 8 comments)
    2. Little Rock Kroger employee tests positive for COVID-19 (50 points, 24 comments)
    3. What are the hidden gems of central Arkansas? We are looking for restaurants, shops, museums, etc. (34 points, 53 comments)
    4. Little Rock tightens curfew; mayor drops 1-cent tax proposal over economic uncertainty (30 points, 0 comments)
    5. 32 signs from the picket lines of the Little Rock teachers strike (22 points, 3 comments)
    6. In case you missed it: Costco plans to open store in Little Rock (22 points, 7 comments)
    7. Rock Town Distillery creates hand sanitizer during coronavirus outbreak (22 points, 3 comments)
    8. Little Rock Police Officer charged in child pornography case (21 points, 4 comments)
    9. A look inside Fidel & Co., Little Rock's newest coffee shop (18 points, 3 comments)
    10. Man dies after fight at North Little Rock Chicken King (15 points, 6 comments)
  14. 299 points, 5 submissions: gham1
    1. This town can be a real mixed bag, but stuff like this makes me love it. (150 points, 17 comments)
    2. Wish I had a better video of this guy- his moves are 10/10 (98 points, 12 comments)
    3. It doesn't say gently used, but someone in the comments noted, there's a head impression on the pillow. (26 points, 2 comments)
    4. Has anyone talked to a human at ADWS? (24 points, 22 comments)
    5. Frankes and Sack-It (1 point, 8 comments)
  15. 286 points, 8 submissions: rgb_109_66_100
    1. A COVID-19 testing site is set to open on Monday, April 27, in the Shackleford Road Walmart parking lot (66 points, 3 comments)
    2. Indoor Nerf gun arena opened in NLR; all ages, soft darts (66 points, 4 comments)
    3. Little Rock Yellow Cab to offer free rides home during New Year celebrations - Rides will be paid for between 11 p.m. until 3 a.m. New Years Day (54 points, 6 comments)
    4. Little Rock Fire Department giving away about a dozen fire detectors designed for the deaf and hearing-impaired that will provide them with extra protection in the case of a house fire (39 points, 0 comments)
    5. Food distribution at Outlets of LR on April 28 from 10am until 2pm (25 points, 5 comments)
    6. Presidential Primary, State Representative, and JOP election March 3, 2020. You must be registered to vote by February 3, 2020. Early voting starts February 18. (17 points, 2 comments)
    7. Pregame fan fest at War Memorial today. It’s from 9:30am to 1pm and will have food trucks, music, inflatables (13 points, 4 comments)
    8. Early voting for District 34 happening now (6 points, 1 comment)
  16. 284 points, 5 submissions: thewolfman94
    1. Costco opening its’ first Arkansas location in Little Rock. Construction to begin this winter with planned grand opening of July 2021. (132 points, 51 comments)
    2. Looking west toward the Ouachita Mountains with Lake Maumelle meandering off to the right; taken from the western summit of Rattlesnake Ridge just outside West Little Rock. 2/9/2020 (70 points, 2 comments)
    3. Arkansas local breweries subreddit (43 points, 17 comments)
    4. Service industry folks or any other people who may be affected by any closings due to coronavirus outbreak—Kroger is hiring at just about all their locations in the metro area (Little Rock, North Little Rock, Conway, Maumelle, Cabot, Benton, Jacksonville). (36 points, 1 comment)
    5. Local cycling groups? (3 points, 2 comments)
  17. 276 points, 6 submissions: sevolatte
    1. To the lone white guy in hill crest area on Kavanaugh holding BLM sign in the middle of afternoon.... (224 points, 26 comments)
    2. I am seeing crazy traffic lines in evening exiting LR and waiting on Northbound 430 trying to turn 40 towards Conway with lines sometimes extending all the way back up till Cantrell. All of this due to the construction on I40. Any idea till when when they'll keep that turn single lane? (21 points, 6 comments)
    3. Any recommendations regarding local places where I can get Dash Cam installed? (18 points, 21 comments)
    4. Any open notary public? (8 points, 6 comments)
    5. What is the best way to donate old pots and pans? (3 points, 3 comments)
    6. Any suggestions for good local restaurants with vegetarian and seafood options offering take outs during lunch hours in Conway? (2 points, 0 comments)
  18. 257 points, 3 submissions: 898rph
    1. Our Neighbors Understand (144 points, 21 comments)
    2. Red Moon Rising Over the Capitol (67 points, 6 comments)
    3. It’s nice outside today. LR 2-28-2020. (46 points, 2 comments)
  19. 241 points, 3 submissions: vegandread
    1. Protest @The capital. (138 points, 10 comments)
    2. NLR Kroger. Figured we had moved past this shit by now... (83 points, 42 comments)
    3. Right now (20 points, 0 comments)
  20. 240 points, 1 submission: BigLittleRock
    1. Love from Little Rock. (240 points, 8 comments)
  21. 220 points, 3 submissions: joshwooding
    1. I’m a powered parachute flight instructor and this was my view last night while flying towards Pinnacle Mountain. Almost 20 years of flying here and this view never gets old. (177 points, 14 comments)
    2. Some pics of Emerald Park in North Little Rock I took yesterday. We're super lucky to live with nature so close to us we can explore without having to worry about being around other people. Get out there and get some of this food for the soul! (31 points, 11 comments)
    3. Arkansas Specific COVID Dashboard (12 points, 2 comments)
  22. 188 points, 10 submissions: idontmeananyofthis
    1. Find the 10 toilet paper rolls hidden below! (58 points, 15 comments)
    2. I’m just gonna leave this here 😘 (44 points, 33 comments)
    3. Stay home! (28 points, 3 comments)
    4. Downtown was a Ghost town last night. (18 points, 3 comments)
    5. Looking for things to do within a reasonable driving distance from here. Make a weekend out of it. (12 points, 19 comments)
    6. Serious question. Where could I go to meet other singles? Are there singles clubs or speed dating? New to the area. Work too much lol (10 points, 22 comments)
    7. Adult sports / basketball leagues? (9 points, 5 comments)
    8. Best place as a single person to hangout on New Year’s Eve? (4 points, 4 comments)
    9. Salsa Lessons? (3 points, 5 comments)
    10. Places to go dancing that Aren’t the electric cowboy (2 points, 6 comments)
  23. 171 points, 3 submissions: jennyfromtharock
    1. 150+ Black-Owned Businesses to Support in Little Rock (134 points, 38 comments)
    2. New Curfew is now 8 PM...28 protesters arrested earlier today. (29 points, 27 comments)
    3. Tour Little Rock Murals (8 points, 0 comments)
  24. 170 points, 4 submissions: medroti007
    1. It's finally happening guys!! 🥳 (153 points, 23 comments)
    2. La Madeleine closes in Little Rock (9 points, 8 comments)
    3. In this state of emergency and economic uncertainty due to COVID-19, what are some of the local food banks one can donate too? (7 points, 2 comments)
    4. Recommendations for places to get prescription glasses for toddlers/children? (1 point, 1 comment)
  25. 167 points, 7 submissions: TWD41
    1. Over 500 New Covid Cases Today in Arkansas, Highest Single Day Number so Far (101 points, 103 comments)
    2. Can We Have a Store Inventory Thread? (20 points, 19 comments)
    3. My Experience in LR Over the Last Decade (17 points, 21 comments)
    4. Are Cops Here Pretty Strict On Expired Car Tags? (15 points, 32 comments)
    5. How is the AMC Theater on Chenal? (5 points, 8 comments)
    6. What's Busking Like in LR? Anyone Tried It? Laws? (5 points, 11 comments)
    7. Any Restaurants in Town Where I Can Get Some Good Chicken Spaghetti? (4 points, 9 comments)
  26. 162 points, 4 submissions: dotnofoolin
    1. On Jeopardy! yesterday. (74 points, 10 comments)
    2. Blue Angels Flyover tomorrow starting at 1:45. (51 points, 48 comments)
    3. Any ideas what these are? 5G equipment? They have been recently popping up around WLR after months of utility work on a lot of streets. (26 points, 18 comments)
    4. Little Rock has a subforum on Urban Planet. A useful resource for tracking business/restaurant activity, etc. (11 points, 4 comments)
  27. 154 points, 2 submissions: thv_11
    1. Everyone in Little Rock today (148 points, 24 comments)
    2. In case y'all didn't know, Scott Stapp from Creed is performing a free concert in LR on Tuesday. (6 points, 10 comments)
  28. 142 points, 5 submissions: mccaro
    1. Edwards Food Giant on Cantrell ... employee tested COVID positive (58 points, 12 comments)
    2. The world just got better... Liquor delivery (45 points, 5 comments)
    3. El Chico Little Rock has permanently closed. Manager confirmed when I called this morning. (20 points, 12 comments)
    4. Minute Man coming to Jacksonville (close to Little Rock) (17 points, 11 comments)
    5. UP is laying off (2 points, 1 comment)
  29. 142 points, 2 submissions: TheTrailsAreCalling
    1. Thank you Little Rock for the great weekend (112 points, 17 comments)
    2. Visiting Little Rock for the Marathon (30 points, 18 comments)
  30. 142 points, 1 submission: dedr4ever
    1. Can’t stop, won’t stop (142 points, 13 comments)
  31. 138 points, 1 submission: Xxrzar22
    1. Had a wonderful time in your city last week! (138 points, 7 comments)
  32. 134 points, 7 submissions: surfwax95
    1. Cybersecurity experts weigh in on Governor Hutchinson saying the PUA whistleblower acted illegally: “They’re shooting the messenger … It creates a culture where they’re punishing people for doing the right thing.” (53 points, 18 comments)
    2. Little Rock, we have a problem: racists, guns and cops (39 points, 17 comments)
    3. Harvest House of Cannabis soft opening in Little Rock today (19 points, 1 comment)
    4. Social Security numbers, bank info and personal data left unprotected on Arkansas Pandemic Unemployment Assistance website (15 points, 5 comments)
    5. Wild River Country fined for child labor violations (5 points, 0 comments)
    6. Rep. Flowers and Ryan Davis call for arrest, citizens review board investigation in Capitol View incident (3 points, 4 comments)
    7. Frank Scott endorses Bloomberg for president (0 points, 4 comments)
  33. 133 points, 2 submissions: IsomDart
    1. View of the Little Rock Skyline from the top of the USS Razorback submarine (107 points, 10 comments)
    2. Looking for a Dungeons& Dragons or other tabletop games groups to play with. Ditched my unhealthy friends over the last couple years and looking to meet some new people. (26 points, 7 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. Otontin (1170 points, 309 comments)
  2. thatsnotgneiss (662 points, 121 comments)
  3. dub273 (596 points, 98 comments)
  4. PoppetFFN (493 points, 116 comments)
  5. barktothefuture (482 points, 60 comments)
  6. anacrusis000 (435 points, 63 comments)
  7. iamlittlerockian (306 points, 70 comments)
  8. jelque (304 points, 74 comments)
  9. soapdonkey (302 points, 108 comments)
  10. TheAllDayThrowAway_ (288 points, 65 comments)
  11. xsited1 (277 points, 57 comments)
  12. AudiB9S4 (268 points, 99 comments)
  13. arkstfan (264 points, 60 comments)
  14. grilledcheezy (261 points, 77 comments)
  15. episodenick (226 points, 29 comments)
  16. Watada (224 points, 56 comments)
  17. nubivagance (212 points, 31 comments)
  18. zsanfusa (206 points, 40 comments)
  19. Rollergirl66 (203 points, 34 comments)
  20. dmv1975 (200 points, 57 comments)
  21. el_monstruo (175 points, 33 comments)
  22. shitrock420 (171 points, 42 comments)
  23. thewolfman94 (167 points, 44 comments)
  24. Davis1511 (164 points, 24 comments)
  25. starbearer92 (161 points, 48 comments)
  26. behold_the_j (156 points, 45 comments)
  27. Static_Gobby (151 points, 50 comments)
  28. Tigermilk___ (151 points, 17 comments)
  29. janklepeterson (149 points, 38 comments)
  30. broooooooce (149 points, 31 comments)
  31. ilolz2 (149 points, 22 comments)
  32. leinadbocaj (147 points, 38 comments)
  33. xopher314 (140 points, 27 comments)
  34. therealtrousers (134 points, 54 comments)
  35. five-oh-one (134 points, 43 comments)
  36. ucabearfan05 (134 points, 23 comments)
  37. dwarvenfriend (132 points, 30 comments)
  38. TwistyTurret (132 points, 19 comments)
  39. Mc_Jameis_scrong (131 points, 36 comments)
  40. willnotforget2 (128 points, 26 comments)
  41. idontmeananyofthis (127 points, 58 comments)
  42. dotnofoolin (126 points, 29 comments)
  43. goldenfatchild (125 points, 39 comments)
  44. Zoomalude (123 points, 25 comments)
  45. TEMPWILLDELETESOON (121 points, 17 comments)
  46. deadflagblues (121 points, 15 comments)
  47. hellooolady (120 points, 29 comments)
  48. hashonBLAST (116 points, 27 comments)
  49. andysay (116 points, 26 comments)
  50. CatelynsCorpse (116 points, 21 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. My favorite sign from last night’s peaceful protest by sparkmentalbutt (315 points, 12 comments)
  2. Love from Little Rock. by BigLittleRock (240 points, 8 comments)
  3. To the lone white guy in hill crest area on Kavanaugh holding BLM sign in the middle of afternoon.... by sevolatte (224 points, 26 comments)
  4. Star of India family dinner is no joke, even included some toilet paper 😊 by Otontin (218 points, 27 comments)
  5. Little Rock in Lego - updated and expanded! by iiiiiiivvviviiviiiix (198 points, 15 comments)
  6. I’m a powered parachute flight instructor and this was my view last night while flying towards Pinnacle Mountain. Almost 20 years of flying here and this view never gets old. by joshwooding (177 points, 14 comments)
  7. Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice by youngguac (168 points, 36 comments)
  8. Bridges will be dark tonight by thatsnotgneiss (163 points, 10 comments)
  9. FAMILY MEAL package from Star of India - rice, naan, samosas and entree dish for 40$ plus tax - feeds 10-12 people by starbearer92 (156 points, 36 comments)
  10. Little Rock's skyline in Lego - what's your COVID-19 quarantine hobby? by iiiiiiivvviviiviiiix (154 points, 33 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 60 points: dmv1975's comment in Where are the Gay people?
  2. 58 points: blazfemi's comment in Little Rock-based Dillard's closes 200 stores in pandemic
  3. 57 points: barktothefuture's comment in Marched 9 miles yesterday. I’ll march a billion goddamn more if it finally means Justice
  4. 50 points: aaronjd123's comment in Im desperate! Plz help me find muh dogo. His name is Benji and he is microchiped. he is a sweet guy and will not bite! Ive posted to fb lost dogs already.
  5. 48 points: episodenick's comment in Over 500 New Covid Cases Today in Arkansas, Highest Single Day Number so Far
  6. 48 points: throwawayshmoeaway69's comment in Everyone, please stay away from downtown
  7. 44 points: ilolz2's comment in Any avian enthusiasts know what type of bird this is?
  8. 41 points: Ankeneering's comment in LRPD and Mayor both blame out of state actors and Antifa for violence and damage during protests, but none have been arrested and they failed to state any actual evidence of Antifa other than referring to US Attorney Cody Hiland. Reporters kept asking about Antifa with no real answers given.
  9. 40 points: aramink's comment in North Little Rock police officer fired for striking homeless man for 'no apparent reason'
  10. 39 points: DancingLR's comment in What are the hidden gems of central Arkansas? We are looking for restaurants, shops, museums, etc.
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]


2020.05.24 04:11 Playaguy About the "Internet of things"

Essentially when you hear about the ‘Internet of things’ usually they are talking about your office in your house. No. We are talking about a device. QRS11 is the device that is put into every single plane, train, car and everything that moves. It’s put into every missile and every nuclear missile. Everything has this in it.
Hillary Clinton’s law firm, Rose Law Firm, handled this in Little Rock, Arkansas, and this thing is worldwide. It has a chip in it, and it can be told to stop. It’s a gyroscope, and it’s got a little crystal chip in it, but it is also a gyroscope. It determines altitude, speed, and your location. Inside of it is a kill switch. At the same time that they were developing the kill switches for IBM, they also developed the kill switches for everything that QRS11, which a company called BI Electronics developed. Hillary was in the law firm that developed this further and further and further until eventually it brought in George H.W. Bush, Robert Mueller, and Mitt Romney’s Bain capital. It brought in all the crooked money to invest in this patent.
Mind you, this patent was written by a guy who supposedly worked at Hewlett Packard at the time. Well, that is just not going to happen. You don’t write the most comprehensive patent in history while you are working for another company without that company considering it to be their intellectual property. So we know that he is just another Silicon Valley cutout. He is another Silicon Valley boy. He’s fake.
But he did work for Hewlett Packard for over 20 years. So he wrote this patent. But he didn’t write the patent. The patent was written by the military’s DARPA and the CIA’s group In-Q-Tel, and they are run by a private group that is a globalist group called Highlands Forum (https://aim4truth.org/2017/02/18/who-really-owns-the-military-industrial-complex-the-Highlands-forum-exposed/)
They have determined what kinds of weapons have been created through innovation through the patent office which they seize any patent that can be weaponized. So we can go into the names of the people we have in all of our reports. Let’s just point out that these very people develop a patent that is beyond the ‘Internet of things’. It is the ‘internet of everything that moves’ so that they can turn it off and have what they call ‘aggressive remote control’ to what is called a ‘point focal node’.
The patent is just a bunch of letters, PFNTRAC. We will just call it the ‘internet of all things’ but it even brings in the NSA. It says that it is going to control the NSA surveillance. It is going to control the FBI. It is going to control weather input. It is going to control all buses, all trains, and every chip in every person and every dog and every cat. They even put sensors on trees so that when you’re walking in a park, they can sense you.
As a matter of fact, this is the scariest stuff that you will ever see. Go onto our site and look this up, or you can hear a video on it called ‘Meet Big Brother’. But we also do long articles showing you the very pictures from the patent. These pictures show that the police in the future will wear a helmet or a pair of goggles, and as they walk by you on the street, they will be able to look at you and see if you have your vaccines up to date. If you don’t, they will simply pull out a vaccine gun, and on the spot they will either give you the vaccine, or they will put you in jail.
At the same time, they can check your bank records to see if you have an overdraft. They can check your traffic tickets. They can check your medical records and see if you are in any way connected to any terrorists or anything that they don’t like. It will all be implanted into your body through wetware.
Now let me explain wetware. Most people don’t understand this. I mentioned this on a video the other day, and somebody said, “Oh my gosh! We are going to get our person we love so much and who is blind the ability to see because of what you said.”
Do you understand that there are inventions already in place where they can use the nerves on your tongue or your nose for a blind person who is blind from birth so that they can see? That is using a computer interface with your nerves, and it is what they would call a neural network.
They’ve been doing a lot of work on how to control neural networks in the human being, but what they intend to do is eventually put into your spine or into your brain – depending on what location it is, and by the way, this is not far-fetched; it is happening now – chips or machines or wires into sections of the brain, and then send in the frequencies.
For instance, I have a friend. He has Parkinson’s. He has six wires into six parts of his brain, and a battery imbedded into his head that sends vibrations to keep him from having Parkinson’s shakes and tremors. It has changed his entire life.
So this is already happening. Wet works is already happening, but the wet works that are in this plan for aggressive remote control is to be able to stop you and to be able to turn you off or to be able to put in wetware along the junctions of key muscles so that they can literally make your muscles do things. They can make you – and I’m sorry to have to say it – pull the trigger on a gun. They can make you do things against your very own will because of these implants. We all know the implants which are being used in America in these model cities that are put into your hand, and they are the equivalent of your bankcard, and these people are being driven around in driverless cars, living in eco-houses, but they are doing experiments. These are already happening.
For instance, the ATLAS robot warrior has already been built by Eric Schmidt at Apple, and it is already being used. People want to play like this isn’t here now, but it is already here.
I told people about this, and now they are going to give this guy the ability to see. That is what is going on. That is what wetware is. You can’t keep track of scientific innovation. No one is keeping track of science innovation because of the following: The Department of Defense has a group called DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency). Since the beginning of the Manhattan Project, the internet was called DARPAnet at first. It was the way that people working for DARPA connected to each other as they were making weapons.
Mind you, every patent that comes into the patent office, they check through DARPA and through CIA’s In-Q-Tel, and if it can be weaponized, they take the patent for national security purposes, and the person who wrote the patent gets nothing. If they even continue to work on the project, they can be jailed and fined. I’m sorry to have to say this, but in one of our reports we listed some of the hundreds of inventors who have had mysterious deaths after filing patents. We have written reports on free energy devices that are happening all over the world except here in America.
http://archive.is/rAOh2
submitted by Playaguy to conspiracy [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to coldcases [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to RedditCrimeCommunity [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to TrueCrime [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to SavetheNextGirl [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to RBI [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 19:11 HelHeals #17. El Dorado Jane Doe, El Dorado, Union County, Arkansas, USA; Unidentified adult for 28 years

Hello. I keep a personal digital "diary" of Jane/John Doe cases. I've decided to start posting them. This is case number 17. I try to keep them as concise as possible. If you have any tips on how to make it better or subreddits where I can post it, PM me or leave it below. At the bottom of the post I have the current subreddits I post these on, and my other cases.


  1. Numerous photos of EDJD while living:
    1. 1
    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4
    5. 5
    6. 6
    7. 7
    8. 8
    9. 9
    10. 10
    11. 11
  2. Postmortem 1 and 2 and 3
Notes:
Ruled out: Ann Gotlib, Patricia Taylor, Tammy Surdam, Darci Warde, Carey Parker, Leigh Occhi, Tracy Byrd, Myrisha Campbell, Roxanne Sims, Jeannette Drzewiecki, Cathleen Martin, Lisa White, Michelle Thomas, Phyllis Brewer, Misty Copsey, Julie Moseley, Cindy King, Winnie Kersey, Cheryl Ann Iacovone, Mary Trlica, Joanne Williams, Veronica Brewer, Cathy Smith, Cynthia Gooding, Jackie Leslie, Elaine Allenbach, Kelly McGinniss, Kimberly Kahler, Elizabeth Gill, Rochelle Ihm, Judith O'Donnell, Laurie Lucas, Sherry Bynum, Amanda Slaughter, Stacie Madison, Susan Smalley, Pamela Tinsley, Linda Davis, Darlene Webb, Deborah Green, Wendy Huggy, Janet Brice, Tracy Ramsey, Shelley Hoke, Rebecca Dunn, Tricia Kellett, Sherri White, Kim Leggett, Melinda Creech, Lisa Sexton, Staci Madison, Michelle Mulcahy.
Currently posting on the following subreddits:
Other cases:
  1. Fond Du Lac Jane Doe
  2. Septic Tank Sam
  3. Lime Lady - IDENTIFIED
  4. The Boy In The Box
  5. Little Miss Nobody
  6. Cheerleader in the Trunk
  7. Little Miss X
  8. Woodlawn Jane Doe
  9. Valentine Doe
  10. Arroyo Grande Jane Doe
  11. Unidentified Female, using the name Maria Mendez Morales
  12. Hattiesburg John Doe
  13. Walker County Jane Doe
  14. Unidentified man with anchor tied around his waist
  15. Princess Blue
  16. Guadalupe County Jane Doe
submitted by HelHeals to gratefuldoe [link] [comments]


2020.01.10 06:01 assessment_bot [ Fatal(2) ] [ 12/31/2019 ] Mooney M20S, OLATHE/ KS

On December 31, 2019, about 1606 central standard time, a Mooney M20S airplane, N602TF, impacted terrain during takeoff from runway 18 at the Johnson County Executive Airport (OJC), near Olathe, Kansas. A post-impact ground fire occurred. The private pilot and passenger sustained fatal injuries. The airplane was destroyed during the ground fire. The airplane was registered to and operated by the pilot as a Title 14 Code of Federal Regulations Part 91 personal flight. Day visual meteorological conditions prevailed in the area about the time of the accident, and the flight was not operated on a flight plan. The flight was originating from OJC at the time of the accident and was destined for the North Little Rock Municipal Airport, North Little Rock, Arkansas.
According to initial information given to the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), a witness reported that he witnessed a Mooney, N602TF, crash at OJC. He said that a couple from Little Rock, Arkansas flew up to view a new Piper airplane that was for sale. The witness stepped out to watch them take off back and return to their home base. On initial roll out, nothing out of the ordinary was noticed. During power-up all sounded and looked normal. However, the airplane rotated at a much slower speed than would be expected and immediately started to climb at a very sharp departure angle. As it gained altitude its airspeed bled off to the point that the left wing stalled causing the plane to nose over in that direction and continue its trajectory straight into the ground just east of the runway. Engine power was "on" through the entire flight with no odd sounds to be noted.
Review of video near the accident site was consistent with the witness statement. The airplane did not exhibit any fire or smoke inflight in the video. A ground fire was observed after impact. First responders subsequently extinguished the fire.
The 48-year-old pilot held a FAA private pilot certificate with airplane single engine land and instrument ratings. He held a FAA second-class medical certificate dated May 28, 2019, with no limitations. On the application for that medical certificate, the pilot reported he had accumulated 180 hours of total flight time and 0 hours in the prior six months.
N602TF, a 2000-model Mooney M20S, was a single-engine, four-place, retractable tricycle landing gear airplane with serial number 30-0043. A review of FAA records showed the pilot and a co-owner purchased the airplane on November 26, 2019. The airplane did not receive any fueling services at OJC.
At 1553, the recorded weather at OJC was: Wind 270 at 10 kts gusting to 16 kts; visibility 10 statute miles; sky condition clear; temperature 6 C; dew point -8 C; altimeter 29.99 inches of mercury.
The wreckage came to rest about 171 and about 2,550 ft from the departure threshold of runway 18. Major components of the airplane wire identified at the accident site. The top of the fuselage was consumed by fire between the instrument panel to just forward of the empennage. The lower section of the fuselage was discolored, deformed, and melted. The engine compartment exhibited aft migration of the engine against the firewall. The propeller was imbedded in terrain and when recovered, it exhibited "S" shaped bending and leading edge nicks. The empennage and fuselage aft of the cabin was bent laterally toward the left wing about 30. The leading edge of the right wing exhibited aft crushing. The leading edge of the left wing exhibited discoloration, melting, and deformation. The position of the left main landing could not be determined due to the left wing's thermal damage. The right main landing gear was found partially extended. Flight control continuity from all the flight control surfaces to the cabin area was traced. The ignition key switch was selecting the BOTH position. The mixture, propeller, and throttle control knobs were in their forward position. Examination of the engine compartment confirmed control continuity of the mixture, propeller, and throttle control from their engine accessories to their respective cockpit controls. The airplane instrument panel was damaged by impact forces and thermal damage. The airplane's JP Instrument EDM 800 unit exhibited impact and thermal damage.
The Johnson County Coroner was asked to arrange an autopsy on the pilot and to have toxicological samples taken.
The engine is being retained for a disassembly examination and the EDM 800 unit will be shipped to the National Transportation Safety Board Vehicle Recorder Laboratory to see if it contains any data in reference to the accident flight.
Category Data Category Data Category Data
Event Id: 20191231X83852 Investigation Type: Accident Accident Number: CEN20FA049
Event Date: 12/31/2019 Location: OLATHE, KS Country: United States
Latitude: 38.846111 Longitude: -94.736111 Airport Code: OJC
Airport Name: Johnson County Executive Injury Severity: Fatal(2) Aircraft Damage: Destroyed
Aircraft Category: Airplane Registration Number: N602TF Make: Mooney
Model: M20S Amateur Built: No Number of Engines: 1
Engine Type: Reciprocating FAR Description: Part 91: General Aviation Schedule:
Purpose of Flight: Personal Air Carrier: Total Fatal Injuries: 2
Total Serious Injuries: Total Minor Injuries: Total Uninjured:
Weather Condition: VMC Broad Phase of Flight: TAKEOFF Report Status: Preliminary
Publication Date: 01/08/2020
http://www.ntsb.gov/_layouts/ntsb.aviation/brief.aspx?ev_id=20191231X83852
submitted by assessment_bot to NTSB_database [link] [comments]


2019.11.05 23:46 DrunkenTree I didn't believe in "werewolves," but I spent years hunting one who wept

His face streaked with tears, he writhed in his seat. His legs stretched; bare ankle appeared below his jeans. His shirt pulled loose, his back hunching, his head pressed to my car's roof. I saw claws, sharp and heavy, slide from beneath his fingernails.
Underneath his face, the bones shifted shape. The brow rose and sloped, the lower jaw lengthened front and rear. Muscles bulged in his face, telling of terrible power in his bite.
I'd been hunting for the so-called "werewolf" who killed my sister. Now he was in my passenger seat, and I had only seconds to decide what to do.
One August evening four years ago, my sister, Ginger Ames, died at the Square Diner in Drunken Tree. The coroner ruled her death accidental: she fell on broken glass when people were running away in panic. Even if that was true, I still blamed the bastard who started the panic.
The man who killed Ginger was described as about five-foot-ten to six-foot, wavy dark blond hair loose to his shoulders, clean-shaven, brown eyes, no scars. (Twenty people there, but no photos — that's panic for you.)
Ordinary-looking — except when he was seven feet tall and had claws he could sheathe like a cat's. That description's from the man who served his burger and fries, just before he started crying, grew a foot taller, and started killing people.
This fall, a man named Robert Suter was torn open in the parking lot of the same diner. His friend Carrie White said they'd been discussing Ginger's death; Suter had been a witness that night.
Another man, Jacob Evers, had been with Carrie and Suter. She'd dated Evers several times. She introduced Evers to Suter, they all had dinner together, but she left before they did. Suter was found dead in the parking lot. Evers hasn't been seen since.
Jacob Evers was described as five-nine to six-foot, hazel eyes, bald, full blond beard. Ordinary-looking, aside from the whiskers. Carrie White said he had no scars or tattoos, anywhere (she'd had opportunity to see). Police said the name is probably false.
Four years ago, right after Ginger's funeral, I met with LeeAnn Groce. LeeAnn had been Ginger's lover for about a year. A few months before Ginger was killed, they'd quietly split up, but they'd remained close friends and talked frequently. Now I learned that LeeAnn spoke to Ginger the night she was killed.
"She called me, asked if Travis had come by. They talked all the time, you know." I knew: Travis Mosley and Ginger had been best friends since Argenta Junior High, closer than siblings. Though I was a couple of years younger, he'd been my friend, too, as much as anybody so bottled-up could be.
Travis was a stoic, never betraying hurt or anger; though he had a warm grin, he only rarely showed excitement or affection. Only Ginger could open him up. All our parents expected them to get married — then they both announced they were gay, the same week.
That had rattled me. I'd never had a gay friend before, didn't know how to take it. But when I saw how he stuck by Ginger during our parents' first angry, frightened reactions, I realized I owed him the same loyalty.
He'd disappeared for a while, earlier that summer; when he reappeared, he claimed not to know where he'd been. Ginger was the only one who really believed him; even his parents thought he was hiding something. I didn't know what to believe; I backed him because Ginger did.
Now LeeAnn told me that Ginger and Travis had planned to meet at the Square Diner. Ginger had called LeeAnn because Travis was late and hadn't called her. LeeAnn said, "Ginger thought maybe he'd come by here to get her, not remembering we split up."
I toyed with the idea that Travis was the "werewolf". Travis was the right size and build, a bit under six feet, and blond. All the descriptions called the guy "ordinary-looking" until he changed. And Travis was the complete guy next door, ordinary as oatmeal, except for two stark scars on his chin and cheek from a bicycle wreck.
I was ashamed for even considering him. Travis, crying in public? Laughable. And I absolutely couldn't believe he'd hurt Ginger. He'd have died first.
Travis hadn't come to Ginger's funeral, though, a real shock. He'd holed up in his parents' house in Argenta, absolutely crushed by her death. I'd gone by to visit, and found him sitting in a darkened bedroom. Though glad to see me, at first he'd hardly talk. When he did, his voice was flat. "It's like a curse. First I lose a month, then I lose Ginger. Something happens to Mom and Dad — no way I could stand that. I'd just die." I'd never heard that much emotion from him.
A week or two later, he took off. Closed his apartment, stored his stuff, and left town. He called his parents every week or two, but never told them where he was. He turned off friend-tracking on his phone.
I didn't see him for four years.
About the time Travis left, I talked to the server in the diner. Only a few weeks after Ginger's funeral, Marcus Alderisio's story was already well-rehearsed. "Aldo" said Ginger and this blond-haired fellow came in together. The man started crying. "I thought she was giving him the Dear John," said Aldo. "He started cryin', then he changed."
"I was closer than anybody else," Aldo said, "right 'cross the counter. I could see tears dripping off his chin. I can tell you, he didn't sprout hair or big fangs, none of that. But his bones changed; when he stood up he was over seven foot. And he had claws like a cat, that he could sheathe or pop out."
A lady screamed, but the real panic didn't start until some working-class-hero type tried to wrestle the cat-man to the ground. He eviscerated the idiot. When guts hit the floor, the diner went crazy. Less than a minute later, Ginger was dying, her belly ripped by glass; she bled to death before paramedics arrived. The coroner found bruises on her back, from feet.
Hating myself, I showed Aldo a photo of Travis on my phone. Small as the image was, he immediately picked out the facial scars. "Same kind of face, real John Doe type, but this guy didn't have so much as an acne scar. Perfect skin."
Two days after Suter's murder, I talked again to Aldo. Before he'd say a word, I had to remind him I was Ginger's brother, and that we'd talked four years earlier. But he wasn't much help regarding "Jacob Evers". "I told the cops, I don't know if it's the same guy. I couldn't pick either one of them out of a decent lineup, they got that kind of face. Joe-average face, no scars, no tattoos, just that beard. I'd recognize this guy's voice again, maybe, we talked that much, but his face? Could be anybody."
At least this time I could be sure it wasn't Travis, since "Jacob" had slept with Carrie White. Some small comfort.
How do you find a "werewolf"? (Or were-cat?) The cops thought it was some sort of stunt, and were checking all of Ginger's acquaintances. (They'd investigated Travis, too, but I still felt guilty.)
In four years, while I was in college, they found no leads on the "Diner killer." Now, with Robert Suter, there'd been another killing. They wouldn't say whether they thought it was the same killer.
But either way, they weren't looking for a shape-shifter with cat claws. I was. A shape-shifter who cried.
My granddad used to say of someone: "He was raised breathing Drunken Tree Lake." He meant that people who move to the area don't have the same attitudes as people who grew up here. And people who grew up in town don't have the same attitudes as those who lived along the shore or in the hills.
Things happen around here. Sometimes people make things happen. This fall, after wondering for four years about Ginger's death, I wanted to make something happen.
I looked up a lady who'd been my grandmother's friend when I was little, and asked her what she remembered about Ginger's death. If she'd blamed it on drugs, like the newspapers, I'd have visited a while and gone home.
But she said, "That was a terrible thing. And that creature's still around, somewhere; you heard he killed another man last week?"
When I told her what I wanted, she warned, "Some of those folks can be as dangerous as the thing that killed Ginger. You should keep your distance from them."
I told her I had to find the cat-man, whatever it took. "You're fixing to do it anyway," she said finally, "so I suppose I ought to steer you to the right people. Let me ask about, see who's still walking this earth."
I left my number. A week later she called me. "There's a man named Yuri White, lives on Grace Mountain, Jackson Road. He won't do anything, but he'll put you in touch." She read me a number.
"Yuri White. Jackson Road."
"Mister White, to you. He's uppish that way."
Mr. White refused to talk on the phone or invite me to his home. "I'll meet you at the old Second Baptist, downtown Argenta. You know it?"
"Across from Guthrie Park?"
"That's it. I'll be there at three to meet someone else. If you come, we'll talk. I'll have a black necktie."
Guthrie Park is a square block on JFK. Crossing the park to Second Baptist Church, I spotted a broad-shouldered bald guy with a blond beard, maybe forty, leaning against a historic marker, gazing up at the church. I tensed, then relaxed. Since Suter was killed, I'd been clenching up at every bald, bearded blond I saw.
The little church had closed down, I discovered; a sign said it would soon be a "Neighborhood Resource Center". Inside, several young people in jeans and T-shirts worked at scrubbing and painting concrete-block walls. The color of Mr. White's tie was irrelevant; nobody else even had a collar. He was a tall, thin man, perhaps in his late sixties, with thick snow-white hair and a narrow mustache.
I briefly told Ginger's story. "I want to find him," I said. "Landy said you knew people."
"Perhaps. Have you heard of the Coterie?"
The what? "No, sir."
"Good — you shouldn't have. And it would be good if no one heard of them from you." He smiled thinly. "One of them is likely to have the required skill. And this sort of case often interests them."
He stooped toward me. "They will expect a substantial payment. Are you prepared to pay?"
I remembered standing by Ginger's grave, sweating in my best suit. "If I can afford it, sir, I'll pay whatever it takes."
The bearded guy still stood looking at the church. His eyes flicked to me as I came out, looked away, then came back more sharply. "Rick?" he said.
The voice rang bells but the face didn't. "Sorry?" He grinned, obviously unsurprised at my lack of recognition. Even with a beard, that grin was familiar, and took fifteen years off him. I looked at the tanned scalp, the whiskered jaw. "Travis?"
"Hey, man, how you been?"
He'd grown thin since I'd last seen him; the broad shoulders only emphasized that. And that bare scalp — Cancer?
But there was a robustness to him that belied that thought. Clean, I thought, then couldn't think why. "Where the hell have you been?" It just burst out; he'd been such a part of Ginger's life, then he'd fallen off the earth.
Before he answered, he walked right up and put his arms around me. I returned his embrace somewhat hesitantly, unused to such display from him. He stepped back and looked me over. "I've been kinda messed up," he said. "I lost more'n a month of my life, and I'm still hunting for it."
"You still don't know how? Jesus, your mom must've called Ginger two hundred times while you were missing, asking had she heard from you. Where have you been since?"
"Around. You'd've seen me, but I hear you went to Texas A&M." He punched me on the shoulder. "Traitor."
"I had to get away. After Ginger — I couldn't stay home. Compared to Arkansas, Texas is like a foreign goddam country."
"Yeah, Ginger messed me up, too. I spent so much time trying to find out what happened to her."
"Me, too, whenever I came home. You believe in this werewolf shit?"
"Not one goddamn bit." His jaw clenched. "I believe in plain old human fuckery; that's more than enough."
"Listen, I, uh — I've got to get to the bank. Are you at your mom's house? We should talk, compare notes. Maybe between us we've got all the pieces."
He cocked his head. "You mean you've actually found out something? I must've talked to a hundred people who said they were there that night, and not more than ten of them were for real."
"I think I've got a lead, at least. But I really have to get across town. You carry a phone, right?" I sent him a text, so we had each other's numbers.
I was in line at the bank when my phone rang. "Two thousand dollars," Mr. White told me. "Five hundred in advance, for our expenses. Fifteen hundred if and when we find him. If we can't, we don't bill you."
I whistled softly. "That's a lot."
"This requires more than a Craigslist ad, Mr. Ames. Our techniques can be dangerous, even when we aren't seeking a known killer."
Earlier he'd said they, not we. "How fast do you need the five?"
"Please have it by this evening. Somebody will come for it. She'll call herself Kite."
"Free spirit, huh?"
"No, Mr. Ames. A very efficient hunter."
She couldn't have been sixteen yet, skinny and coltish, but she scared me. When I opened my door, she stood on my porch, twitching like an open switchblade. The sunset flamed against her strawberry-blonde hair.
"I'm Kite." I'd have sooner invited a hooded cobra into my apartment, but she slipped in before I could protest. I had the urge to check my ribs for slashes. I gave her a $500 cashier's check, and she gave me a receipt. "We'll keep Mr. White informed."
When she was gone, I drew a deep breath, and felt myself shuddering. Our techniques can be dangerous, Mr. White had said. She was scary as hell, but seemed like she'd be fast and efficient.
I had no idea how fast things were about to move. In two hours, I'd know nearly everything.
Fifteen minutes after Kite left, someone knocked. My heart pounding, fearful she'd returned, I opened the door. Travis stood there.
The sunset had already faded. Thin, hairless, his beard grayed in the twilight, he looked like the Ghost of Travis Yet-to-come. "Hey, man," he said softly. "Your mom told me where you live. This a good time to talk?"
"Yeah, sure, c'mon in."
"Don't like talking inside. How about we go for a drive around the lake?"
I started to protest, but something in his face stopped me. There was a look of tremendous calm, even peace, about him — but it was the peace of someone who has swallowed an enormous pain, certain of his capacity to absorb it.
"Yeah, sure," I said again. "Let me go pee and grab a drink."
Driving north through the marina district, we exchanged news about our families: our parents, his grandfather, my older brother Gary in Atlanta. Not until we hit the quiet, dark, tree-flanked roads of Grace Mountain did our talk turn to Ginger.
I summarized what I'd learned over the years (though I didn't admit showing his photo to Aldo). He listened intently, without commenting.
At the end he said, "Well, it's too bad, but you ain't got anything I didn't already have." But he didn't seem disappointed; in fact, he seemed almost relieved.
I asked him what he knew that I didn't. "I don't know," he said. "I don't know if you're ready to hear some of it."
What? "Travis, that's not fair! She's my sister!" But I watched his face close, growing distant. I realized something: Travis had been trying to open up with me as he had with Ginger. But I wasn't Ginger, and in the end he couldn't trust me that far. It hurt, but I resolved not to show it.
So I realized something about myself: I was trying to be like Travis, stoic and strong. Before he came out, I'd have never guessed that a gay man would one day be my role model for tough.
And a final revelation: Four years at A&M hadn't taught me anything about dealing with death. Though older than Ginger had been when she died, I was still a kid, asking the grownups for help.
We were winding down Grace Mountain Road, less than a minute from the center of Drunken Tree. To circle the lake, we'd turn east toward Shore Road — right past the Square Diner. I'd been by it often (small as Drunken Tree is, to avoid the diner you'd have to avoid the whole town), but tonight Ginger's memories were strong. I signaled a right turn, my grip painfully tight on the wheel. There in the bright lights, people sat eating supper.
"Well, if you won't help me," I said, "somebody else will. I've been talking to people. They think they can find the guy with the claws." I stopped, embarrassed to say more.
"Who the hell told you that?"
"Don't snap at — Sorry, I just feel so damn silly saying it. They're witches. You know the stories around here — witchcraft, covens up in the hills. They can find things cops can't."
He sucked in sharply. "You were at the church. Who was it?"
"People called the Coterie. They say they can help."
"Oh, Christ, Rick, are you crazy? They're dangerous! How the hell did you even hear of the Coterie?"
"I asked around. Old folks; you know the people I could ask."
The village fell behind us. From here to the dam, Shore Road was woodland and houses on large private tracts, with a few shore-side developments. The old money lived here, north of the lake.
"Oh, Jesus, you don't know who you're messing with. Did any of them give you a name?"
"A girl named Kite. Just a kid."
"Oh shit oh Christ. Those people will kill you if you screw with them. Why the hell did you go to them?"
I started to cry, blurring my headlights on the curves. "I loved her so much," I choked out, "but she trusted you. I was just the little pest brother."
His face worked. "Shit, no, man, she was hella proud of you. Aggie scholarship and all that? She talked about you all the—" He broke off. By passing headlights I saw tears glisten in his eyes.
And I saw something else. His beard covered his chin and his jawline, but not his upper cheeks. Clean, I'd thought in Guthrie Park, and wondered why. The beard had confused me, but the white scar was gone from his left cheek.
Without thinking, I pressed the gas. In moments I was going over fifty, rural mailboxes flashing past.
I couldn't ask the question in my mind: Who are you? Instead I asked, "Why were you late? If you'd got there on time, you could've protected her."
He groaned. "I was there. I tried to protect her." I glanced at him. He'd squeezed his eyes tight, fighting the tears streaming down his face. He started cryin', Aldo'd said, then he changed.
As Travis changed now. My friend, my sister's best friend, changed into something I couldn't explain.
I pressed the gas harder; if I went fast enough maybe he wouldn't dare attack. I whipped around a curve, tires squalling; claws sprang out to grip my dash. His growls laid a ghastly bass line beneath my shrieking tires.
If he attacked me — or if I found the courage — I would slam my car's passenger side against one of the huge old hickories flashing by. Would it kill him? Even hurt him? Crazily, I thought of the times I'd considered having a silver-bladed knife made, just for this scene — this confrontation with my sister's killer.
I came out of a curve half-sideways, and fought the car back into its lane. I knew Shore Road, but not at this speed. I glanced toward Travis; he sat braced in his seat, lips drawn back, jaws clenched. His voice was thick, guttural. "Rick. Please slow down."
I shot past a westbound pickup at eighty. "You killed her. You got her killed." My own voice was tight, raised just over the road noise.
He terrified me, but so did my speed. A tree appeared on the right, very near the road; I tried to twitch the wheel toward it but my arms wouldn't obey — or obeyed a deeper command.
"I didn't hurt her," he growled, a voice from the pit. "Another man killed her, on purpose. You gotta believe me."
Now a ditch ran along the road's right side; I'd missed my chance with trees over there. Tall poles for high-tension lines were flashing by on the left, shining in moonlight; too far from the road. Then I remembered the bridge over Possum Walk Creek.
A short stretch to accelerate, a quick twitch to the right, and a concrete post would tear off everything behind my right headlight.
He must have seen my eyes change as the bridge came into sight. As I floored the gas, he leaped at me, roaring. My last hesitation overcome, I turned squarely toward the bridge pillar.
One clawed hand snatched at the wheel, tearing a gash across my raised arm. The other grabbed the transmission lever and chunked it into neutral. The engine screamed, racing. For a frantic half-second we fought the wheel. I heard a hard bam and tearing sounds.
Then we shot off the far end of the bridge and slid sideways into a chain-link fence. The car reared onto its side, and Travis fell on me.
I couldn't move, pinned by his arms. I waited for the claws to rip into me.
And waited.
"Are you done?" Travis rumbled. "If you are, we need to get outta here. Somebody'll call the cops." He pulled himself off of me, up into the passenger seat. Wedging himself there, he shoved his weight back and forth, rocking the car against the fence. After three or four well-timed shoves, the car toppled, whamming down onto four wheels.
Amazingly, the engine was still running. By feel, not taking my eyes off him, I shifted into reverse, pulled away from the fence, then pulled forward to swing onto the pavement. He opened his door and stepped out. "I'll find you," I said. "You can't get—"
"Don't be a dweeb," he said, startling me into silence. "I'm just gonna check the car."
He walked around. I heard, "Holy crap," followed by the creak of metal and crackle of plastic. "Turn around, go back to the bridge. We gotta pick up your bumper before some poor dumbass runs over it."
Hardly believing myself, I did as he said. My rear bumper lay half across the road. With arms unnaturally long, he picked it up, opened my rear door, and wedged it into my back seat. "That's gonna cost you some." He climbed into the front, bending almost double to fit.
"Not a mark on the right side, until just behind the rear wheel. A foot further back, you'd'a missed the post completely; six inches forward, you'd'a lost the wheel." He pointed east. "Turn around. Drive."
I drove. "I could never hurt you, Rick," he said. He shook his head. "I didn't hurt Ginger, either. She was safe, or should've been." Fresh tears in his eyes, he told me the true story of how Ginger died. I only interrupted once, to exclaim, "You slept with Carrie White, just to find someone she knew!"
"Yeah, I'm not proud of that. But I would've done worse, to find that guy."
When it was over, I should have had a thousand questions, but I only had three. "When I saw you tonight, I thought you looked, well, peaceful. Is that why? Because you got the truth about Ginger?"
"Peaceful? Oh, man, I wish. But yeah, I feel better than I have for a long time."
"You haven't said: How do you change back? Start…laughing?"
I guess to him it was a chuckle; it sounded like a bulldozer breaking up pavement. "I wish. No, it's what you said first: I gotta get peaceful. I have to let go of myself." That bulldozer sound again. "It's as hard as letting myself cry. I'm too uptight, even when I ought to relax."
I couldn't think of but one answer for that. I pulled into the Foulk Dam parking lot, put the car in park, and walked around to his door. "Get out," I said. He frowned up at me, but then clambered out, standing up, and up and up.
I hugged him, something I hadn't done since we were kids. It was weirdly like being ten years old again, when he was twelve and sprouting like a chinaberry tree; my head rested on his chest.
"I've got you," I told him now. "Just for a little while. Let me hold onto everything for you."
First, he cried. Then a car passed, and he gave a soundless laugh. "We look like a fine couple, I bet." And finally, I felt the tension go out of his back, out of his chest. "Stand back," he hissed.
From a pace away, I watched him shrink to the Travis Mosley I knew. He drew a deep breath of the cold night air, and grinned a familiar grin: warm but shallow — he was already rebuilding his walls. I knew now they held a door for me, as they had for Ginger. I asked my last question.
"Why were you at Second Baptist?" I already suspected the answer.
"I was following a woman. I think she's Coterie, but I don't think she knows about me; she's a witch, I'm pretty sure, but not all the Coterie are bad. I want information, and I think she'll talk to me."
He jerked his head at the car; we climbed back in. "You know I lost a month. By now, you can guess that's when this happened to me. When I became — whatever the hell I am."
"Not a were-cat, even with those claws. All stretched out like that, you're about as catlike as a blue heron. Were-giraffe?"
He laughed, a nice normal laugh. "Let's stick with werewolf." The laugh stopped. "That's when I was changed. And now I'm pretty sure who did it. The Coterie made me a werewolf."
We reached the Taylor Branch bridge below the dam. He looked up, at the glaring lights and the high concrete wall. "And that makes the Coterie the bastards that got Ginger killed."
We drove south toward home, his face as hard as Foulk Dam.
Update: The Coterie
submitted by DrunkenTree to nosleep [link] [comments]


2019.11.05 23:43 DrunkenTree Moonrise at the Diner: Rick's Story

His face streaked with tears, he writhed in his seat. His legs stretched; bare ankle appeared below his jeans. His shirt pulled loose, his back hunching, his head pressed to my car's roof. I saw claws, sharp and heavy, slide from beneath his fingernails.
Underneath his face, the bones shifted shape. The brow rose and sloped, the lower jaw lengthened front and rear. Muscles bulged in his face, telling of terrible power in his bite.
I'd been hunting for the so-called "werewolf" who killed my sister. Now he was in my passenger seat, and I had only seconds to decide what to do.
One August evening four years ago, my sister, Ginger Ames, died at the Square Diner in Drunken Tree. The coroner ruled her death accidental: she fell on broken glass when people were running away in panic. Even if that was true, I still blamed the bastard who started the panic.
The man who killed Ginger was described as about five-foot-ten to six-foot, wavy dark blond hair loose to his shoulders, clean-shaven, brown eyes, no scars. (Twenty people there, but no photos — that's panic for you.)
Ordinary-looking — except when he was seven feet tall and had claws he could sheathe like a cat's. That description's from the man who served his burger and fries, just before he started crying, grew a foot taller, and started killing people.
This fall, a man named Robert Suter was torn open in the parking lot of the same diner. His friend Carrie White said they'd been discussing Ginger's death; Suter had been a witness that night.
Another man, Jacob Evers, had been with Carrie and Suter. She'd dated Evers several times. She introduced Evers to Suter, they all had dinner together, but she left before they did. Suter was found dead in the parking lot. Evers hasn't been seen since.
Jacob Evers was described as five-nine to six-foot, hazel eyes, bald, full blond beard. Ordinary-looking, aside from the whiskers. Carrie White said he had no scars or tattoos, anywhere (she'd had opportunity to see). Police said the name is probably false.
Four years ago, right after Ginger's funeral, I met with LeeAnn Groce. LeeAnn had been Ginger's lover for about a year. A few months before Ginger was killed, they'd quietly split up, but they'd remained close friends and talked frequently. Now I learned that LeeAnn spoke to Ginger the night she was killed.
"She called me, asked if Travis had come by. They talked all the time, you know." I knew: Travis Mosley and Ginger had been best friends since Argenta Junior High, closer than siblings. Though I was a couple of years younger, he'd been my friend, too, as much as anybody so bottled-up could be.
Travis was a stoic, never betraying hurt or anger; though he had a warm grin, he only rarely showed excitement or affection. Only Ginger could open him up. All our parents expected them to get married — then they both announced they were gay, the same week.
That had rattled me. I'd never had a gay friend before, didn't know how to take it. But when I saw how he stuck by Ginger during our parents' first angry, frightened reactions, I realized I owed him the same loyalty.
He'd disappeared for a while, earlier that summer; when he reappeared, he claimed not to know where he'd been. Ginger was the only one who really believed him; even his parents thought he was hiding something. I didn't know what to believe; I backed him because Ginger did.
Now LeeAnn told me that Ginger and Travis had planned to meet at the Square Diner. Ginger had called LeeAnn because Travis was late and hadn't called her. LeeAnn said, "Ginger thought maybe he'd come by here to get her, not remembering we split up."
I toyed with the idea that Travis was the "werewolf". Travis was the right size and build, a bit under six feet, and blond. All the descriptions called the guy "ordinary-looking" until he changed. And Travis was the complete guy next door, ordinary as oatmeal, except for two stark scars on his chin and cheek from a bicycle wreck.
I was ashamed for even considering him. Travis, crying in public? Laughable. And I absolutely couldn't believe he'd hurt Ginger. He'd have died first.
Travis hadn't come to Ginger's funeral, though, a real shock. He'd holed up in his parents' house in Argenta, absolutely crushed by her death. I'd gone by to visit, and found him sitting in a darkened bedroom. Though glad to see me, at first he'd hardly talk. When he did, his voice was flat. "It's like a curse. First I lose a month, then I lose Ginger. Something happens to Mom and Dad — no way I could stand that. I'd just die." I'd never heard that much emotion from him.
A week or two later, he took off. Closed his apartment, stored his stuff, and left town. He called his parents every week or two, but never told them where he was. He turned off friend-tracking on his phone.
I didn't see him for four years.
About the time Travis left, I talked to the server in the diner. Only a few weeks after Ginger's funeral, Marcus Alderisio's story was already well-rehearsed. "Aldo" said Ginger and this blond-haired fellow came in together. The man started crying. "I thought she was giving him the Dear John," said Aldo. "He started cryin', then he changed."
"I was closer than anybody else," Aldo said, "right 'cross the counter. I could see tears dripping off his chin. I can tell you, he didn't sprout hair or big fangs, none of that. But his bones changed; when he stood up he was over seven foot. And he had claws like a cat, that he could sheathe or pop out."
A lady screamed, but the real panic didn't start until some working-class-hero type tried to wrestle the cat-man to the ground. He eviscerated the idiot. When guts hit the floor, the diner went crazy. Less than a minute later, Ginger was dying, her belly ripped by glass; she bled to death before paramedics arrived. The coroner found bruises on her back, from feet.
Hating myself, I showed Aldo a photo of Travis on my phone. Small as the image was, he immediately picked out the facial scars. "Same kind of face, real John Doe type, but this guy didn't have so much as an acne scar. Perfect skin."
Two days after Suter's murder, I talked again to Aldo. Before he'd say a word, I had to remind him I was Ginger's brother, and that we'd talked four years earlier. But he wasn't much help regarding "Jacob Evers". "I told the cops, I don't know if it's the same guy. I couldn't pick either one of them out of a decent lineup, they got that kind of face. Joe-average face, no scars, no tattoos, just that beard. I'd recognize this guy's voice again, maybe, we talked that much, but his face? Could be anybody."
At least this time I could be sure it wasn't Travis, since "Jacob" had slept with Carrie White. Some small comfort.
How do you find a "werewolf"? (Or were-cat?) The cops thought it was some sort of stunt, and were checking all of Ginger's acquaintances. (They'd investigated Travis, too, but I still felt guilty.)
In four years, while I was in college, they found no leads on the "Diner killer." Now, with Robert Suter, there'd been another killing. They wouldn't say whether they thought it was the same killer.
But either way, they weren't looking for a shape-shifter with cat claws. I was. A shape-shifter who cried.
My granddad used to say of someone: "He was raised breathing Drunken Tree Lake." He meant that people who move to the area don't have the same attitudes as people who grew up here. And people who grew up in town don't have the same attitudes as those who lived along the shore or in the hills.
Things happen around here. Sometimes people make things happen. This fall, after wondering for four years about Ginger's death, I wanted to make something happen.
I looked up a lady who'd been my grandmother's friend when I was little, and asked her what she remembered about Ginger's death. If she'd blamed it on drugs, like the newspapers, I'd have visited a while and gone home.
But she said, "That was a terrible thing. And that creature's still around, somewhere; you heard he killed another man last week?"
When I told her what I wanted, she warned, "Some of those folks can be as dangerous as the thing that killed Ginger. You should keep your distance from them."
I told her I had to find the cat-man, whatever it took. "You're fixing to do it anyway," she said finally, "so I suppose I ought to steer you to the right people. Let me ask about, see who's still walking this earth."
I left my number. A week later she called me. "There's a man named Yuri White, lives on Grace Mountain, Jackson Road. He won't do anything, but he'll put you in touch." She read me a number.
"Yuri White. Jackson Road."
"Mister White, to you. He's uppish that way."
Mr. White refused to talk on the phone or invite me to his home. "I'll meet you at the old Second Baptist, downtown Argenta. You know it?"
"Across from Guthrie Park?"
"That's it. I'll be there at three to meet someone else. If you come, we'll talk. I'll have a black necktie."
Guthrie Park is a square block on JFK. Crossing the park to Second Baptist Church, I spotted a broad-shouldered bald guy with a blond beard, maybe forty, leaning against a historic marker, gazing up at the church. I tensed, then relaxed. Since Suter was killed, I'd been clenching up at every bald, bearded blond I saw.
The little church had closed down, I discovered; a sign said it would soon be a "Neighborhood Resource Center". Inside, several young people in jeans and T-shirts worked at scrubbing and painting concrete-block walls. The color of Mr. White's tie was irrelevant; nobody else even had a collar. He was a tall, thin man, perhaps in his late sixties, with thick snow-white hair and a narrow mustache.
I briefly told Ginger's story. "I want to find him," I said. "Landy said you knew people."
"Perhaps. Have you heard of the Coterie?"
The what? "No, sir."
"Good — you shouldn't have. And it would be good if no one heard of them from you." He smiled thinly. "One of them is likely to have the required skill. And this sort of case often interests them."
He stooped toward me. "They will expect a substantial payment. Are you prepared to pay?"
I remembered standing by Ginger's grave, sweating in my best suit. "If I can afford it, sir, I'll pay whatever it takes."
The bearded guy still stood looking at the church. His eyes flicked to me as I came out, looked away, then came back more sharply. "Rick?" he said.
The voice rang bells but the face didn't. "Sorry?" He grinned, obviously unsurprised at my lack of recognition. Even with a beard, that grin was familiar, and took fifteen years off him. I looked at the tanned scalp, the whiskered jaw. "Travis?"
"Hey, man, how you been?"
He'd grown thin since I'd last seen him; the broad shoulders only emphasized that. And that bare scalp — Cancer?
But there was a robustness to him that belied that thought. Clean, I thought, then couldn't think why. "Where the hell have you been?" It just burst out; he'd been such a part of Ginger's life, then he'd fallen off the earth.
Before he answered, he walked right up and put his arms around me. I returned his embrace somewhat hesitantly, unused to such display from him. He stepped back and looked me over. "I've been kinda messed up," he said. "I lost more'n a month of my life, and I'm still hunting for it."
"You still don't know how? Jesus, your mom must've called Ginger two hundred times while you were missing, asking had she heard from you. Where have you been since?"
"Around. You'd've seen me, but I hear you went to Texas A&M." He punched me on the shoulder. "Traitor."
"I had to get away. After Ginger — I couldn't stay home. Compared to Arkansas, Texas is like a foreign goddam country."
"Yeah, Ginger messed me up, too. I spent so much time trying to find out what happened to her."
"Me, too, whenever I came home. You believe in this werewolf shit?"
"Not one goddamn bit." His jaw clenched. "I believe in plain old human fuckery; that's more than enough."
"Listen, I, uh — I've got to get to the bank. Are you at your mom's house? We should talk, compare notes. Maybe between us we've got all the pieces."
He cocked his head. "You mean you've actually found out something? I must've talked to a hundred people who said they were there that night, and not more than ten of them were for real."
"I think I've got a lead, at least. But I really have to get across town. You carry a phone, right?" I sent him a text, so we had each other's numbers.
I was in line at the bank when my phone rang. "Two thousand dollars," Mr. White told me. "Five hundred in advance, for our expenses. Fifteen hundred if and when we find him. If we can't, we don't bill you."
I whistled softly. "That's a lot."
"This requires more than a Craigslist ad, Mr. Ames. Our techniques can be dangerous, even when we aren't seeking a known killer."
Earlier he'd said they, not we. "How fast do you need the five?"
"Please have it by this evening. Somebody will come for it. She'll call herself Kite."
"Free spirit, huh?"
"No, Mr. Ames. A very efficient hunter."
She couldn't have been sixteen yet, skinny and coltish, but she scared me. When I opened my door, she stood on my porch, twitching like an open switchblade. The sunset flamed against her strawberry-blonde hair.
"I'm Kite." I'd have sooner invited a hooded cobra into my apartment, but she slipped in before I could protest. I had the urge to check my ribs for slashes. I gave her a $500 cashier's check, and she gave me a receipt. "We'll keep Mr. White informed."
When she was gone, I drew a deep breath, and felt myself shuddering. Our techniques can be dangerous, Mr. White had said. She was scary as hell, but seemed like she'd be fast and efficient.
I had no idea how fast things were about to move. In two hours, I'd know nearly everything.
Fifteen minutes after Kite left, someone knocked. My heart pounding, fearful she'd returned, I opened the door. Travis stood there.
The sunset had already faded. Thin, hairless, his beard grayed in the twilight, he looked like the Ghost of Travis Yet-to-come. "Hey, man," he said softly. "Your mom told me where you live. This a good time to talk?"
"Yeah, sure, c'mon in."
"Don't like talking inside. How about we go for a drive around the lake?"
I started to protest, but something in his face stopped me. There was a look of tremendous calm, even peace, about him — but it was the peace of someone who has swallowed an enormous pain, certain of his capacity to absorb it.
"Yeah, sure," I said again. "Let me go pee and grab a drink."
Driving north through the marina district, we exchanged news about our families: our parents, his grandfather, my older brother Gary in Atlanta. Not until we hit the quiet, dark, tree-flanked roads of Grace Mountain did our talk turn to Ginger.
I summarized what I'd learned over the years (though I didn't admit showing his photo to Aldo). He listened intently, without commenting.
At the end he said, "Well, it's too bad, but you ain't got anything I didn't already have." But he didn't seem disappointed; in fact, he seemed almost relieved.
I asked him what he knew that I didn't. "I don't know," he said. "I don't know if you're ready to hear some of it."
What? "Travis, that's not fair! She's my sister!" But I watched his face close, growing distant. I realized something: Travis had been trying to open up with me as he had with Ginger. But I wasn't Ginger, and in the end he couldn't trust me that far. It hurt, but I resolved not to show it.
So I realized something about myself: I was trying to be like Travis, stoic and strong. Before he came out, I'd have never guessed that a gay man would one day be my role model for tough.
And a final revelation: Four years at A&M hadn't taught me anything about dealing with death. Though older than Ginger had been when she died, I was still a kid, asking the grownups for help.
We were winding down Grace Mountain Road, less than a minute from the center of Drunken Tree. To circle the lake, we'd turn east toward Shore Road — right past the Square Diner. I'd been by it often (small as Drunken Tree is, to avoid the diner you'd have to avoid the whole town), but tonight Ginger's memories were strong. I signaled a right turn, my grip painfully tight on the wheel. There in the bright lights, people sat eating supper.
"Well, if you won't help me," I said, "somebody else will. I've been talking to people. They think they can find the guy with the claws." I stopped, embarrassed to say more.
"Who the hell told you that?"
"Don't snap at — Sorry, I just feel so damn silly saying it. They're witches. You know the stories around here — witchcraft, covens up in the hills. They can find things cops can't."
He sucked in sharply. "You were at the church. Who was it?"
"People called the Coterie. They say they can help."
"Oh, Christ, Rick, are you crazy? They're dangerous! How the hell did you even hear of the Coterie?"
"I asked around. Old folks; you know the people I could ask."
The village fell behind us. From here to the dam, Shore Road was woodland and houses on large private tracts, with a few shore-side developments. The old money lived here, north of the lake.
"Oh, Jesus, you don't know who you're messing with. Did any of them give you a name?"
"A girl named Kite. Just a kid."
"Oh shit oh Christ. Those people will kill you if you screw with them. Why the hell did you go to them?"
I started to cry, blurring my headlights on the curves. "I loved her so much," I choked out, "but she trusted you. I was just the little pest brother."
His face worked. "Shit, no, man, she was hella proud of you. Aggie scholarship and all that? She talked about you all the—" He broke off. By passing headlights I saw tears glisten in his eyes.
And I saw something else. His beard covered his chin and his jawline, but not his upper cheeks. Clean, I'd thought in Guthrie Park, and wondered why. The beard had confused me, but the white scar was gone from his left cheek.
Without thinking, I pressed the gas. In moments I was going over fifty, rural mailboxes flashing past.
I couldn't ask the question in my mind: Who are you? Instead I asked, "Why were you late? If you'd got there on time, you could've protected her."
He groaned. "I was there. I tried to protect her." I glanced at him. He'd squeezed his eyes tight, fighting the tears streaming down his face. He started cryin', Aldo'd said, then he changed.
As Travis changed now. My friend, my sister's best friend, changed into something I couldn't explain.
I pressed the gas harder; if I went fast enough maybe he wouldn't dare attack. I whipped around a curve, tires squalling; claws sprang out to grip my dash. His growls laid a ghastly bass line beneath my shrieking tires.
If he attacked me — or if I found the courage — I would slam my car's passenger side against one of the huge old hickories flashing by. Would it kill him? Even hurt him? Crazily, I thought of the times I'd considered having a silver-bladed knife made, just for this scene — this confrontation with my sister's killer.
I came out of a curve half-sideways, and fought the car back into its lane. I knew Shore Road, but not at this speed. I glanced toward Travis; he sat braced in his seat, lips drawn back, jaws clenched. His voice was thick, guttural. "Rick. Please slow down."
I shot past a westbound pickup at eighty. "You killed her. You got her killed." My own voice was tight, raised just over the road noise.
He terrified me, but so did my speed. A tree appeared on the right, very near the road; I tried to twitch the wheel toward it but my arms wouldn't obey — or obeyed a deeper command.
"I didn't hurt her," he growled, a voice from the pit. "Another man killed her, on purpose. You gotta believe me."
Now a ditch ran along the road's right side; I'd missed my chance with trees over there. Tall poles for high-tension lines were flashing by on the left, shining in moonlight; too far from the road. Then I remembered the bridge over Possum Walk Creek.
A short stretch to accelerate, a quick twitch to the right, and a concrete post would tear off everything behind my right headlight.
He must have seen my eyes change as the bridge came into sight. As I floored the gas, he leaped at me, roaring. My last hesitation overcome, I turned squarely toward the bridge pillar.
One clawed hand snatched at the wheel, tearing a gash across my raised arm. The other grabbed the transmission lever and chunked it into neutral. The engine screamed, racing. For a frantic half-second we fought the wheel. I heard a hard bam and tearing sounds.
Then we shot off the far end of the bridge and slid sideways into a chain-link fence. The car reared onto its side, and Travis fell on me.
I couldn't move, pinned by his arms. I waited for the claws to rip into me.
And waited.
"Are you done?" Travis rumbled. "If you are, we need to get outta here. Somebody'll call the cops." He pulled himself off of me, up into the passenger seat. Wedging himself there, he shoved his weight back and forth, rocking the car against the fence. After three or four well-timed shoves, the car toppled, whamming down onto four wheels.
Amazingly, the engine was still running. By feel, not taking my eyes off him, I shifted into reverse, pulled away from the fence, then pulled forward to swing onto the pavement. He opened his door and stepped out. "I'll find you," I said. "You can't get—"
"Don't be a dweeb," he said, startling me into silence. "I'm just gonna check the car."
He walked around. I heard, "Holy crap," followed by the creak of metal and crackle of plastic. "Turn around, go back to the bridge. We gotta pick up your bumper before some poor dumbass runs over it."
Hardly believing myself, I did as he said. My rear bumper lay half across the road. With arms unnaturally long, he picked it up, opened my rear door, and wedged it into my back seat. "That's gonna cost you some." He climbed into the front, bending almost double to fit.
"Not a mark on the right side, until just behind the rear wheel. A foot further back, you'd'a missed the post completely; six inches forward, you'd'a lost the wheel." He pointed east. "Turn around. Drive."
I drove. "I could never hurt you, Rick," he said. He shook his head. "I didn't hurt Ginger, either. She was safe, or should've been." Fresh tears in his eyes, he told me the true story of how Ginger died. I only interrupted once, to exclaim, "You slept with Carrie White, just to find someone she knew!"
"Yeah, I'm not proud of that. But I would've done worse, to find that guy."
When it was over, I should have had a thousand questions, but I only had three. "When I saw you tonight, I thought you looked, well, peaceful. Is that why? Because you got the truth about Ginger?"
"Peaceful? Oh, man, I wish. But yeah, I feel better than I have for a long time."
"You haven't said: How do you change back? Start…laughing?"
I guess to him it was a chuckle; it sounded like a bulldozer breaking up pavement. "I wish. No, it's what you said first: I gotta get peaceful. I have to let go of myself." That bulldozer sound again. "It's as hard as letting myself cry. I'm too uptight, even when I ought to relax."
I couldn't think of but one answer for that. I pulled into the Foulk Dam parking lot, put the car in park, and walked around to his door. "Get out," I said. He frowned up at me, but then clambered out, standing up, and up and up.
I hugged him, something I hadn't done since we were kids. It was weirdly like being ten years old again, when he was twelve and sprouting like a chinaberry tree; my head rested on his chest.
"I've got you," I told him now. "Just for a little while. Let me hold onto everything for you."
First, he cried. Then a car passed, and he gave a soundless laugh. "We look like a fine couple, I bet." And finally, I felt the tension go out of his back, out of his chest. "Stand back," he hissed.
From a pace away, I watched him shrink to the Travis Mosley I knew. He drew a deep breath of the cold night air, and grinned a familiar grin: warm but shallow — he was already rebuilding his walls. I knew now they held a door for me, as they had for Ginger. I asked my last question.
"Why were you at Second Baptist?" I already suspected the answer.
"I was following a woman. I think she's Coterie, but I don't think she knows about me; she's a witch, I'm pretty sure, but not all the Coterie are bad. I want information, and I think she'll talk to me."
He jerked his head at the car; we climbed back in. "You know I lost a month. By now, you can guess that's when this happened to me. When I became — whatever the hell I am."
"Not a were-cat, even with those claws. All stretched out like that, you're about as catlike as a blue heron. Were-giraffe?"
He laughed, a nice normal laugh. "Let's stick with werewolf." The laugh stopped. "That's when I was changed. And now I'm pretty sure who did it. The Coterie made me a werewolf."
We reached the Taylor Branch bridge below the dam. He looked up, at the glaring lights and the high concrete wall. "And that makes the Coterie the bastards that got Ginger killed."
We drove south toward home, his face as hard as Foulk Dam.
submitted by DrunkenTree to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]


2019.09.18 18:10 DrunkenTree The Sunlight Ghost of September -- First Part

[I started blogging about the ghost girl last week, but nobody ever reads my blog, so I cut and pasted all my posts so far.]

Day 2, Monday the 9th

You didn't miss Day 1 -- I did, at least if the week starts on Sunday. I missed yesterday; I bitched up today. I'm trying again tomorrow. I've got five more chances.
It's a local urban legend, about a girl who jumped her car over a hill. If you can do the same thing -- the same way -- she appears and gives you some sort of magical power.
But you have to do it at exactly the right time of day, when the sun is shining straight down a certain street.
I think that's what first really got my attention. How many ghost stories do you know that happen in the middle of the day? What kind of ghost appears in sunlight?
You probably read "jump a car" and picture me as some shaved-head guy with power-lifting muscles, Vin Diesel in an old Dodge Charger. I'm an Arkansas Tech sophomore, a girl, five-six and a half, a hundred and twenty-eight pounds, and I drive a rusty old white Corolla that my mom drove in high school, already used.
There's a billion versions of the legend, but they all start with this girl at Arkansas Tech, a freshman, just started her first fall semester. She was trying to impress a guy she wanted to date. She did this freak thing with her car, and got him to ask her out. But then there was some Twilight Zone twist, and she got killed. Some versions say he died, too.
So the legend says if you can jump your car the same way, her ghost gives you a special power to use one time. But you have to do it the same time of the month the ghost girl did it, the second week of September (one girl told me the third week) -- and when the sun is shining right down the center of the street -- right in your eyes, in other words. It's scary, but I bet I can do it.
It happened on a steep street up on Crow Mountain. The street goes up a hill, then turns down so suddenly that for a couple of seconds you can't see the road, just empty space in front of you. You feel like you're about to drive right off a cliff.
You have to floor it up the hill, and keep it floored when you get to the top, so your car flies right off the ground, like a cop in a movie. And land without wrecking -- that's the real trick. And you've got to drive right up the center line of the street, and the sun has to be right straight in front of you, right over the center line. (You've got a couple of minutes slop either way. And it's okay to wear sunglasses.)
I didn't hear about the legend my freshman September. I heard about it last spring, and kept asking people until I had all these different versions, and now it's finally September -- time I can do something about it.
Back in spring, I drove over that hill just to look. The first time, a guy took me up there and made me squeal going over the top. Then I drove it myself, and even going slow it's hard not to panic and hit the brake; you're pretty high up, and the road absolutely disappears in front of you. It's fun to take someone new up that hill; I made my boyfriend scream like a little bitch. (I broke up with him.)
But I've had to wait until September to actually try the legend. And I had to find someone to ride along -- another part of nearly every version says you have to have a passenger in the car. (Not somebody you want to go out with; just a random person. And only the driver gets any special power.)
My roommate this year I don't like much; Joann's kind of whiny and spoiled. But Chayce, that I met last year, one of the people who told me about the girl's legend, agreed to ride with me -- she wanted to see a ghost, even if I got the reward.
The street runs almost directly south, so at first I thought I'd have to drive up right at noon. But my phone's compass said the sun was still southeast at noon -- Duh! With Daylight Savings Time, at noon the sun still thinks it's eleven o'clock! I decided we'd better scout the hill.
I didn't want to wait at the bottom of the hill for the sun to line up. People that live on that street know the legend, and so do the Russellville cops, so anybody who stops to wait at the bottom gets the cops called on them. So last week we drove by, and then drove by again, until we saw the sun lined up, just a few minutes before one o'clock.
Chayce and I were ready yesterday, the first day of the week, but in the middle of the day it was pouring rain; like my dad says, it rained like billy-hell. You have to be able to see the sun. I couldn't even see the top of the hill from the bottom.
Today we went out again. I drove by a couple of times, letting the sun line up. (There's no painted line, but there's a big seam in the concrete -- it's a really old street, from like in the sixties.) And when it was just right, I started up the street, and halfway up I floored the gas. But I couldn't see where I was going for the sun, and I chickened out -- I didn't hit the brake, but I let off the gas just before we got to the top.
Chayce was pissed at first, but after a little while she told me that just before we got to the top she nearly peed herself. If you haven't been over a hill like that, it's hard to believe just how scary it is. Worse than going over the top of a roller coaster -- in a coaster you at least know you're on a track, not steering yourself.
We're going to try again tomorrow. I want to meet the ghost girl.

Day 3, Tuesday the 10th

I nearly killed myself today, and Chayce too -- and she's mad because she thinks I did it on purpose. No, I just screwed up.
But I know I'm trying to do it right. Other than the girl being a freshman chasing a boy, the one thing all the versions have the same is exactly how and when I have to make the jump. That's lucky, because everything else is all over the place.
Some say she was a Russellville girl, living at home; some say she lived on campus. (This was way back when all the women's dorms were on one side of Tech and all the guys' dorms were way over on the other side. These days all the dorms are co-ed.) Some say the girl was killed back in the seventies, some say the eighties. Different legends say the boy killed her, or he died with her, or he lived.
One version says the guy slept with her and dumped her, so she'll give you the power to have anyone you want for one night. One version says the guy slept with her and then killed her (usually strangled her); so for revenge she'll either make you able to call a lightning bolt one time, to strike whoever you want, or you can call her back to scare someone who dumped you.
Another version says she'll let you predict the future one time, because the very first time she kissed the guy a lightning bolt struck her and killed them both. I've heard even stranger versions.
So the only place the legends agree is that I've got to jump my car. After I chickened out Monday I went to Walmart and bought really dark sunglasses. This afternoon we cruised by a couple of times, waiting for the sun, then I decided it was time and made my turn. I punched the gas, and we went screaming up the hill, my transmission sounding like it's having a baby.
We're nearly to the top, and past the top of the hill there's a bird in the sky. I have about a tenth of a second to think, wait, it's not flying, and another tenth of a second to think, what's it sitting on?
And then I'm stomping the brake, and all four tires are squealing, and the car's skidding sideways, and Chayce and I are both screaming, and we come to a stop with one rear tire hanging in space because I turned up the wrong fucking hill -- this street ends right at the top, just stops, in an eight-foot drop onto a bunch of rocks. No curb, no yellow and black stripey signs, no rail, nothing. Insane.
The bird, a big hawk, was sitting on this spindly little tree growing out of the rocks. If that hawk hadn't been there, I wouldn't have seen the dropoff until it was too late to stop, and we'd have gone right over on the rocks.
If I'd turned around right then, I might could've driven onto the right street while the sun was still lined up -- it's just one block over. But I just sat there shaking and listening to Chayce crying and saying she hates me.
Chayce thinks I did it on purpose just to scare her. She's pissed, and she won't ride with me again tomorrow. I'll have to find somebody else.

Day 4, Wednesday the 11th

Maybe the legend's bullshit. Maybe I did something wrong.
I talked to a girl named Bethany from my Spanish class, and convinced her to ride with me. She's heard a couple of versions of the legend, ones where the girl and the boy were both killed.
One of them I hadn't heard before, nothing even close. Seems when the guy watched the girl make the jump, he was so blown away by how far she jumped her car that he wanted her to do it again -- and this time he was going to lie in the street while she jumped over him! Sounds completely crazy stupid, but a lot of people I know are like that. (You probably think I'm pretty crazy-stupid myself, jumping hills to see a ghost.)
He'd seen where her car left the ground, and where it landed, and he laid down crosswise of the street right in between. And she came roaring up the hill, and right at the top one of her tires blew out, and she jumped -- and landed splat on top of him. He squashed all over the road, and she rolled about nine times and went through her windshield. Bethany said they both had their heads torn clean off.
So I always wear my seat belt.
Today I made damn sure I turned onto the right hill. (The one I turned up Tuesday looks a lot like the right one, but there are these big DEAD END signs that I must have just driven right past. Stupid. Not crazy-stupid; plain dumbass.) Everything lined up perfectly, and I floored it up the hill.
We were just like Thelma and Louise, except both of us screamed, and we didn't kiss, but I kept the gas down until I felt us lift off. My belly shot right up to the roof of my mouth, and I heard a big clunk-clunk from my front and rear wheels. I thought for a minute I was going to wipe out on the downhill side -- it's even steeper than the uphill -- but I kept us straight. There's this stop sign, a T intersection, at the bottom of the hill, and I barely managed to stop before we ran it.
But nothing happened. I went right up the center line, I lifted right out of my seat -- without a seat belt I'd have hit the steering wheel -- and the sun was right on the line, perfect. But nothing happened.
Bethany said maybe I went over the hill the wrong way, but all the legends say you have to drive straight at the sun, not away from it. And nearly all the legends say you should see the ghost girl right away, there in the sunshine.
Maybe I wasn't going fast enough. Or maybe that other girl Lisa was right, that said the girl jumped the hill in the third week of September.
We're going to try again tomorrow. I'm going to ask Kasey to come watch, to tell me if I really get off the ground.

Later

Tonight in the library, I heard the most gruesome version of the legend yet. In this one, the girl didn't know it, but when she jumped her car she came down on a little kid, just one or two years old, and crushed her skull, brains all over the street.
The jumper girl never knew the kid was there. She got a date with the guy she liked, and they went to a parking spot to screw in her back seat, and the baby girl's father found them and killed them both with an axe. The jumper girl had a convertible; he didn't even have to open a door. After hearing that, I really want to have Kasey watching at the hilltop, to wave me Stop! if there's people on the downhill side.

Day 5, Thursday the 12th

My car's a complete POS. I'm so mad I could bite Joann.
Kasey bailed on me; she's got some drug court thing and she's scared of getting in worse with the cops. So Bethany found this guy named Bran to ride along. I drove up the street once, a little early -- scared the crap out of him, he hadn't seen that hill before -- then dropped him right at the top.
Then Bethany and I drove around to the uphill side, and I drove past a couple of times waiting for the sun. Then it was in line, and I floored my car all the way up. I was going over sixty when I hit the top of the hill.
Bran says my wheels left the ground, just barely. But he says my front wheels came off the ground, and then slammed back down -- just before my back wheels came free. I never had all four wheels in the air at once.
People say a Toyota will run forever. Well, so will a zombie. But it keeps getting uglier, and slower, and smellier, and more pieces keep falling off.
My car's a little bitty four-banger Corolla, about ninety years old, and I don't know how many times the odometer's rolled over. It's way way into the zombie stage of life. I couldn't make it run up that hill any faster if I took the seats out and tied Santa's reindeer to it. It's a worn-out pile of shit, and I hate it, and I'll never jump that hill driving it.
I want to see that fucking ghost girl. I'm starting to feel like she owes me.

Day 6, Friday the 13th

Jesus Fucking Christ with mustard, I am in so much trouble. I could go to jail. I'm so scared, I'm crying as I try to type. It's almost enough to make me believe in Friday the 13th.
I don't know whatall they can throw at me -- at least I didn't murder any little kids. Or Bran, or Bethany. Bran must be keeping his mouth shut so far, because I'm not arrested or anything. But can the cops make him talk? He's got to be an accomplice, or an accessory, or aiding and abetting -- one of those a-things.
Yesterday I thought it was over. My Toyota is hopeless. But Bran asked why I was trying to jump the hill -- he'd never heard the jumper girl urban legend. I told him the story, and how my car was too old and burned-out, and he offered to let me use his car. He said it was fast.
He didn't want to ride along -- he looked straight at me and said, "Ghosts scare me." So I told him Bethany needed to come along, and he said we'd have to bring my car, because his only has two seats. He wouldn't let me drive his car around town -- just over the hill. I told him what time to meet me there.
So I picked up Bethany, drove to the hill, and parked halfway down the downhill side. He drove up in this absolutely gorgeous mint-green car, stopped past me and got out, and walked up the hill to watch my jump. Bethany and I got into his car and drove on down the hill.
It was a Cadillac XLR convertible -- I didn't even know Cadillac built sports cars. It had rims bigger around than my Corolla's whole tires. Even closed, that convertible top gave me the jeebees, remembering the legend where the girl's killed with an ax.
It was way away the fanciest car I've ever been in -- and driving it scared the crap out of me. I felt like somebody handed me a Ming vase worth a billion dollars and told me not to even sweat on it. I drove maybe ten miles an hour around to the uphill side; I was nearly too late to catch the sun lined up.
He really should have let me try it out. I had no idea what a big motor it had, what a completely badass car it was -- it was a freaking Cadillac, an old-folks car, not a Porsche or a Corvette. I got to the bottom of the hill, saw Bran wave an all-clear, and stomped down the gas.
I heard tires squalling, and the top of the hill jumped at me, and I was over it -- just that fast. I didn't think to let off the gas, even when I heard the engine racing because the wheels were off the ground.
I looked out my side window, and there was Bran, below me, and he's got to be six feet tall. I looked ahead, and there was the downhill road standing up in front of me like a wall. That Cadillac came down on its front end, and the air bags went off, and everything outside the windows spun sideways. We spun off the road, ass-first into somebody's pickup truck. It sounded like a house fell on us.
Bran came running down the hill. Bethany was shrieking. I pushed the air bag to the side and unbuckled my seat belt and pushed on the door and nothing happened. But the windows were gone, so I just climbed out. Bran was getting Bethany out the other side. The front and back of his car looked like somebody stomped a Mountain Dew can, but neither one of us was hurt -- that car saved our lives.
I was shaking, and Bran was raving about his car, and a woman was coming out of the house behind the pickup. I grabbed Bethany's arm and dragged her up to my car -- we'd gone nearly to the bottom of the hill -- and threw her in. I peeled out backward, up the hill away from the yelling woman -- I was shaking so badly I nearly hit another parked car -- and left Bran there with his totaled Caddy and this screaming woman and her totaled pickup.
Bethany yelled at me all the way back to Tech, and swore she'd never speak to me again. I told her if she talks, she'll be in trouble for leaving the scene, too. And she'll be an accessory to whatever I get charged with. I dropped her at her dorm and drove off, still shaking. She promised not to tell anybody, but I bet she told her roommate inside of five minutes.
So I totaled a car that probably cost a quarter million, and I left the scene of an accident, and I left Bran up shit creek. I jumped a car over the hill, and the sun was lined up, but since I wrecked, I don't get to see the girl's ghost. Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the cops to show up. And crying on my laptop.

Later

The only good thing is, I'm not going to jail, at least not this time. Nobody's going to jail. Bethany didn't tell me before, but it turns out Bran's family has more money than God, and even the lady with the pickup says he wasn't driving, so the cops won't touch him.
He called this evening, made me come downstairs to talk to him. He had to talk to me face to face, nothing by phone or text for the cops to find. He's told the cops a completely BS story, and pretty much dared them to call him a liar.
"I met a cute girl. She wanted to try out my car, and I thought she was really cute, so I said okay. She said there was a hill she always wanted to race up. So I followed her out to it, and let her drive, and she wrecked my car. Then she ran off, and I never even found out her name. I'd have chased her, but I knew I wasn't supposed to leave an accident. If you catch her, throw her ass in jail for me."
So Bran plays the spoiled rich idiot, and the cops yell at him for being stupid about a girl, but they have to let him go. And his family pays for the lady's pickup truck.
The pickup lady saw me getting out the driver's side, but I guess her truck blocked her from seeing Bethany. Then Bran was there, and she was yelling at him while I dragged Bethany off up the hill. She never knew there were two girls. Bran told the cops that the "cute girl" drove some kind of little Ford. He had to say it was white, because the pickup lady saw that much, but there are a million white cars in Russellville.
So I'm in the clear, as long as Bethany keeps her mouth shut. Bran says his insurance will pay for the car and the truck, but if I ever come near him he'll "recognize" me and tell the cops.
So I've only got my little slow-ass rust box, and nobody to ride with me. This ghost girl is costing me too many friends.

Day 7, Saturday the 14th

It's over. There's no way I'm ever going to jump that hill; there's no way I'm ever going to meet the ghost girl. I think I'm a little obsessed; I was thinking a little while ago about stealing a car to jump. I've been trying to think of a way I could make a ramp, to force my stupid Toyota to jump.
At breakfast I met a girl named Shanmay, who knew another version of the dead girl's legend. This one has the girl strangled by her new boyfriend, like some of the others; what's different is that a guy back in the nineties actually jumped the hill in a Trans Am, and got to see the ghost girl.
Before she'd give him whatever power he'd get, he had to spend the night in bed with her. She came to his apartment -- his roommate freaked and ran away -- and stayed all night. In the morning the roommate came back and found him in his bed, dead. The bedroom smelled like dead things, and the owner couldn't get the stink out. They walled off the whole room, made that apartment one-bedroom.
I drove by the street before lunch; there's a Russellville cop car parked there, right at the top of the hill -- you can see him from both ends of the street. They can't keep a cop there all the time, but he only has to be there for a little while in the middle of the day -- and only today and maybe tomorrow, then the week's over.

Day 8, Sunday the 15th

...or Day 7, depending on when you figure the week starts. Or the third week of September, Day 1, maybe.
Tonight Lisa, one of the girls who first told me the legend last spring, sat down beside me in McDonalds. "I heard what you did to Bran's Mercedes," she said, low-voiced, leaning over.
I almost blurted out, "It's a Cadillac," which would have been admitting I knew what she meant. But I managed to just look confused.
"Everybody knows about it," Lisa said. "Everybody thinks it's wild, how you wrecked his car and someone's truck and got away with it. A lot of people are laughing at him, but they also think it's cool how he covered for you. And his folks'll buy him ten more cars like that, if he wants. I've met them; they spoil him rotten."
I was not happy to be talking to her about this. If this random-ass girl I hardly know has heard about me wrecking Bran's car, how many other people know? How long before somebody mentions me to the cops? A hit-and-run accident probably qualifies for one of those Crime Stoppers rewards, even if nobody got hurt. "Assuming I even knew what you're talking about," I said, "so what?"
"So I know what you were trying to do. You gonna to try again?"
"The week's over," I said -- then I remembered what Lisa'd said before.
She said it again. "Most people have it all wrong. See, like I told you, it's really the third week of September that's important."
I told her about the cop parked on the hill. "He'll have to stay another week," she said, "and he won't; the cops all believe the second-week story, too. He'll be gone tomorrow, and then you can do it. Anyway, it wouldn't have worked the day you wrecked; you have to jump in the third week of September."
"You're the only one who thinks so."
But she did think so, and she had reason: Her uncle had gone to Arkansas Tech in the nineties, and told her he actually knew the guy in the Trans Am. He really tried to sleep with the ghost girl, and she scared him to death (or froze him or maybe screwed him to death). But Lisa's uncle insisted it happened in the third week, not the second.
So I started to get my hopes up a little, and then it hit me: "Jesus Christ, I'd have to sleep with her."
Lisa leaned close, a little too close. "I'd stay with you."
I looked at her, and she just barely licked her lips. I've done it before -- me and a girl in high school had a mad crush for about a month, until her parents broke it up -- but something about Lisa said sex vampire. I got sort of hot and sort of sick at the same time.
It's weird hearing the Trans Am story from Shanmay yesterday, and then again from Lisa today. It's almost like I was supposed to hear it, and that creeps me out.
My car's still a POS, but if Lisa's right, I've got six more days to find someone with a better car. I still want to meet the ghost girl, even if I have to let her touch me -- even if I have to let Lisa touch me.
Does that make me a whore?

Day 9, Monday the 16th

Bran, whose Cadillac I wiped out, caught me outside Class Piano this morning. (I don't know how he found out my schedule; it's a little creepy.) He told me the lady with the wrecked pickup had been paid off, and had signed a paper, a release, saying she wouldn't sue or press charges against anyone in the accident.
"Why would she do that?" I asked.
"Because my parents offered her a lot of money." He told his parents part of what happened -- mainly that he knew in advance what I was going to do, so he could probably be charged with something, even though he wasn't actually driving. Which is why he lied to the cops -- not to protect me.
He said the pickup lady knew all about the ghost girl legend. She hadn't lived on that hill when the girl died, she told Bran, but she'd been there when the guy in the Trans Am jumped -- she didn't hear the part Shanmay told me about him dying later.
She said there's always kids racing up that hill; she didn't let her kids play in the front yard when they were little. The racers mostly chicken out at the top, like I did the first time, but there've been cops on that hill in other years. People on that street have asked Russellville to put in speed bumps, so anybody trying to jump will wreck their suspension. After my wreck, she's going to start another petition.
Bran was careful again, not to say anything in a phone call or a text. I wish Bethany had as much sense. She didn't say much, just sent, need talk wreck. But if the cops get really suspicious, that's plenty.
I told her I'd meet her in her dorm lobby. She just sent back, u better.
She was still angry at me. "This guy came to see me," she said, "said he was a cop. He said he'd heard I knew something about the wreck. If I hadn't just finished smoking a joint, I'd have had a heart attack."
"Shit, I'd have had a heart attack anyway -- standing there smelling like pot!"
"He came to my room; it's always reeking with those candles Sharon uses. They stink up everything." It's true; sometimes you can smell those candles on her. She said, "But I was mellowed out, so I didn't freak. I said I'd heard people talking, that was all. He asked me where was I, Friday, and I told him me and you went to the mall."
At first I kind of freaked, because she'd named me, but then I realized people might have seen us in my car. And we really had gone to the mall together, only it was Thursday afternoon, after Bran said I didn't quite get my Toyota off the ground. We hadn't bought anything -- there's not a lot to buy, it's a tiny little mall -- but we'd shopped around.
I told her if the cop came back, she should just tell what we did Thursday; that way we could both talk about the same stores, without sounding like we'd rehearsed anything. I told her she'd been smart.
"I know," she said, like I'd insulted her by even having an opinion. "I just wanted to make sure you'd say the same thing."
"It doesn't really matter, anyway." I told her how the pickup lady had signed a paper saying she wouldn't press charges.
"You are so ignorant," she said. "She doesn't have to press charges; a prosecutor can charge you anyway. That's how they put wife-beaters in jail, you know." She stood up; her whole attitude said, Time for you to kindly fuck off. "I don't want to go to jail because of you. I kept having crying fits all Friday night. Sharon nearly called the cops; she thought I'd been raped."
So that was my Monday morning, which wasn't done sucking. I drove past the hill, just before lunch, and guess what? Lisa was wrong -- there was a Russellville black-and-white parked at the top.
At about twelve-fifteen, I was at the Subway, way out on Main, about to order a sandwich, and somebody grabs my arm and drags me back. It was Lisa.
I let her drag me away from anybody who could hear. "You still want to jump the hill?"
"In what?" I hadn't found anyone who'd let me drive their car.
"You can use my Mustang. It's a piece of crap, but it's fast."
I said, "There's still a cop parked up there."
"I've got a plan for that," she said, "but we have to leave now. It's nearly time."
"Somebody's gotta watch the other side of the hill. I'm scared of hitting somebody."
"My roommate's gonna park over there, once I get rid of the cop. Come on!"
She wouldn't say anything else until I got into her Mustang (another white car; I told you there are a million). Once we were in the car, driving toward I-40, she started calling in a bomb threat to Walmart -- three, really. She listed three cars, model and color and license plate, and said there was a bomb in each one of them big enough to take down half a city block.
She did it from a cell phone, right in her car, while we were driving on Dike Road. I told her she was crazy, that they can track phones with GPS, but she just laughed and wiped the phone on her jeans and threw it out the window, sailed it right over the bank into Lake Dardanelle. "I stole it," she said. "People don't password their phones, they deserve to get them stolen."
She told me, "I picked the cars yesterday. The first two, they work at Walmart, they'll be parked out back. The cops'll find them, and they'll keep looking for the third car. It's real, they can check the license and all, but the car's not there."
"Where's it at?"
"Girl works the lunch rush at Subway" -- which we'd just left, all the way across town from Walmart. "The cops'll find two cars, and they'll go nuts looking for the third one. They'll put every cop in town in that parking lot, and checking all the side streets."
It was actually a clever plan, but she started it a little late. The cop sat on the ghost girl's hill while we drove by, and drove by again. When he suddenly went tearing away toward Weir Road and Walmart, the sun was already just past the line of the street; we were too late for today.
I didn't blame her, though; if she'd called much earlier they might have given up and sent him back before we could make the jump. She'd made a really good guess about the timing, but just a little slow.
But the phone call, the bomb threats, had been a crazy thing to do. Lisa scares me. She seems to know everybody, but nobody knows much about her. She dated Bran for a while; I want to ask him what he knows about her, but I'm afraid he'll really call the cops. But I think she's crazy.
It scares me shitless she was willing to shake up the whole Russellville PD just to give me a shot at that hill.

Day 10, Tuesday the 17th

Lisa cheated me. That lying miserable bitch cheated me.
She drove us to the hill after lunch today, and there wasn't a cop. "Tol'ja so," she said. I just asked if her roommate was around to watch the street while I jumped. But while we were cruising around, windows down, waiting for the sun to line up, here came a Russellville black-and-white. He turned in, stopped right at the top of the hill, his back to the sun.
I thought Lisa was going to have a seizure. She drove past again, cussing like a gangsta, and I thought we'd leave. But she drove by one more time, and said, "The sun's right in line." Before I knew what she was doing, she turned onto the hill and hit the gas, straight for the parked cop.
I guess I know now how Chayce felt a week ago, when I nearly drove off a cliff. I screamed all the way up the hill, and at the top I just covered my face with my arms -- not to hide it from the cop, but so I couldn't see the crash. I felt her swerve just a little, and then we were flying.
It got completely quiet -- she must have let off the gas just as we left the ground. The motor was barely purring, there was no road noise at all, just wind sighing through the car.
Then we slammed into the ground, skidded side to side -- the wrecked pickup was still sitting in the same yard, and we barely missed it. But Lisa got the Mustang under control, and blew right through the stop sign at the bottom. The cop probably hadn't even started his car yet.
I was yelling my head off at her, about we were going to get arrested, she could have killed us, what if there'd been kids playing, was she nuts? She was laughing like a crazy person, and already turning onto the highway back to Tech, driving like nothing was wrong.
"What if he got your license?" I yelled.
"Didn't you see him? He was just sitting there with his mouth open, couldn't believe what he was seeing, couldn't believe I'd rip right past him like that."
"Why didn't you call your roommate? What if there'd been kids in the street?"
"It's a school day, dumbass! Anyways, I don't have a roommate."
"You lied to me!" I couldn't believe it. I'd seen her call in a bomb threat, drive straight at a cop, jump her car into the air -- and I still couldn't believe she'd lied about a roommate.
I yelled at her to drop me off at the next light; I'd walk the rest of the way to Tech. I didn't want anybody I knew to see me getting out of her car. I was so scared and pissed off I hadn't realized yet what she'd just done.
Then it hit me, just as we crossed the interstate. "You bitch!" I screamed. "That was supposed to be my jump! You stole my jump!" Then, "Did it work? Will she come?"
Something was pushing away the laughter in her. "It worked," she said, her face getting a little pale. "If you hadn't been so chickenshit, you'd'a seen."
"You saw her?" Shit, I'd missed it! "So she's going to talk to you, give you something?"
"Come stay with me tonight," Lisa said. "You can see her too. Maybe she'll give both of us something."
"No, she won't -- just the driver. I'm not coming. She maybe kills people, and if I'm taking a chance on getting killed, I want to be the one getting the prize."
Lisa was beginning to sound genuinely scared -- I don't think she'd really believed in the ghost girl until now. "Please, stay with me. I'll do anything. I mean -- I won't do anything."
I pointed to the Chinese place we were passing. "Pull in there." I made her pull around to the side, out of sight; I got out and slammed the door.
"Come tonight," she pleaded. I told her to go to hell. She begged me, even started to cry, but if I was going to meet a ghost, I wanted to be the one who called her. I got out and walked six blocks to my dorm.
Cheating bitch.

Later

The cops questioned the guy Lisa stole the phone from. Probably scared the crap out of him, but he was in class when Lisa made the call, so they believe him saying it was stolen. Besides, they must know the caller was female; they've probably guessed by now she was trying to distract the cop on the hill. So he's off the hook, aside from having to get a new phone.
But this afternoon more rain came. It's thundering and lightninging like crazy right now, and it's supposed to do it all day tomorrow. Still, Chayce doesn't have a car anyway, so we have to find somebody who'll lend us a faster car -- and spot for us, cause I'm still scared of killing somebody. Especially after smashing up that pickup.

Day 11, Wednesday the 18th

Fucking rain. All fucking day. And I've never seen so much lightning. It's like scary purple sheets across the sky, one after the other. It's freaking me out.
A lot of people are saying today that Lisa killed herself, though all anybody really knows is that her body was found this morning. She was lying by the lakeshore railing at one of the parking areas on Dike Road; she'd been lying in the rain all night. The cops aren't saying anything, but somebody on her floor -- Lisa didn't have a roommate, remember -- said she was crying all evening. She went out at a quarter till midnight and didn't come back; she didn't take her car, didn't even wear a jacket.
I think she was running away from the ghost girl. It wasn't real cold last night, but I've read you can die of hypothermia when it's in the sixties, and she was soaking wet all night. Maybe that's what happened, but I'm scared the ghost girl found her. The cops haven't said anything about how she died, except that they don't suspect violence. But what would it look like if a ghost killed her?
Nobody I've talked to has said anything about the ghost girl's hill; I don't think anybody but me knows Lisa jumped it yesterday. Maybe the cops do -- I mean, maybe they know it was her -- but like I said they aren't saying anything.
I've got to find somebody with a better car. And this rain has to stop. The forecast says sunny for Friday and Saturday, maybe tomorrow, but that only leaves me two chances, maybe three, and so many things have gone wrong already. I'm almost out of chances.
Did the ghost girl bring all this freaking lightning?
Update: The last two days.
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2019.05.24 02:24 aImostIate A productivity desktop for my dad

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
My dad wants a decent productivity PC for working on 3D CAD models, light video and photo editing, emails, web browsing, spreadsheets, and other office related programs. He will also be hooking it up to his CNC machine for woodcutting.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
Around $600, could be more or less
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
About a month, I’d like to get an idea of what parts would be good.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Just the tower, we can get the rest outside of the ~$600 budget I provided here.
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
Little Rock, Arkansas, USA. No Micro Center.
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Not reusing any parts.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Probably not.
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
I’d like to get my dad a 1TB SSD, I’m sure he’d really like the speed. He wants a dedicated GPU, not integrated graphics in a CPU. Some nice fans for optimal cooling would be good also
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
A small form factor case would be ideal if he needs to carry it around from his office to his CNC machine. The thing is, he hasn’t moved into his new house yet, and I have no idea how his setup would be, but I’m pretty sure his CNC machine would not be in his office.
No RGB, he would like something that looks clean and slick and not have a “gamer” aesthetic. No preference on a window. I think a black case would look the best.
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
No, I have a copy on my thumbdrive.
Extra info or particulars:
$600 may be a lot for an office use computer, but he told me he wants something that is going to last him a while. He wants the fastest and most powerful parts you can buy at this price so it will be reliable for whatever he throws at it. With that being said, airflow is going to be a major factor to keeping it cool and lasting a long time I believe. For the past 6 or 7 years he’s only had a laptop and a tablet at home. He is moving to a new state for his job and plans on moving into a nice home and having his own office and wants a desktop computer.
I hope this is enough information and thanks for helping me out!
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2018.12.29 04:41 egoshoppe Critic's Criticisms Part III: Length

No good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough.
-Roger Ebert
The length of TLJ was the most common criticism by far, with 50% of RT Top Critic's citing it as a problem. Thus, this is the longest entry of this series, and possibly the last, unless I do a smaller part on niche issues. Previous parts cover Humor and Canto Bight.
The movie is overstuffed with plot, and by the time the visually intoxicating and eye-popping last showdown happens, it feels like a set piece that should have been saved for the next film. At a whopping two hours and 32 minutes, “The Last Jedi” overstays its welcome just a tad.
Katie Walsh, Tribune News Service - Fresh
Writer-director Rian Johnson steps into the franchise fray and does a creditable, if uninspired, job. At about 2-1/2 hours, it’s a long sit.
Peter Rainer,Christian Science Monitor - Fresh
Rian Johnson delivers a film that’s a bit too long at 2½ hours
Calvin Wilson, St. Louis Post-Dispatch - Fresh
Does the movie, like its predecessor, rely on familiar tropes a bit more than it should? Yes, I think it does. Is it, at a solid two-and-a-half hours, considerably longer than it needed to be? Yes, that too.
Christopher Orr, The Atlantic - Fresh
It’s simply too long at two hours and 36 minutes – and sometimes too damn much. The screen is so crowded with character and incident that you might need a scorecard to keep up.
Peter Travers, Rolling Stone - Fresh
The problem is that the narrative threads connecting them are lazily knitted and sometimes tangled or broken. The overall plot is underwhelming and there’s far too much padding, especially during the first hour. There’s a sense that Johnson is giving busy-work to certain characters while others are catching up. The Last Jedi is a great 105-minute movie stretched too thin.
James Berardinelli, ReelViews - Fresh
The midsection sags and, other than the heroes’ desperate attempts to survive, there’s no central story line to pull the various satellites of action in its wake. Some of the characters, like Captain Phasma, get frustratingly little screen time.You feel the 2½-hour length at points.
Ty Burr, Boston Globe - Fresh
The movie, though - at 152 minutes, easily the lengthiest in the series - drags in the middle, particularly when Rose and Finn go off on a complicated mission to disable an enemy tracking device. The subplot not only goes nowhere, it takes forever to do so, and makes me wonder if this new trilogy is going to have the same problem as the prequels - material for two terrific films stretched out over three.
Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger - Fresh
The film’s paunchy middle section includes a trip to a casino that might better have ended up on the cutting-room floor. The unnecessary padding accounts for the 152-minute running time, a franchise record, which will test the patience (and bladders) of even the most devoted followers.
Peter Howell, Toronto Star - Fresh
Nor is its frankly excessive 152-minute running time. There is no excuse for a long, inessential stampede of runaway space horses that has zero value beyond the sheer "Ben-Hur" spectacle of the thing.
Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star Tribune - Fresh
Johnson's many additions become too much of a good thing and The Last Jedi grows crowded, busy and long. Johnson's dialogue is flat and sounds stilted in the mouths of his younger actors, while their comic delivery can be so offhand that it dismisses the jokes.
Kate Taylor, Globe and Mail - Rotten
The film simply drags too much in the middle. Somewhere in the film’s 152-minute running time is an amazing 90-minute movie.
Chris Nashawaty, Entertainment Weekly - Fresh
Johnson at times overreaches trying to balance these separate storylines and myriad of characters into one cohesive unit. Lupita Nyong’o has nothing to do in her glorified cameo appearance, while the Del Toro section fails to reach its potential. The result is a bloated running time of about 2 ½ hours — that includes about seven different points in which I was sure the movie was going to end only to see it continue to plow ahead. You always want your Star Wars films to move at light speed, not drag in the middle.
Mara Reinstein, Us Weekly - Fresh
At other points in the 152-minute film, time should have been compressed, and wasn’t. The storytelling bogs down in a middle section having to do with finding a code-cracker who can gain access to an enemy destroyer. (A dubious character played by Benicio Del Toro isn’t sufficiently amusing.) Kylo’s inner conflicts, while central to the plot, leave him looking awfully mopey for long periods of time as he struggles to resolve them.
Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal - Fresh
With a running time of two and a half hours, “The Last Jedi” drags a bit in the second act. Ridley and Hamill are great together, but the Reluctant Jedi act plays on for at least one scene too many.
Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times - Fresh
Johnson’s effort is ultimately a disappointment. If anything, it demonstrates just how effective supervising producer Kathleen Kennedy and the forces that oversee this now Disney-owned property are at molding their individual directors’ visions into supporting a unified corporate aesthetic — a process that chewed up and spat out helmers such as Colin Trevorrow, Gareth Edwards, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. But Johnson was either strong enough or weak enough to adapt to such pressures, and the result is the longest and least essential chapter in the series.
Peter Debruge, Variety - Fresh
Unfortunately, The Last Jedi has almost as much Attack of the Clones as it does The Empire Strikes Back in that it’s overlong, under-edited and has at least one particularly long-winded CGI flurry of a sequence that harkens back to the darkest days of the franchise. There’s no whining about sand getting everywhere and the acting is really strong across the board (Hamill is particularly great back in Jedi robes, ham and all) but The Last Jedi could definitely have used a second editorial pass.
Matt Oakes, Silver Screen Riot - Fresh
At 2 1/2 hours, Star Wars: The Last Jedi could have been tightened-up in the editing room, cutting out that bloated middle section and removing things like Maz Kanata’s cameo and the cute slave kids which feel like they dropped in from a totally different movie. When it works, it really works but when it doesn’t, it feels like bad fan-fiction with a million dollar budget.
Niall Browne, Movies in Focus - Fresh
I can only wonder what The Last Jedi might have been with Finn and Poe taking a backseat (like how the latter was absent for three-quarters of The Force Awakens) so thirty minutes could be cut and the “important” stuff made tighter. Because there is a great film within what’s ultimately a good one.
Jared Mobarak, BuffaloVibe - Fresh
Whereas the first half is a sort of a convoluted mess just for the sake to pad out the runtime especially with an inconsistent tone, "The Last Jedi" becomes a dark and exciting sequel that becomes the film you've been looking for by the 75-minute mark.
Rendy Jones, Rendy Reviews, Fresh
the film is probably 10-15 minutes too long. Yes, Snoke (Andy Serkis) was not given near enough explanation and Phasma (Gwendoline Christie) was wasted.
Robert Daniels, 812filmreviews - Fresh
It's a two-and-a-half hour movie. It needs to be good in its own right, not just setting up for the next episode.
Tony Baker, Tony Baker Comedy - Rotten
Johnson ends up biting off more than he can chew. He's juggling too many storylines, and takes too long to move the narrative forward. Fatigue sets in about three-quarters of the way in. He doesn't heed the lesson of the chapter “Jedi” often resembles, “The Empire Strikes Back.” That film, still the best “Star Wars.,” ended with a whopper of a cliffhanger. Johnson resists the urge to leave most of his strands unresolved, and as a result his film begins to feel unwieldy when it should be picking up momentum. At two and a half hours, it could have used a trim of at least 15 minutes.
Ruben Rosario, MiamiArtZine - Fresh
but there are problems with the first half of "The Last Jedi." After an exciting initial space battle, to say that the mid-section of the movie drags would be an understatement. First, both prominent new characters Rose and DJ seemed shoe-horned in, and Rose especially doesn't seem to have a real place in this film nor does she add anything to be hopeful about in the future. And while both Rey and Poe fans will probably be pleased with where their characters go, Finn sort of takes a step back, as he is sent off on a side adventure that seems like second-tier Star Wars. It's a diversion that takes up a good portion of the film and really serves no purpose to the overall story...worse yet, it seems to contain some heavy-handed political messages not commonly found, at least not this blatantly, in the Star Wars universe. These are more than just quibbles too: Most fans will not be used to the slow, lumbering pace or the general unevenness of this film...especially coming on the heels of the action-packed pacing that JJ Abrams brought in Episode VII.
Tom Santilli, AXS.com - Fresh
Star Wars: The Last Jedi is also, at two hours and thirty-two minutes, the longest of the nine movies thus far, and deep into the second hour it can feel a little draining. There’s some stuff that feels extraneous (the whole Canto Bight sequence, which seems to exist to set up a new Lando-like character played by Benicio del Toro), and the cycle of attack and retreat — mostly retreat — gets a bit monotonous.
Rob Gonsalves, eFilmCritic.com - Fresh
At times it burns a tad too slow: two-thirds through its jam-packed 152 minutes, I felt the need for a 7th-inning stretch.
Michael Sragow, Film Comment Magazine - Fresh
Aunque este clímax habría funcionado bien como final, “The Last Jedi” no termina (desafortunadamente) después de esto. Es seguido por otros 40 minutos, con baches, en los que los héroes se reúnen y tienen que pelear una batalla final. Sin embargo, la película pierde un poco de su trazabilidad aquí, cuando los personajes, las fuerzas y las explosiones siempre aparecen exactamente donde se necesitan para la trama.
Ruben Peralta Rigaud, Cocalecas - Fresh
The movie’s main failing is that it tries to stuff too much plot into its over-long 2 hour and 30 minute run time. The result is an ending that feels endless and anti-climactic while several elements that could have been gob-smacking feel rushed and underdeveloped. It particularly does a disservice to Kylo Ren, as we’re never quite sure what his motivation is.
Megan Basham, WORLD - Fresh
I both loved it and strongly disliked it at the same time. I feel like there's a really great movie in there, all the pieces are there, everything is brilliant, but then there's a lot of extra fat that needed to be trimmed off or rearranged or omitted completely.
Steph Cozza, Aggressive Comix - Fresh
At two-and-a-half hours, with about nine separate cliffhanger endings, it’s a bit long
Bill O'Driscoll, Pittsburgh City Paper - Fresh
If you can accept the excess, the weird humour, the entirely inessential subplot, and the fact that it could stand to end a scene earlier, then the series will continue to thrive in a galaxy far, far away.
Alex Doenau, Trespass - Fresh
The script is flabby; every scene has purpose, but certain aspects feel overlong and jarring. Just like Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, it also suffers several endings too many.
Owen Richards, The Arts Desk - Fresh
At two and a half hours, this is the longest Star Wars picture to date, and I wondered if they’d tried to pack too much in.
Molly Laich, Missoula Independent - Fresh
I’m saying some of this movie seems a little half baked, and also overstuffed. If there’s any kind of movie I want to be over two and a half hours long, it’s a Star Wars movie. But, at that length, it needs to be a really good Star Wars movie, not a so-so one. The Last Jedi is so-so.
Bob Grimm, Reno News and Review - Fresh
The Last Jedi has a few good ideas but these are utterly lost amidst an over-long and utterly unsatisfying overall plot. Replete with poor dialogue, irritating tonal shifts and superfluous scenes, The Last Jedi adds very little to the saga except an overwhelming sense of disappointment not felt since the release of The Phantom Menace.
Richard Dove, International Business Times - Rotten
It is more than 150 minutes long. It has too many plot twists and too much fighting and too many characters.
Mark R. Leeper, Mark Leeper's Reviews - Fresh
Many have complained or commented on the length of The Last Jedi. It did start to feel long towards the end, yet I don’t think it was due to the actual time stamp of the film. Instead, I believe it is because of the drawn out plots within the film itself. Many parts of the story are over showcased destroying the strength and believably in the plot.
Stephanie Archer, Film Inquiry - Fresh
This film did not need to be 152 minutes and should have been closer to the 120 minute standard established by the earlier films. I hope one day we’ll see a fan cut that is actually closer to two hours.
Chris Gore, Film Threat - Fresh
The Last Jedi is still overstuffed, slightly too long, reliant on some vaguely-defined powers, and mostly consists of an endless chase towards a shifting MacGuffin.
Vincent Mancini, FilmDrunk - Fresh
The Last Jedi is 50 fucking minutes too long, and the most excruciatingly boring movie that has ever been released in this franchise. And this is a franchise that once opened up a movie by talking about controversial tax legislation.
Tim Brayton, Alternate Ending - Rotten
The Last Jedi has some issues. Pacing is the biggest one. This is the longest Star Wars film so far, and it feels like it. Johnson does his best to hustle from one location to the next, but the narrative has a tendency from time to time to drag.
Chris Evangelista, Slashfilm - Fresh
While Luke leads the Force thread, the battle between good and evil, the rest feels a bit standard issue action film lurching through one, or two, too many cycles of near peril. This is in part down to writer-director Rian Johnson and also down to patchy leads.
Aine O'Connor, Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Fresh
Writedirector Rian Johnson’s movie is underwhelming. Where it falters is a story that borrows heavily from others in the franchise like The Empire Strikes Back. That I can live with, but I can’t live with unnecessary length. This is an overdone 2 1/2 hour movie that would have been a terrific 90-minute extravaganza.
The first hour drags. The predictable second hour is just as tedious in more spots than not before Johnson finally moves you to the even more predictable slam bang action of the last half-hour.
Gary Wolcott, Tri-City Herald - Fresh
At 152 minutes, The Last Jedi is the longest of the nine Star Wars films to date — it’s also the only one where the length is felt. While all the scenes involving younglings should have been deep-sixed, the rest of the fatty tissue can be forgiven, since it simply meant Johnson wanted to make sure fans were saturated and satisfied. Yet there aren’t many vignettes that couldn’t have benefited from a judicious trim here or there.
Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing(Charlotte) - Fresh
At 2 hours and 32 minutes, the longest ever in the series, there are lots of highlights and probably a few too many endings
Pete Hammond, Deadline Hollywood Daily - Fresh
Despite the Rey-Luke drama, the first half of The Last Jedi is its most lumbering and uneven, never really clicking as it rambles through its multiple plotlines in a manner that feels simultaneously rushed and overlong.
James Kendrick, Q Network Film Desk - Fresh
However, there are moments towards the end of the film that feel as though they are just a tad unnecessary, that the race to the finale is going on just a little too long.
Irene Falvey, Film Ireland Magazine - Fresh
So what's necessary to know about the 40th anniversary "Star Wars" is that, at two and a half hours, it's at least a half-hour too long (maybe 45 minutes) and it's overfull of the usual digital battle sequences which so many of us have come to consider a wee bit old hat in the decades since "Star Wars" introduced us to a new thing back in 1977.
Jeff Simon, Buffalo News - Fresh
Johnson has sorted all of this material into an elaborate roundelay that feels endless (the movie is way too long at two and a half hours). Surely sections of the film could have been trimmed—maybe the Laura Dern scenes, which cry out for compression, or the training sequences with Luke and Rey (in which he says things like "Reach out with your feelings").
Kurt Loder, Reason Online - Fresh
The film is long, however, and begins to feel more than a little labored by the time the various epic showdowns finally take place.
Piers Marchant, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - Rotten
A lot of “The Last Jedi” is engrossing and emotional—but there’s also the long runtime, uneven pacing, and slightly underdeveloped characters to deal with. “The Last Jedi” is often exceptional, but its desire to do too many things, tell too many stories, and continue expanding its own cast and narrative makes the film fundamentally imbalanced.
Roxana Hadadi, Chesapeake Family Magazine - Fresh
There is a great deal going on in The Last Jedi and the way it splits off the main characters into separate but intertwined stories makes for a long, over-plotted film that even starts to drag a little in the middle.
Allan Hunter, Daily Express (UK) - Fresh
A few of the goofier comic moments fail to land and true to the legacy of Lucas there’s a fair amount of eye-wincing dialogue. More importantly, the second act bows under the weight of too many narrative strands; Finn’s away mission comes off as a bit superfluous, as does Laura Dern’s Vice Admiral Holdo, and both Rose and the beloved Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo) are sadly underwritten. In a trade-off that brings scope and complexity, Johnson has sacrificed narrative efficiency.
Christopher Machell, CineVue - Fresh
If “The Last Jedi” has a main flaw it’s that it’s too long at just over two-and-a-half hours. When the film is cross-cutting between the escape of the Resistance and the showdown with Snoke, one might assume this was the climax of the film. In fact, there’s much more to come.
Daniel M. Kimmel, New England Movies Weekly - Fresh
At 152 minutes, "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" is too long, and could have been trimmed by at least 10-15 minutes.
David Kaplan, Kaplan vs. Kaplan - Fresh
Despite being overlong and drenched in déjà vu (replete with conversations about one’s parents, whether or not one will ‘turn’, whether one is the last hope or the new hope, etcetera etcetera) I appreciated a lot of The Last Jedi, in the same way I appreciate re-reading a decent book – respecting the structure and craft of it, and feeling no sense of surprise.
Luke Buckmaster, The Daily Review/Crikey - Rotten
At 152 minutes, “The Last Jedi” is probably 20 minutes too long yet never fails to entertain.
Maria Sciullo, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - Fresh
If some of these detours drag on a bit, hampering momentum and bulking up The Last Jedi’s not-entirely-necessary two-hour-and 32-minute runtime, well, at least the various locales are fun to look at.
Rebecca Pahle, Film Journal International - Fresh
a running time of 152 or so minutes that easily could have been tightened down quite a bit
Jim Judy, Screen It! - Fresh
While many complained – justifiably – that the previous entry, The Force Awakens, was nothing but a remake of 1977’s A New Hope, the same sort of narrative déjà vu is at play here, to a certain degree. Equally troublesome is Jedi’s bloated running time. Clocking in at 2 ½ hours, the movie seems longer than it actually is due to the fact we’re going over well-covered narrative territory.
Charles Koplinski, Illinois Times - Rotten
It’s too long by a good 30 minutes, feels like two films mashed together, has about five endings and it seems to be taking cues from the George R. R. Martin school of right-angled plot twists.
Patrick Kolan, Shotgun Cinema - Fresh
Overly long and consistently clunky, The Last Jedi ultimately proves a bit of a mixed bag. Too often the dialogue is exposition heavy and played for easy laughs.
Tom Glasson, Concrete Playground - Fresh
The Last Jedi is overlong, heavy-handed and fun if mostly uninspired.
James Verniere, Boston Herald - Fresh
At 151 minutes, the film is overlong and repetition sets in, not just for this film but for the series in general
Laura Clifford, Reeling Reviews - Fresh
The Last Jedi is the party that never wants to end. It keeps going and going – and going – until there is no corner of the house left to decorate. It pushes all the buttons. It is constantly in competition with itself (it comes with two huge ending sequences). It is also baggy in places, and that’s not something I’d expected.
Chris Wasser, The Herald (Ireland) - Fresh
At the same time, it does take a while for “Last Jedi” to get up to speed. Some of the humor feels a little distracting and the lengthy final product suggests a tighter execution might have felt more resonant.
Josh Terry, Deseret News (Salt Lake City) - Fresh
Or maybe it's just a case of "The Last Jedi" itself overstaying its welcome with a running time topping two and a half hours.
Greg Maki, Star-Democrat (Easton, MD) - Fresh
This is the longest Star Wars movie yet, clocking in at 150 minutes, and it has at least one ending too many, and a middle that sags a bit.
Rain Jokinen, MullingMovies.com - Fresh
We’ve seen this story before. Sure, “stuff” happens over the film’s 157-minutes but our main characters remain pretty much in the same place. You’d swear time stands still.
Dana Barbuto, The Patriot Ledger - Fresh
“The Last Jedi” is the longest of the “Star Wars” efforts (152 minutes) and feels it
Brian Orndorf, Blu-ray.com - Fresh
At 152 minutes, it’s also way too damn long. And Rian Johnson should not have been allowed to write and direct. The script is a problem — it has only two really great “moments” which isn’t enough for 152 minutes. But it also doesn’t feel quite right — the language, the iconography, the weirdly campy humor at the beginning — it doesn’t feel a part of the Star Wars universe.
Ray Greene, CineGods.com - Rotten
But the character moments and the explorations of moral ambiguity aren’t quite compelling enough to compensate for the slow pacing in the middle (one thing a Star Wars movie should never be is dull), and it takes too long to get to the most rousing action sequences.
Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly - Fresh
I don’t want to be too generous. I would cut 15 minutes out. There are editing choices that leave the film feeling choppy when it should feel smooth.
David Poland, Movie City News - Fresh
In truth, it takes a very long time to get from the film’s exhilarating start to that moving sign-off. Stars Wars: The Last Jedi lasts fully two-and-a-half hours, and there were moments towards the end when I felt like one of those poor Cubans listening to Fidel Castro at the height of his oratorical vigour: just as you’re planning your route to the exit, it lurches into yet another new lease of life.
Brian Viner, Daily Mail (UK) - Fresh
Editor Bob Ducsay moves the individual sequences along with dispatch; it isn’t his fault that at two-and-a-half hours the movie overstays its welcome. That’s the fault of Johnson’s decision to pile climax upon climax as if they were on sale at Screenplays-R-Us, apparently unwilling to jettison any of the ideas he’s had for propelling the story forward.
Frank Swietek, One Guy's Opinion - Fresh
Which leads into another problem I mentioned briefly earlier -- the pacing. Watching the first hour, I had the uncomfortable sense that maybe it needed trimming by about ten minutes or so, and that Rey's and Luke's story kept stalling and going in circles for a while. Then, the pacing in the last hour is so spot-on, it confirms all of those earlier feelings. Adding to the problem is the choice of starting point for the film. I realize kicking off with a more action-driven sequence has benefits, but it felt disorienting since we remember how the last film ended and probably want to pick up that thread first. It was an easy call, I feel, and the film's choice merely confirms my own sense that there was a better option.
Mark Hughes, Forbes - Fresh
The 2 hr and 30-minute runtime really hurt the film. I feel like there are just certain spots throughout the film where it just drags. It hard to pinpoint exactly when and where they occur on just one viewing but I was definitely bored at times.
Scott Menzel, We Live Entertainment - Fresh
“The Last Jedi” suffers from “The Lord of the Rings” syndrome — it seems like it might never end. It also poaches scenes, ideas and moments from “Harry Potter,” “The Hunger Games” and “Guardians of the Galaxy.”
David Frese, Kansas City Star - Fresh
At 152 minutes, “The Last Jedi” runs long, with a bit too much time spent on Ahch-To. And Hamill — who shares the weathered, lion-like look of modern-day Robert Plant — turns in a true love-it-or-hate-it portrayal of an aged Skywalker.
Ross Raihala, St. Paul Pioneer Press - Fresh
At over two-and-a-half hours, the film had me reconsidering if I really needed a Finn v. Phasma fight, or a five-act structure. So consider the urgency. A wordsmith in his own right, Johnson seems to be dumbing himself down here for the sake of the brand. He manages to pose some of the most complex ideas on morality and war this franchise has ever attempted, but is forced to breeze through and cap them off with trite buzzwords.
Conor O'Donnell, The Film Stage - Fresh
The film is overlong at two and a half hours, and you may well catch yourself thinking “this could probably have been cut.”
Jonathan Hatfull, SciFiNow - Fresh
Yes, it’s probably half an hour too long. There is a whole section that feels out of kilter and harks back to the CGI naffness of the prequels — and is also virtually pointless to the plot.
Jamie East, The Sun (UK) - Fresh
The middle section loses its shape and is subject to longueurs.
Ian Freer, Empire Magazine - Fresh
The Last Jedi is the longest Star wars movie, and it does feel like it. The third act is a beating drum of moments that each seem like they could be a satisfying climax.
Susana Polo, Polygon - Fresh
Where the film falters is in its pacing. Even jumping between three storylines, there’s a lack of momentum at times as no one is really going anywhere. The Resistance fleet is crawling away from the First Order; Rey is in a stalemate with Luke on Ahch-To; and obviously things aren’t a breeze on Canto Bight. And yet the dramatic tension of the first two storylines hold up intact. The fleet storyline plays like the excellent Battlestar Galactica episode “33” and everything is Ahch-To is great because Johnson is doing some fascinating things with the character dynamics between Rey, Luke, and Kylo Ren. But the Canto Bight stuff is a bit of a drag, and then you feel it in final act of the film where, despite some amazing moments, you can’t shake the feeling that The Last Jedi is probably a bit too long even if it’s difficult to know what to cut.
Matt Goldberg, Collider - Fresh
There's a lot going on - too much. The film could have used a hard edit to lose about 20 minutes or more. Resistance ships explode and the fleet's fuel running low, but it doesn't keep us on the edges of our seats. Poe, Rey and Finn- the new heroes we're supposed to fall in love with - are uncharismatic and bland.
Julie Washington, Cleveland Plain Dealer - Fresh
Star Wars: The Last Jedi is a long work of art that doesn't know when to quit
Scott Mendelson, Forbes - Fresh
If there's a problem, it's only that it's a little too long at two and a half hours (a first for the franchise), which might prove challenging for younger viewers. It turns out you can have too much of a good thing after all.
Matthew Turner, Hero Collector - Fresh
Tran is a rock-solid addition, but here, and elsewhere, one is reminded of the deftness of editing on both (yes, both) previous trilogies. Intercut sequences that moved swiftly in earlier films feel clumsy. Where once the passing of time was cannily implied yet compact on screen in, say, “Empire,” in “Last Jedi,” well ... you can fit a lot of movie into 152 minutes.
Joe Gross, Austin American-Statesman - Fresh
But The Last Jedi’s two-and-half-hour sprawl still includes an awful lot of clunky, derivative, and largely unnecessary incidents to wade through in order to get to its maverick last act. This is especially true when it comes to the plausibility-straining mission of stormtrooper turned Rebel Alliance fighter Finn and puckish series newcomer Rose Tico.
Sam C. Mac, Slant Magazine - Rotten
Some tighter editing would have relieved most of my mid-movie tension — as well as my bladder concerns as “The Last Jedi” stretches to an unnecessarily long 151 minutes. If not for that spectacular final act, it would be tempting to refer to it as “The Lasts and Lasts and Lasts Jedi.”
Christopher Lawrence, Las Vegas Review-Journal - Fresh
The Last Jedi is a whopping two-and-a-half hours, and it would have been much improved if an editor had taken a lightsaber to its less crucial sections.
To cut a long story short (and I wish Johnson had cut his own long story short): if you’re getting bored halfway through The Last Jedi, hang on in there. Just when you think it’s about to end, it really gets going.
Nicholas Barber, BBC.com - Fresh
For the first half of a punishingly long film, we repeatedly cut back to Star Wars Island where Rey is begging Luke to train her as a Jedi.
Donald Clarke Irish Times Rotten
There are times, however, when the wow factor and compelling character beats give way to the feeling that Johnson lost the run of himself with the film's duration, and that the longest adventure in Star Wars history really didn't need that distinction.
Harry Guerin, RTÉ (Ireland) - Fresh
Several characters remain underdeveloped, and appear as well dressed plot devices which contribute to an unevenness hard to justify in the 151 minutes running time.
Jon Lyus, HeyUGuys - Fresh
Even Johnson’s sense of fun and mischief can’t sustain the film for two-and-a-half hours; the warring gets boring. One scene is replayed three times with different interpretations but it’s hardly Rashomon and a movie this long can’t afford to dawdle. No one could mistake The Last Jedi for an outstanding contribution to cinema, or even to escapism, but it has its attractions.
Ryan Gilbey, New Statesman - Fresh
Indeed it does, Ryan. And that concludes part III. TL;DR:TLJ is TL.
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2018.11.12 03:37 DrunkenTree Help; I'm Running Out of Third-Grade Jokes.

There's a homicidal little boy in my head. I can hear him laughing. He likes jokes — third-grade jokes.
I can deal with the laughter. It's when he stops laughing that it gets scary. When he stops, I want to kill somebody. Anybody handy.
Why don't blind people skydive? It scares the crap out of the dogs.
Okay, he's laughing again. For now.
I'll be okay if I can get home. But even this late on Sunday I've still got at least three hours of driving, and it'll take me through the biggest urban area in Arkansas. I've got a 12-gauge shotgun and a .30-30, and enough shells for each to depopulate every Waffle House between here and home. Not to mention I'm driving a two-ton truck with a 345-cubic-inch V8.
I know the internet has eleven billion dumb riddles and poop jokes. But for some reason the browser on my phone has crapped out; I'm lucky the Reddit app still works. If I make it home, I can get on my laptop, go to Google — and then start figuring out how to clear my brain of this murderous little fart.
Dammit. Every time is shorter.
Why don't fish like tanks? Those big guns are too loud.
We were on a hunting trip, four of us, perfectly normal, same as every year. We drove up to the deer woods Friday evening to set up camp. Gun season started yesterday — Saturday. Johnny, who first invited me, has permission to camp on private property, at the edge of a Wildlife Management Area of the Ozark National Forest. Johnny's used that camp for twelve years. I've been there seven times.
Friday night we built a fire, had a couple of beers, and crashed. We'd all stopped at a Waffle House twenty miles before the camp, so we didn't cook that night.
Saturday morning Jack cooked bacon and eggs. We gathered our guns, packed sandwiches and Gatorade or coffee — in Johnny's camp, anybody who cracks a beer before sundown never gets invited back — and went our separate ways into the woods. We usually wouldn't see each other until suppertime, unless somebody actually got a deer. Two shots fast, then two more, meant, "Come help me!"
I'm writing this at a rest stop. An old woman who reminds me of my Grammaw Lo just came out of the rest rooms. I miss Grammaw Lo's jellies. I miss Grammaw Lo. The little boy is telling me to smash this old lady against the picnic tables.
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
Damn, I can't believe that one still makes him laugh. I must've used it fifteen times now. It's really his favorite.
I'm a walker. I can't sit perched in a stand all day. I move quietly — more quietly than the squirrels plowing through leaves collecting hickory nuts — so I walk a little while, then hunker down to watch a trail or a creek, then walk a little more.
I don't know just what hit me yesterday. Maybe it happened in the little abandoned cemetery out there, but I've walked through it other years and nothing happened.
But late yesterday afternoon I walked by the old stones, then up a hill and down to a creek. I was about to hunker behind some briars and watch the trails when something knocked me out. It felt like a few years ago when I got clocked in the back of the skull by a softball.
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree? Paint his toenails red.
Uh-oh. He barely giggled. I guess I already used that one. It's hard to think straight.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
Good — that one got him going.
I woke up with the sun already going down. My head hurt like hell, but I didn't have a knot or anything. Shit, I had a stroke. But all my fingers and toes worked. I could talk normally. I could even sing, though that set a squirrel to cussing me.
I made sure I hadn't jammed my shotgun barrel into the ground or fouled the action. I wasn't chilled; the weather's been in the high forties, and I know how to dress for the woods.
So I walked back to camp, the last one to supper. "'Bout time," Johnny said. "We were starting to wonder."
"Don't pay the ransom, Mabel!" I cried. "I escaped!"
What do you know? That set him off just now — the little boy in my head, I mean. He didn't laugh last night; maybe he didn't get it the first time.
Johnny didn't laugh, either; he's heard me use that line too often. He just handed me a plate and a spoon. Why is it, every deer camp I've ever been to, somebody always brings Ranch Style Beans?
The camp has two big logs near the fire pit, but I didn't feel like sitting down, so I scooped up some beans and leaned against the big hickory. Jeff had collected a pile of hickory nuts and was tossing them one by one into the fire, listening to them pop. Safer than that idiot one year who liked to toss in .22 shells.
I watched him toss one in, and it suddenly hit me — I wanted to kill him. I wanted to take my 12-gauge and blow his head off. I didn't hate him, understand. I was just furious at him throwing nuts in the coals.
Forty Yards to the Outhouse, by Willie Makit! Illustrated by Betty Dont!
Then Jeff let loose with a huge, flapping, Blazing-Saddles-sized fart. As predictably as if somebody pulled a string in his back, he chanted,
Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot! The more you toot, the better you feel! So let's have beans for every meal!
Nobody laughed; we've all heard that too often.
But right inside my head, I heard a shrill giggling start up — not loud, but inescapable. It sounded like a monophonic recording on headphones. I never looked around, never for a moment thought a little boy was nearby — it was squarely between my ears, and no mistake.
And the urge to shoot Jeff was gone. He was just Jeff, slightly dumb and annoying, but good-natured and easygoing, always ready to do more than his share around camp.
Doctor tells his patient, It's fatal. Patient asks, How long have I got? Doctor says, Ten. Ten what? Months? Weeks? Doctor says, Nine.
Sounds like that won't hold him. Too difficult, maybe.
God knows what my face looked like after the giggling started, but I was back from the firelight and only Jack seemed to notice. "You okay, buddy?"
"Yeah, fine." I was the hell and gone away from fine, but I didn't dare say so. That little-boy giggling went on and on. I thought maybe it was a hallucination from whacking my skull earlier, though my head no longer hurt at all. I got sort of used to it, the way you quit hearing your car engine until something goes wrong, but it was a while before I had anything to contribute to the conversation.
My uncle's nuts; he thinks he's a duck. We'd take him to a shrink, but we need the eggs.
Hey, that one really tickled him. I thought I'd used it already. Well, it's checked off my list now.
After twenty minutes or so, the giggling at the "Beans" song started slowing down. Even when I was a kid, I never laughed that long at a joke. The giggling stopped. And the senseless rage came back.
Now it was Johnny I thought the world could do without. Ranch Style Beans, will you? I'd unloaded and cased my shotgun as soon as I entered camp, but I still had a knife on my hip. Slide it right in under the breastbone —
Frantically, I thought about Jeff's "Beans" song again. There was a hiccup of little-boy giggling, then nothing. He'd heard it already. (He didn't laugh when I wrote it here, either. RIP "Beans".)
What else might make him laugh? I thought of favorite lines from Ghostbusters and Caddyshack. I could almost hear a Huh? when I thought Varmint Cong. He didn't get the jokes. He didn't remember they were funny.
That's when I started thinking of the voice as him, as somebody inside my head, separate from me — a little boy in my brain. If I was just going nuts, I'd know how to make me laugh, wouldn't I?
The duck joke still hasn't worn off. Wow.
And he had a little kid's sense of humor. So I started trying to remember things that made me laugh in gradeschool. I sang the "Comet" song to myself; that got real laughs from him, not just giggles.
"Comet" kept him laughing for fifteen or twenty minutes. "Mary Had a Steamboat" was good for four or five. "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts" got me a good half-hour. Repeating, And you forgot your spoo-oo-oon! earned a ten-minute extension.
Never write with a broken pencil. It's pointless.
He's snickering a little, but I'm not sure he really gets the pun.
After "Gopher Guts", schoolyard songs lost their effect. I tried the Tom Swifties that filled the joke page of Boys' Life when I was a Scout. "I'm losing my hair!" Tom bawled. But he didn't seem to like those. So I started trying to remember all the dumb riddles I'd known in the third grade — and the ones I'd learned since to embarrass my kids.
Pay dirt. What's brown and sticky? cracked him up until we all went to bed, and a couple of (utterly tasteless) dead baby jokes kept him hee-heeing until we both dozed off.
What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth? The stage is level.
Crap. Too grown-up for him. Probably all my musician jokes are. I'm not sure how many more kid jokes I can remember.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs fighting a cat? Claude.
Yeah, we both dozed off. He slept at night, just like any little kid. About three in the morning my bladder woke me and I had to step out pee, but he slept right through. I could even hear him faintly snoring — the only non-hilarious noise he's made.
This morning we hunters woke up about six-thirty, well before sunrise. The kid woke up during breakfast. Quite suddenly — I'd rehearsed a few riddles I'd managed to remember, but the urge to throw a skillet of hot grease in Jack's face blindsided me. Desperate, I tried the "brown and sticky" joke again, and was relieved to hear him laugh at it. It's become my last resort, but even it's wearing out, I can tell.
I should have left then, just claimed I'd gotten sick and headed home. But I didn't want to accept I had a real problem. You can believe something, but still not deal with it.
There's a Hispanic family going to the rest rooms now. A little girl, maybe two, two and a half, cute as a button. He thinks I should throw her out my truck window at high speed.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool? Bob.
Damn, I haven't thought of those "man with no arms" jokes since college. It's embarrassing I remember them at all. They work, though.
Once I set out alone from camp this morning, I had no more murderous urges. I walked back through the little lost graveyard. I guess I hoped, if I'd picked up a little ghost boy there, I could brush him off again — like flicking a tick off my jeans. But I didn't feel anything odd; I just felt tired.
I spent a fairly normal day listening to the birds and watching the squirrels, and not wanting to kill any of them. That seemed like a good sign. But you already know it wasn't.
Around three I heard a distant shot. Around three-thirty I heard two pairs of shots, way off to the south — somebody had a deer. Then there were two answering pairs; I decided two guys could handle it and stayed put.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in a leaf pile? Russell.
When I finally headed back to camp, I was shocked at how often and how easily I lost my way. My body felt like it could walk for miles, but mentally I felt nearly exhausted, like I'd spent the whole day taking history tests.
In spite of my wrong turns I was the first back this time, so I built up the fire a bit, making fresh coals for cooking supper. I didn't know returning to the graveyard hadn't worked.
Crap, I can't remember any more "man with no arms" jokes. My brain's so damn tired.
How do you catch a unique animal? U nique up on it.
It wasn't until Jack and Johnny tromped in at sunset, a doe carcass slung between them, that I realized the little boy was still around. He thought I should grab the kebab stickers lying by the cook fire and stab both my buddies through the eyes.
What's brown and sticky? I thought frantically. The little boy shrieked laughs at the answer. But he trailed off again. When Jeff came back and I almost immediately wanted to bury my little kindling hatchet in his head, I realized it was time to go.
Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash? To the dump, To the dump, To the dump-dump-dump!
Wow — he got that one. Kids still know the Lone Ranger theme? Of course, for all I know this kid is a ghost from 1950.
I gathered my gear and threw it in my antique Scout, glad I hadn't ridden with Jack this year. I left my hatchet and a few other tools, Jeff promising to bring them to me later.
Just as I cranked the Scout, with the little boy's laughter trailing off again, Johnny decided to tease, "Yeah, bring a fresh-gutted deer into camp and he gets sick and runs off." I could barely think of a dead-baby joke fast enough to keep from running him down.
What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsshh.
That makes me think: You're probably wondering, Why the hell is he typing out all the jokes? Believe it or not, they seem to work better that way. Maybe he can read, but only slowly, or maybe when I'm typing he can't see the punch line in my head until I actually put it in; either way, typed jokes seem to build suspense and hit him harder.
Typing was a kind of inspiration on my part — when he started getting tired of my jokes, I tried texting them to my wife (who surely thinks I'm nuts; she knows I know she hates these jokes). He became a whole fresh audience, laughing harder than ever.
What do you call a deer with no eye? No eye-deer.
I've noticed one weird thing. If he laughs at all when I re-use a joke, it's never until I actually get to the punch line.
Visiting the cemetery hadn't helped, but maybe it was something in the woods, or something about my three buddies — something I could leave behind, anyway. I made it out of the deer woods without a problem, and passed cars on the little back highway with no urge to kill, so it began to look like I was right.
What's brown and runny? Jesse Owens!
Okay, that one went right by him. He doesn't know Jesse Owens from Jesse James.
Damn it, I didn't think this rest stop would be so busy on Sunday evening. Tomorrow's a school day, damn you! Why aren't you bastards at home already?
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dunnggg!
I'd left camp without supper, so I stopped at the same Waffle House we'd hit Friday night. I'd no more than walked in the door when the urge to go back and load my .30-30 struck me — every one of the dozen or so people in there needed a hole in the head.
I asked myself a riddle I hadn't used yet, and got the boy laughing long enough I could take a seat. A waitress was at my shoulder almost immediately, pot in hand. "Cuppa coffee?"
"Sure," I answered. "And, say — I'm having a rough night. What's the absolute dumbest joke you know?"
She thought as she flipped my cup and poured. "Hunter comes tearing up to the emergency room, yelling, 'I accidentally shot my buddy!' They pull the buddy outta the truck and take him inside. Doctor comes out a little later, tells the hunter, 'You know, we prob'ly could've saved him if you hadn'ta gutted him first.'"
It was a little sophisticated for a kid, and long for his tastes, but her economical, deadpan style made it work. (It doesn't work now, though, dammit.)
What do you play with a vampire bat? Vampire baseball!
I ordered a waffle and two scrambled, then grabbed a free Weekly Shopper from the rack by the door and started writing down phrases and punch lines, building a crib sheet for when my mind blanked on me.
Then I noticed their little "Free Wifi" sign — I have an unlimited data plan, but I hadn't thought of the internet until then. That's when I found out my phone's browser was hosed.
But my son put this third-party Reddit app on my phone. Reddit must have a couple of million jokes on it, right? But I couldn't find a search button, and tapping HELP on the menu tried to open a wiki — in my broken browser. All I could find were the subreddits I'm subscribed to, like nosleep.
Why can't magicians drive cars? They always turn into driveways.
That was also when I tried texting jokes to my wife. Then I asked her to text me any she could think of; she texted back, "im too bsy for jokes, go get drunk w yr budds" and stopped replying.
With the night, the little boy in my head started getting sleepy, but he wouldn't go down — instead, he was getting cranky. I could still make him laugh, but not for as long — and he was stopping more suddenly. At one point, suddenly crazed with rage, I snatched up the glass sugar jar, barely keeping from smashing the skull of the high-school girl in the next booth. Her boyfriend saw me, but "brown and sticky" calmed me down so quickly he must have decided his eyes tricked him.
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue!
The waitress came back with one more joke later. "Aggie deer hunter finds some tracks, decides to follow them. Then the train hits him." That one took the little boy a minute, but kept him going through the last of my waffle. (Again, though, it doesn't work any more.)
I got through that meal, hit the restroom, used an elephant joke to keep from pitching the high-school boyfriend sizzling onto the grill, and hit the highway. Then I learned something new. Driving on dark back roads, I'd been able to pass cars without a problem, but here in town, streetlights shining through windows, I could see the people I passed — and I wanted them all dead.
How do you fix a broken duck? With duck tape!
Maybe I should've left my guns in the deer woods. But I was driving a two-ton vehicle with lots of horsepower; it could plow halfway through that Waffle House. I started thinking maybe I should turn myself over to the cops.
But I kept driving. At least under the streetlights I could read my Weekly Shopper crib sheet. But even some of the brand-new jokes were good for only two or three minutes each.
How do you fix a broken cabbage? With a cabbage patch!
Now I'm stuck in this rest stop just shy of the Little Rock-North Little Rock metro area. I've typed so much my thumbs are sore. I'm scared to go any farther. It's a good thirty-minute drive across the metroplex, every inch of it brightly lit.
I've tried guessing subreddit names. I found one that had two subscribers and no posts. Another that had just a handful. jokes is loaded, but most of them are too grown-up for this kid; by the time I find a new one he understands, the last one's already worn off. I can't drive and read Reddit at the same time.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
And I'm down to jokes I've already used, some twice or three times. I'm sure I know others. But this kid in my head's got me so strung out I can't think any more.
There's a guy in a gasoline tanker on the big-rig side of the rest area, and I'm not just picturing his head in a blind date with some double-ought buckshot — I'm imagining driving his tanker hell-for-leather into the biggest hotel I can find. My CDL's fifteen years lapsed, but I bet I could still jockey a semi.
I'm starting to understand why my wife hates these jokes.
What's brown and sticky?
Please, please, please.
A stick!
Dammit. He hardly even snickered.
EDIT: Tuesday. Well, I wasn't expecting this, but I have an update.
submitted by DrunkenTree to nosleep [link] [comments]


2018.08.27 04:22 iminterestingplease Part 37.

It's slowing down a little. Sorry about the quick posts.
6290.(History change.)Do you remember the 1992 Hurricane Iniki in Hawaii being a Category 5 instead of 4?(Has there been lots of harsh weather, and has it appeared in places it normally doesn't hit?)
https://www-m.cnn.com/2018/08/23/us/hawaii-hurricane-iniki-1992-wxc/index.html
6291.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Betty Brant(Betty Brandt?)being portrayed by Parker Posey in the original Spider-Man trilogy instead of Elizabeth Banks?(Did Elizabeth Banks come out of nowhere for you?)(Did Parker Posey not exist?)(Has the spelling of dachshund changed again?)(Allien/Alien)(Forcus/Focus)(Privillege/Privilege)(Octoberfest/Oktoberfest)(Hippo nostrils keep changing size.)(Veggietable/Vegetable, and is the pronunciation off?)(Liver Worst/Liverwurst)(Are words with Thermo, Andro, and Hydro pronounced different?)(There are two new holes in the rib cage.)(Is February pronounced different?)(Black chickens now don't lay black eggs.)(Statue Of Liberty is now part of the color phenomenon.)(Lucky Music Live/LuckyMusiqLive)(Lots of things that no longer exist.)(Rhonda Rousey/Ronda Rousey)(Was Ronda not an acceptable spelling of Rhonda?)(Toxic Kool-Aid/ToxiQ KoolAid)(Was it Cumerbun, Cuberbun, Cuberbund, Cumerbund, Cummerbun, or Cumberbun?)(Did stick-like mantises not exist?)(Easter chickens now exist.)(Didn't Shameless end a while ago?)(Lee Harvey Oswald is now wearing a different outfit when he got shot.)(Kung Fu Hustle is hard to find in an English dub.)(Lots of new photos of the old wild west now.)(Have you heard of Elizabeth Olsen?)(Are the ancient Indian stepwells off in any way?)(Has Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver changed again?)(Has the BWD logo changed?)(Does the Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends logo look off?)(Triple, and quadruple rainbows.)(Rainbow colored owls.)(Ant people hieroglyphics have been found.)(Was it spelled heiroglypics?)(Is the Sex And The City logo off?)(Has the Ride Wit Me(Ride With Me, or Must Be The Money?)music video by Nelly changed in any way?)(Do any of his logos look off?)(People think Barack Obama was president in 2005-2007.)(Alga/Alge/Algea/Algae)(Is the pronunciation off?)(Anything else off?)(Z vs. S at the end of certain product names.)(Let's Do It For America/Let's Do It For Our Country)(Any of the lyrics off?)(Is the Grease 2 logo off?)(Was it Seimen, or Seimens?)(Lots of new great walls, and other things.)(Did Craig Mack die way before March 12, 2018?)(Stephen Carl Stephenson/Stefán Karl Stefánsson)(Lots of T.V. channel, and app, and website logos have changed.)(Lots of Music Choice channel names have changed.)(The Queen Of England damed Elizabeth Taylor.)(Deja Vu/Déjà Vu)(Winnebago sharks now exist.)(Pink sycamore now exists.)(Do any of the Doctor Dolittle logos look off?)(Was the first of any word in a title always capitalized?)(Jhene Aiko/Jhené Aiko)(Has Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen changed even more?)(All the robot landings on Mars that happened before Curiosity.)(Is Michelangelo's David off?)(Jim Cary/Jim Carry/Jim Carrey)(Does the Hotpoint logo look off?)(Does the Lindsay olives logo look off?)(Yoda bats now exist.)(Did FAO Schwarz not close three years ago, and were they not planning on reopening?)(The Mississippi River sometimes runs backwards.)(Sperm can now last up to 9 days inside females instead of 3, or other numbers.)(Has the Pinterest logo changed again?)(Was Terrance not an acceptable spelling of Terrence?)(The famous "I'm walking here!" quote is now said by Dustin Hoffman instead of Al Pacino.)(Thelma Hopkins/Telma Hopkins)(Wobbegong now exists.)(Carrhartt/Carhartt)(Other spellings?)(Cotton ball moth now exists.)(Patagonian Mara now exists.)(Weird looking trees.)(Super dangerous island.)(Collar And Bow has changed.)(Didn't Willie Nelson die?)(Marty Robins/Marty Robbins)(Lots of more stuff in Back To The Future has changed.)(The Baco's name spelling, logo, and package design are completely off.)(Bugs sometimes fight each other with their front limbs.)(Eddie Murphy is now the singer of Party All The Time.)(Did person names never have apostrophes in them?)(Really gross rare form of yoga, and other weird types.)(Did WhatsApp use to have a like, or heart feature?)(The Bon-Ton logo, and name are off, and the company keeps going out of business, and some of its subsidiary logos are off.)(Mercedes Benz/Mercedes-Benz)(Alexis Nicole Sanchez/Alexys Nycole Sanchez)(Babies in Sweden can sleep in freezing temperatures.)(The S in Ulysses S. Grant can either stand for Simpson, or nothing.)(Abcyeah/ABCya!)(Area codes are now changing.)(Is anything about Men In Black 3 off?)(Has The Truman Show in any way?)(Secret chambers, and backup areas all through our bodies that benefit us now.)("Shave, and a haircut, six bits."/"Shave, and a haircut, two bits.")(Was Richie not an acceptable spelling of Ritchie?)(Ritchie Rich/Richie Rich)(Judy Garland had a stunt double in The Wizard Of Oz.)(There are sharks that can live for 400 years.)(m(StarStar)(There's a fake moon going around the earth.)(Harlan David Sanders/Harland David Sanders)(Was he not a real person?)(Did Henry Kissinger die a while back?)(Russians landed on the moon about 10 years before we did.)(Did Bob Newhart a while back?)(Are any celebrities' names pronounced different?)(Did Bill Anderson die a while back?)(There is a movie from 1987 about Nelson Mandela titled Mandela starring Danny Glover)(There was an attempted assassination of Franklin D. Roosevelt.)(Rosevelt?)(Transparent fish caught in New Zealand.)(Dorothy's shoes are now sometimes black, and her now changes a lot in The Wizard Of Oz.)(Old video of underwater cable laying.)(Babuska(Babushka?)dolls are now mostly known as Nesting dolls.)(The van in Back To The Future is remembered as many colors?)(Did She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds Of Summer change again?)(Do you remember "I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.", "I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.", or "I got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore Toto."?)(Was it something else?)(Rekall VectoRECALL VECTOR)(Do you remember David Bowie dying in 2017, or 2018?)(Weird green spider with tons of babies on its back.)(Mysterious coin from the future.)(Weird bear dog found.)("The numerator goes into the denominator."/"The divider goes into the dividend.")(Metro Golden MeyeMetro-Goldwyn-Mayer)(Mistake in Pirates Of the Caribbean where you can see the Adidas tag in Jack Sparrow's hat.)(Anticrepuscular sky shows "second sun".)(Rusha/Russha/Russhia/Russia)(Was there never a glitch in The Cleveland Show theme song?)(Two-headed snakes are becoming mire common.)(Gasoline seems to be less flammable.)(T-Rex hands look off.)(Wasp with extremely large stinger discovered.)(Mystery boat washes up on Ireland.)(World's oldest botanical gardens.)(Frog fish now exists.)(The Mad Hatter's hat has changed color in the cartoon movie.)(99 million year-old beetle found preserved.)("If you got a problem yo I'll solve it."/"If there's a problem yo I'll solve it."/"If there was a problem yo I'll solve it.")(Do any of his logos look off?)(Patagonian Cavy now exists.)(Cassowary now exists.)(The ice cream in the Cold Stone Creamery logo is off.)(Missy Elliot/Missy Elliott)(Do any of her logos look off?)(Squirrels now sometimes walk on two legs.)(Have Marge, or Lisa Simpson's necklaces changed color?)(The ending song to Black Panther changed.)(Nimbus Monkeyshine Ale/Nimbus Old Monkeyshine Ale)(Anything else off?)("Why don't people understand my creation?"/"Why don't people understand my intentions?")(Anything else off?)(Jailed Abroad/Locked Up Abroad/Banged Up Abroad)(Wasn't Warren Buffett married to an Asian woman?)(Is the "Right tool" scene in No Country For Old Men off in any way?)(The Long Green Mile/The Green Mile)(Sea monkey ad no longer has trident.)(Was the girl smiling on the "We can do it!" poster, and is her muscle off?)(Anything else off?)(Cafe Rio logo has changed.)(Were the ruby slippers from The Wizard Of Oz retrieved years ago instead of recently?)(Wasn't John McCain actually known as Songbird John following his imprisonment?)(Was it something else?)(Anything else off?)(Have you heard of woolly donkeys?)(Didn't John McCain die years ago?)(CNC/C&C)(Wasn't the Apple logo a full apple before, or was the bite different?)(Joe CrockeJoe Cocker)(Aldi's/Aldis/Aldi)(McGriddle/McGriddles)(Were McDonald's Chicken McNuggets never specific shapes?)(Bill Murry/Bill Murray)(New weird Subway logo.)(Have you heard of the ancient stepwells in India?)(Lots of off colored eggs now.)(Portuguese Man O'War(Man Of War, or Man-Of-War?)now exists.)(Monstrous alligators, and crocodiles spotted.)(Jeff Goldbloom/Jeff Goldblum)(Other spellings?)(Anything else off?)(Does Ozzy Osbourne's name keep changing?)(Sea pig now exists.)(Burt Reynolds died again on September 6, 2018.)(Hall & Oats/Hall & Oates)(Walter Mathou/Walter Matthau)(Other spellings?)(Jack Lennon/Jack Lemmon)(Other spellings?)(Was it spelled Congradulations?)(The Jackson family had 11 kids?)(Anything else off?)(Africa by Toto lyrics keep changing.)(Lines in The Wizard Of Oz keep changing.)(Paul Simon's Graceland album release date changed.)(Human civilization goes back more.)(Giant octopus species discovered.)(The new Jackson family members have music careers.)(7 sisters star constellation has 9 stars.)(Stingrays keep changing.)(Shield mantises now exist.)(Trivia vs. Trivial.)(Halley's Comet spelling keeps changing.)(Blue scorpions now exist.)(Big cats are much friendlier.)(Gorillas, and other primates seem smarter, and friendlier.)(Halley, Hailee, and other weird spellings instead of Hailey, or Haley.)(Hailey Steinfeld/Hailee Steinfeld)(Anyone with the name Willie, or Hailee is off.)(Chicks now jump off cliffs onto rocks below sometimes.)(Red The Bum/Brett The Bum/Fred The Bum)(The DVD logo doesn't bounce around a specific screen when you pause a DVD.)(Praying mantises now attack hummingbirds.)("We're off to see the wizard!"/"You're off to see the wizard.")(Was it always the same?)(Royals have their own pyramid on Balmoral estate.)(Here We Go Loopty Loo/Here We Go Looby Loo)(Anything else off?)(Have any of the lyrics in Lucy In The Sky By Diamonds by The Beatles changed?)(New glowing rocks.)(Off colored slugs.)(Novograd/Novogorod)(Lots of song changes.)(Parker Brothers is now the original creator of Monopoly, and other stuff is off.)(Scenes in Miss Congeniality changed.)(Comedienne is now a word.)(Einstein-Rosenberg/Einstein-Rosen)(H.E. Shepard/E.H. Shepard)(Other spellings?)(Many changes to the band Rush.)(Wild strawberries, and other things.)(Sam Kinison died for a different reason now.)(Henry James Fonda/Henry Jaynes Fonda)(The Chevy logo changed again.)(Foxes now have black fur, and not white fur.)(Toyger now exists.)(More aircraft changes.)(Lots of more R, and A, and messed up T, and more squished letters, and upside down, and reverse letters.)(Geneology/Genealogy)(Barry Hearn is now alive.)(Steven King/Stephen King)(Is the Hot 'n Now(Hot And Now?)logo off?)(Other spellings?)(Is the Reno Tahoe logo off?)(Oarfish now exists.)(Tear Drop memorial now exists.)(Mark Sheldon/Mark Shelton)(Veiled marble statues now exist.)(Bryce Courtney/Bryce Courtenay)(Courtenay is now an acceptable spelling of Courtney.)(Dogs can purr.)(Souless/Soulless)(FilmakeFilmmaker)(House cats can growl.)(Jerry Stiller is now alive.)(Ric Flair is now alive.)(Stan Lee is now alive.)(Julie Andrews is now alive.)(Crow's beaks have changed color, and other things.)(Limp Biscuit/Limp Biskit)(Lots of song lyric changes.)(More 9/11 changes.)(Do any of their logos look off?)(There are now 15 Egyptian deities(Diety?)when there were less before, and Amun-Ra(Was it spelled different?)is now multiple gods together.)(Santa Catalina salad dressing/Catalina salad dressing(Other spellings?)(Wiley Coyote/Wile Coyote/Wiley E. Coyote/Wile E. Coyote)(Other spellings?)(Ing to In' everywhere.)(Keith Oberman/Keith Olbermann)(Transexual/Transsexual)(Other spellings?)(The Flintstone Kids is now a thing.)(Mozart wrote a piece called Lick Me In The Ass, and has wrote many gross things.)(Apollo Guidance Computer now exists.)(Discobulus statue changed, and lots haven't heard of it.)(The Silence Of The Lambs, Star Wars, Star Trek, Dirty Harry, Sunset Boulevard, and The Godfather lines keep changing.)(Do you remember Narwal, or Narwall?)("Greed is good."/"The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works.")(“I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory!”/"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know, that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smells like victory.")("Stay away from her, you bitch.”/“Get away from her, you bitch.”)(Ensure is now made of milk concentrate, and not milk, and the logo changed.)(Nordic flags don't have centered crosses.)(Lots of new muscles.)(Frogfish now exist.)(Aircraft powered by steam.)(Was it Mrs. Butterworth, or Ms. something?)(The original Porky Pig looks wrong.)(The Secret Life Of Walter Smitty/The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty)(Prince Phillip/Prince Philip)(Robert Duval/Robert Duvall)(13th Man Rule/10th Man Rule)(Was it another number?)(Didn't Krang never have an antenna?)("Tangled up in blue."/"Tangle up in blue.")(Ing to In' lyrics.)(Any of his lyrics look off?)(Theater Of Pain/Theatre Of Pain)(Brian ForresteBrian ForesteBrian ForsteBrien Foerster)(Brian ForresteBrian Forster)(Roahl Dahl/Ronald Dahl/Roald Dahl)("Warmest sunshine softer than a sponge."/"Warmest sunshine softer than a sigh.")($100 bills changed again.)(Do any of her logos look off?)(Panda dolphin now exists.)(John Lennon now has purse in the backstage photos of Abbey Road)(Cailou/Caillou)(Are any of the channel names it was broadcasted on off?)(White painted Easter Island eyes.)(Likeable/Likable)(Hairless rabbits now exist.)(Jimmy Fallen/Jimmy Fallon)(The Ying Yang Gang/Ying Yang Twins)(More Billy Joel lyric changes.)(More changes to the clothing of Pebbles Flintstone, and her belly button is now exposed.)(Australian flag, and flag history keep changing.)(Did cabbits not exist.)(There are over 21 moon landings.)(Splenda, or other alternative sugars never used in certain sodas.)(The history of IIII vs. IV now says IIII has been around longer, and IV wasn't used in Roman times.)(Square, rectangular, or diamond waves now exist.)(Dark City has changed.)("When you come to shoot, shoot don't talk."/"When you have to shoot, shoot don't talk.")(Saturn's rings are dull instead of colorful.)(China has lots of fake cities, and copycats like Paris, France.)(There is a porcelain doll face in the ocean from the Titanic.)(Did Gene Simmons die on January 22, 2010 for you, or another time?)(Rory from Gilmore Girls does a report on Hillary Clinton, and not Anne Frank.)(The Offsprings/The Offspring)(Dennis Norton/Denis Norden, and did he die in the early 2000's, or another time instead of September 19, 2018?)(Heintz/Heinz)(Has the pronunciation of Caillou changed?)(Has the Galaxy High School theme song changed?)(Penske, and DHL trucks now look orange, but are yellow.)(There is a debate going on about Gatorade, and Powerade, and how one flavor is yellow, or green.)(The light green vests people wear are a color debate.)(Weird looking clocks.)(NOAA now exists.)(Vogelkop now exists.)(The streets now have puddles in the Back To The Future, and The Karate Kid movies.)("Meat is meat.", and a missing Hannibal scene.)(Color phenomenon.)(Capcom logos changed.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Brant
6292.(Celebrity death that didn't happen.)Do you remember Rick Moranis dying?(Did Harold Ramis way before February 24, 2014?)(Anything else about Harold Ramis off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Moranis
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Ramis
6293.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember crows never being able to snowboard?
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/snowboarding-crows-the-plot-thickens/
6294.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember DMT not being a thing?(Did it not go by other names?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/N,N-Dimethyltryptamine
6295.(Band name change.)The Tramps/The Trammps(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Trammps
6296.(Famous Actor name change.)Walter Goggins/Walton Goggins
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walton_Goggins
6297.(Celebrity death that didn't happen.)Do you remember Ben Bova dying?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Bova
6298.(Famous Politician name change.)Julia Bishop/Julie Bishop
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julie_Bishop
6299.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the stars on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame being a different color?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_Walk_of_Fame
6300.(Movie Scene change.)Do you remember Kevin McCallister smacking his face more than once in the aftershave scene?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_qu4ZBCU6Fc
6301.(Music Lyrics change.)"It's been awhile."/"And it's been a while."("Since I could."/"Since I couln.")("I've seen the way the candle lights your face."/"I've seen the way the candles light your face.")(Stained/Staind)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Staind-its-been-awhile-lyrics
6302.(Music Lyrics change.)"There's a thousand people."/"A thousand people."(Stop Hey What's(What Is?)That Sound?/Stop Children What's That Sound?/For What It's(It Is?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Buffalo-springfield-for-what-its-worth-lyrics
6303.(Spelling change.)Pulmonary Aveolus/Pulmonary Alveolus(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_alveolus
6304.(Theme Song Lyrics change.)"Flying through the sky."/"Zooming through the sky."
https://genius.com/Billy-straus-little-einsteins-theme-song-lyrics
6305.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the Spanish Sahara not being a thing?(Were the mouth, and nose closer together?)(Is the neck longer?)(Was there never snow, or palm trees in England?)(Brittany Spears/Britney Spears)(Lots of US states look off.)(McDonald's M has changed again.)(Carol King/Carole King)(All Sesame Street characters have different eyes.)(Butterflies will now eat chicken feed.)(Jammin' by Bob Marley changed again.)(The famous sailor kiss photo changed again.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_Sahara
6306.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Suriname not existing?(Did it not go by other names?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suriname
6307.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Nikola Tesla, and Trump not being connected?
https://www.history.com/news/nikola-tesla-files-declassified-fbi
6308.(Movie name change.)Hedwig And The Angry Itch/Hedwig And The Angry Inch(Book too.)(Do any of the logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedwig_and_the_Angry_Inch_(film)
6309.(Famous Landmark name change.)House Of Hapsburg/House Of Habsburg(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Habsburg
6310.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Eddie Murphy never having a music career?(Were all the famous songs he did done by other people?)(Anything else off?)(Did he not do a song with Michael Jackson called Whatzupwitu?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Murphy_discography
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whatzupwitu
6311.(Spelling change.)Whitch/Which(Sandwitch/Sandwhitch/Sandwhich/Sandwich)
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/which
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich
6312.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these bands not existing?
https://www.loudersound.com/features/the-10-greatest-obscure-metal-bands-from-the-1970s-who-should-have-been-huge
6313.(Famous Wrestler name change.)Nicolai Volkoff/Nikolai Volkoff(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Volkoff
6314.(Famous Wrestler name change.)Paul Ordorff/Paul Orndorff(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Orndorff
6315.(Company name change.)Arthur Anderson/Arthur Andersen(Price Water House Cooper's/PricewaterhouseCoopers)(Ernest & Young/Ernst & Young)(Kidder Matthews/Kidder Mathews)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Andersen
6316.(Famous Actor name change.)Keenan Thompson/Kenan Thompson
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenan_Thompson
6317.(Song Title change.)"If I ruled the world."/"If I rule the world."(Anything else off?)(Lauren Hill/Lauryn Hill)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_I_Ruled_the_World_(Imagine_That)
6318.(Famous Singer name change.)Morrisey/Morrissey(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morrissey
6319.(Music Lyrics change.)"Don't take it."/"Don't tear it."(Was it always the same?)
https://genius.com/Nine-inch-nails-terrible-lie-lyrics
6320.(Music Lyrics change.)"Ain't talking 'bout love."/"Can't talking 'bout love."(Was it always the same?)(Ing to In' lyrics, and song title.)(Anything else about the lyrics, and song title off?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Van-halen-aint-talkin-bout-love-lyrics
6321.(Celebrity death that didn't happen.)Do you remember Rowan Atkinson dying?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rowan_Atkinson
6322.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember "Made in China" being on something meaning everything about that product was made in China?
https://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/08/business/worldbusiness/made-in-china-labels-dont-tell-whole-story.html
6323.(Celebrity death date change.)Do you remember Chet Baker dying in 1961, or 1993 instead of May 13, 1988?(Anything else off?)(Are there now missing chapters in the film The Wizard Of Oz, and lots of other stuff?)(Did Rex Reed die of AIDS(Aids?)in the 1990's?)(Anything in the A Day In The Life song off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chet_Baker
6324.(Spelling change.)Brat Worst/Bratwurst
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bratwurst
6325.(Phantom movie.)Do you remember Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd not existing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumberer:_When_Harry_Met_Lloyd
6326.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these Donald Trump cameos not happening?(The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, The Job, Suddenly Susan, Sex And The City, The Drew Carey Show, Two Weeks Notice, Spin City, The Nanny, The Associate, The Little Rascals, Zoolander, Eddie, Home Alone 2: Lost In New York, Quantum Leap, and did he not do WWE appearances?)(Did he not win the election at first?)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yosAVMB47-Y
6327.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different, or not a thing?(Sand cats, blue dye spinal cord cure, transformer owl, more changes to Mount Rushmore, the great molasses flood, sneezing marine iguanas, phantom clowns of 1981, coaxial rotors, ice discs, genetically modified 3 parent babies of the late 90's, rhesus macaques in Florida, more flag changes, twins conceived, and born at different times, sea sheep, poitou donkeys, tear drop grapes, more changes to the Statue Of Liberty, Pallas cat, Angora rabbit, Dianne Feinstein, macroevolution, Chimeron, more geography changes, more The Creation Of Adam changes, more sculpture, and painting changes, Japanese Geta, and foot binding, more changes to Shiva, Vancouver, California, Usa, Õita, China, Texas, made in USA means USA, China, made in the USA is the actual USA, Mexican grizzly bear, London beer flood, history of Hawaii.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xxr9L7mjGGs
6328.(Music Lyrics change.)"You make a grown man cry."/"You make a dead man come."(Was it always the same?)(Start It Up/Start Me Up)
https://genius.com/The-rolling-stones-start-me-up-lyrics
6329.(Music Lyrics change.)"To buy you things."/"To buy you thing."(Hard Day's Night/A Hard Day's Night)(Anything else off?)("Squandered my existence."/"Squandered my resistance.")(Lots of Bridge Over Troubled Waters stuff has become Bridge Over Troubled Water.)("I can't change time."/"I can't trace time.")(Do any of his logos look off?)("Stand up for your right."/"Stand up for your rights.")("Heaven is on the earth."/"Heaven is under the earth.")(Have any lyrics in Back In The U.S.S.R. by The Beatles changed?)(Anything else off?)
https://genius.com/The-beatles-a-hard-days-night-lyrics
https://genius.com/Simon-and-garfunkel-the-boxer-lyrics
https://genius.com/David-bowie-changes-lyrics
https://genius.com/Bob-marley-and-the-wailers-get-up-stand-up-lyrics
https://genius.com/The-beatles-back-in-the-ussr-lyrics
6330.(Treaty name change.)Kyoto Accord/Kyoto Protocol
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyoto_Protocol
6331.(Fictional Character name change.)Gus Frey/Gus Fring
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gus_Fring
6332.(Special name change.)Treehouse Of TerroTreehouse Of Horror
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treehouse_of_Horror
6333.(Company name change.)Amber Crombie & Fitch/Ambercrombie & Fitch/Abercrombie & Fitch(Does the logo look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abercrombie_%26_Fitch
6334.(Music Lyrics change.)"Make believe that you'll always have me."/"Make believe that you're always happy."(Ing to In' lyrics.)
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/godsmack/awake.html
6335.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these cities, and similar places not existing?(Santa Claus, Indiana.)(Intercourse, Pennsylvania.)(Idiotville, Oregon.)(Toad Suck, Arkansas.)(Eighty Eight, Kentucky.)(Eighty Four, Pennsylvania.)(Ding Dong, Texas.)(Cut And Shoot, Texas.)(Saint-Louis-Du-Ha!-Ha!, Québec(Quebec?), Canada.)(Hot Coffee, Mississippi.)(Knockemstiff, Ohio.)(Two Egg, Florida.)(Rabbit Hash, Kentucky.)(Cookietown, Oklahoma.)(Glen Campbell, Pennsylvania.)(Accident, Maryland.)(Big Arm, Montana.)(Chicken, Alaska.)(Coupon, Pennsylvania.)(Dogtown, Alabama.)(Embarrass, Minnesota.)(Eureka, California.)(Eureka, Kansas.)(Experiment, Georgia.)(Fertile, Iowa.)(Frankenstein, Missouri.)(Gaylordsville, Connecticut.)(Hazard, Nebraska.)(Hell, Michigan.)(Hippo, Kentucky.)(Imalone, Wisconsin.)(Kickapoo, Kansas.)(Los Baños, California.)(Marrowbone, Tennessee.)(Mexican Water, Arizona.)(Mock City, Washington.)(Money, Mississippi.)(Mosquitoville, Vermont.)(Ninety Six, South Carolina.)(Nothing, Arizona.)(Oatmeal, Texas.)(Office Hall, Virginia.)(Okay, Oklahoma.)(Paw Paw, West Virginia.)(Pee Pee, Ohio.)(Pie Town, New Mexico.)(Pigeon, Michigan.)(Protection, Kansas.)(Red Shirt, South Dakota.)(Rough And Ready, California.)(Searchlight, Nevada.)(Spread Eagle, Wisconsin.)(Tightwad, Missouri.)(Toast, North Carolina.)(Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico.)(Twig, Minnesota.)(Unalaska, Alaska.)(Uncertain, Texas.)(Virgin, Utah.)(War, West Virginia.)(Waterproof, Louisiana.)(What Cheer, Iowa.)(Whynot, North Carolina.)(Y City, Arkansas.)(Zap, North Dakota.)(Monkeys Eyebrow, Kentucky.)(Bumpass, Virginia.)(Anus, France.)(Windpassing, Austria.)(Humptulips, Washington.)(Yolo County, California.)(Boring, Oregon.)(Hooker, Oklahoma.)(Weed, California.)(Batman, Turkey.)(Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales.)(Why, Arizona.)(Dildo, Newfoundland And Labrador,(Newfoundland?)Canada.)(Lickskillet, Texas.)(Cheesequake, New Jersey.)(Nowhere Else, Australia.)(Titty Hill, England.)(Santa Claus, Georgia.)(Puke, Albania.)(Fartsville, Indiana.)(Poopsdale, Indiana.)(Cool, California.)(Beer, Devon, England.)(Disco, Tennessee.)(Fear Not, Pennsylvania.)(Rest And Be Thankful, Argyll And Butte, Scotland.)(Surprise, Arizona.)(Climax, Pennsylvania.)(Arsenic Tubs, New Mexico.)(Dismal, Tennessee.)(Double Trouble, New Jersey.)(Moron, Mongolia.)(Satan’s Kingdom, Vermont.)(Who’s Thought It, Texas.)(Cabbage Patch, California.)(Silly, Belgium.)(Sweet Lips, Tennessee.)Polkadott, Ohio.)(Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario, Canada.)(Bread Loaf, Vermont.)(Clam, Virginia.)(Egg, Austria.)(Eek, Alaska.)(Hurt, Virginia.)(Monster, Netherlands.)(River Styx, Ohio.)(Bumble Bee, Arizona.)(Porcupine, South Dakota.)(Doghouse Junction, California.)(Bangs, Texas.)(Soda Springs, Idaho.)(Bluff, Alaska.)(Placentia, California.)(Fries, Virginia.)(Dinosaur, Colorado.)(American Fork, Utah.)(Concrete, Washington.)(Briny Breezes, Florida.)(Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina.)(Canadian, Texas.)(Superior, Wyoming.)(Atomic City, Idaho.)(Coward, South Carolina.)(Three Way, Tennessee.)(Winnebago, Minnesota.)(Last Chance, Iowa.)(Speed, North Carolina.)(Oblong, Illinois.)(Colon, Michigan.)(Pink, Michigan.)(Blue Grass, Iowa.)(Popejoy, Iowa.)
http://mentalfloss.com/article/27987/15-places-strange-names-and-how-they-got-them
https://thoughtcatalog.com/michael-koh/2014/01/52-weird-names-of-places-in-the-united-states-that-you-just-cant-believe-are-real/
https://www.rd.com/funny-stuff/36-funny-places-to-live-around-the-world/
https://www.babbel.com/en/magazine/the-35-weirdest-city-and-town-names-in-the-usa/
6336.(Music Lyrics change.)"The Red Queen's lost her head."/"The Red Queen's off with her head."(Anything else off?)
https://genius.com/amp/Jefferson-airplane-white-rabbit-lyrics
6337.(Phantom movie.)Do you remember The Bourne Identity from 1988 not being a thing?(The Born series/The Borne series/The Bourne series)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bourne_Identity_(1988_film)
6338.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember this viral photo being a beach, or a door?(Anything else off?)
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/fl-reg-is-it-beach-or-door-twitter-photo-20180831-story.html
6339.(Music Lyrics change.)"She's been all around the block."/"She been all around the block."("There's been as many hands on her as the knob on a door."/"There's been many hands on her as the knob on the door.")("She will ride through the flames of Hell."/"She will walk through the flames of Hell.")(Anything else off?)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/she-loves-my-cock-lyrics-jackyl.html
6340.(Music Lyrics change.)"Like a blister in the Sun."/"Like I blister in the Sun."(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Violent-femmes-blister-in-the-sun-lyrics
6341.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the cover art for Little Nicky being different in any way?(Does the logo look off?)
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/little_nicky/
6342.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember it being more certain that King Arthur, and everything surrounding him actually existed?
https://www.history.com/news/was-king-arthur-a-real-person
6343.(History change.)Do you remember there being way more bras burned during the women's protests than there actually were?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_America_protest
6344.(Date change.)Do you remember the first air-to-air missles being made around 1930, and not as far back as 1916?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Prieur_rocket
6345.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the company in Total Recall being called Recall Incorporated instead of Rekall Incorporated?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Recall_(1990_film)
6346.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Jason Bateman, or someone else starring as the older version of Zac Efron in 17 Again instead of Matthew Perry?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/17_Again_(film)
6347.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Selena Gomez always snapping her fingers, or using her wand to make the logo appear in the Wizards Of Waverly Place theme song instead of looking in her bag?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizards_of_Waverly_Place
6348.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Double, Double, Toil And Trouble being about a Halloween sleepover instead of what it is now?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double,_Double,_Toil_and_Trouble
6349.(Album Logo change.)Do you remember the kid holding a bat on the Regional At Best album cover by Twenty ØNE PILØTS?(Anything else off?)(21 Pilots?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
http://twenty-one-pilots.wikia.com/wiki/Regional_at_Best
6350.(Song Title change.)What About Angels/Not About Angels(Any of the lyrics off?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Birdy-not-about-angels-lyrics
6351.(Date change.)Do you remember Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius(Jimmy Neutron?)being released after The Adventures Of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius(The Adventures Of Jimmy Neutron?)instead of before?(Any of the logos look off?)(Anything else off?)(Debby Derryberry/Debi Derryberry)(Was Debi never an acceptable spelling of Debby?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius
6352.(Music Lyrics change.)"You think you the mob?"/"You think you mob?"("Motherfucking belts."/"Motherfucker's belt.")("We bad boy killas."/"We bad boy killa.")(Anything else off?)(Do any of any of their logos look off?)(Ing to In' lyrics.)
https://genius.com/2pac-hit-em-up-lyrics
6353.(Music Lyrics change.)"She's still my lady."/"She's still my baby."(Any of the other lyrics off?)(Do any of his logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Charlie-rich-behind-closed-doors-lyrics
6354.(Famous Actor name change.)Stephen Anell/Stephen Amell
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Amell
6355.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different, or not a thing?(US flag changed again, Sphinx changed again, Vitruvian Man changed again, Mount Rushmore changed again, The Creation Of Adam changed again, The Last Supper changed again, Mary Magdalene history changed, The Thinker changed again, 10% of people have a spinal abnormality, or having a 6th vertebrae, giant otters changed again, the moon tilted, changes in the rules of wisdom teeth, human feet changed again, lots of new sea creatures, scientists turn sunlight to fuel, plant that copies other plants, pink wasn't always for girls, and blue wasn't always for boys, and FDR, and other boys around his time dressed like girls at a young age, gypsy horse, silver horse, qinling panda, 100-year-old self-playing violin, 1939 radio wave driven fax machines first patented in 1843, du temple monoplane with steam engine 29 years before the Wright Brothers, the boy with no brain that regrew brain after birth.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zIRvieS8LHA
6356.(Music Lyrics change.)"The hills are filled."/"Hills are filled."("Driving down the freeway."/"Driving down your freeway.")(Ing to In' lyrics.)
https://genius.com/The-doors-la-woman-lyrics
6357.(Movie name change.)Face Off/Face/Off(Other logos, and similar things used around the movie changed too.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face/Off
Add-On: Do you remember Santa Claus having buttons on his suit?(Chris Cringle/Kris Kringle)(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus
6358.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the phone booth in the Bill & Ted movies saying Telephone instead of Phone?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_%26_Ted%27s_Excellent_Adventure
6359.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Atlantis being described as a continent instead of a city on an island?(Was there more assurance it existed?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantis
Add-On: Do you remember these things not being pink, or green?(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-ydjJQONpCU
6360.(History change.)Do you remember Benjamin Franklin only using a key in the kite experiment, and not a bottle?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kite_experiment
6361.(Spelling change.)Qualude/Quāālude(Other spellings?)(Is the pronunciation off?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methaqualone
6362.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different, or not a thing?(Risso's dolphin, pygmy killer whale, some sharks are warm-blooded partially, Sumatran rhinos, Tamaraw, Poitou donkey, Cary Grant never says "Judy. Judy. Judy.", Sgt. Joe Friday "Nothing but the facts ma'am.", or "Just the facts ma'am." is never said, and other stuff surrounding it is off, and the Dragnet logo changed, "Made up of whole cloth." is now a saying, Al Gore never says "I invented the internet.", alligators, and crocodiles used to be completely violent, lots of animals are more aggressive, and pee, and poop on themselves, and each other, and other places, elephants leak out gross stuff everywhere, Sarah Palin never says anything like "I can see Russia from my house." during the 2008 campaign, and other stuff surrounding it is off, Charles Boyer never says anything like "Come with me to the casbah." in any movie,(Does the movie cover logo look off at all?)"Badges, we don't need no stinking badges." is not the actual quote from The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre, rattlesnakes now climb trees, and disappearing from certain places, carbon dating is completely off, red heifers have already been bred, cicadas making weird sounds, and disappearing from certain places, colorful new birds, and weird new bird sounds, crows look different, plans to build third Israel(Isreal?)(Is the pronunciation off?)temple, lots of geography changes, lots more Adam's apple changes, and other body changes, hoodwinker sunfish, and there is more than one kind of sunfish, and they look off, Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson changed again, Bar Mitzvah used to be spelled, and pronounced different, more of Einstein's life has changed, more changes to tardigrade, Lazarus sign, lots more info on Nikola Tesla, and his existence is a change for some, more weird scarab beetles, more changes to Statue Of Liberty, ancient virus responsible for human conscious, water molecules found in Jupiter's Great Red Spot(Big Red Spot?), lung fish, weird nose tricks, more changes to Mount Rushmore, more changes to Shiva.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2eyqmbCwv0E
6363.(Movie Quote change.)"That's a fact Jack."/That's the fact Jack."(Razzle Dazzle/Razzle-Dazzle)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FOzub_ghAbM
6364.(T.V. Show name change.)Galaxy High/Galaxy High School(Is the Team Galaxy logo off?)(Kid Video/Kidd Video, and is the logo off?)(The Biscuits/The Biskitts)(The Quicky Koala Show/The Kwiky Koala Show)(Anything else off?)(Is the 6teen(16, or Sixteen logo off?)
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0229405/
6365.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the iconic door chase scene being popularized, and created by Scooby-Doo?
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ScoobyDoobyDoors
6366.(Music Lyrics change.)"Hey, good looking."/"Hey hey, good looking."/"Say hey, good looking."(Ing to In' lyrics.)(Anything else off?)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/hey-good-lookin-lyrics-hank-williams.html
6367.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Isaac Hayes quitting South Park because he passed away instead of Scientology?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isaac_Hayes
6368.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember fire hydrants being only red, yellow, and sometimes silver?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_hydrant
6369.(Movie Quote change.)"I'll be your huckleberry."/"I'm your huckleberry."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R8OWNspU_yE
6370.(Restaurant name change.)Romano's Macaroni And Grill/Romano's Macaroni Grill(Was it something else?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romano's_Macaroni_Grill
6371.(Music Lyrics change.)"They wrote you."/"I wrote you."
https://genius.com/System-of-a-down-lost-in-hollywood-lyrics
6372.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Freddy Krueger always having a red, and green sweater instead of red, and black, or dark gray?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddy_Krueger
6373.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember this game only as Bean Bag Toss, and nothing else, and were they only known as bean bags?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornhole
submitted by iminterestingplease to Retconned [link] [comments]


2018.06.07 06:38 TheShapist [OC] Human Funerals: How They Mourn

The year is 2089, Humanity was contacted and uplifted roughly a decade ago by a few races who wished to bring the diverse and intriguing race to the forefront of galactic attention. To maintain diplomatic peace within the system there is a goverment organization that records and transcribed all etiquette and ceremonies, every bit of a planets culture as possible to ease the interactions between species.
As the medium ferry exited the transfer portal Stragus checked over his luggage once again. He was chosen for this particular venture in record keeping on the account that his race and the Humans were friendly. The Humans were generally talkative and jovial but never personal except with a handful of races that were either involved in the uplifting or supported them. As a Carpaxian his race was more to the periphery, offering current technology and cultural documents to the humans to facilitate their integration. This promised to be a simple affair, he was to observe a death ceremony for a fallen human; on the surface it seemed simple but from the records he had read there were several dozen different funerary practices on this planet and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't eager to observe this one.
Stragus was a recorder from his planet and was eventually recruited into a galactic team of recorders, he had observed several spectacles in his time, he had witnessed wedding ceremonies that required sacrifices, honor pacts, tribal blood bonding ceremonies on different death worlds and near-death worlds. He enjoyed his work tremendously as it gave a view into the depth of a culture, with his observation and recording he could himself, and help others, understand how different planets and species operated. He didn't have an ego per se, but he had a high opinion of himself and his station.
Stragus was an average Carpaxian, humanoid in general shape but deviated heavily from those he observed. His race was thin and wiry, different shades of yellow skin ranging from almost white to almost green depending on a number of factors. The Carpaxian were an amiable species by nature, their world was not inhospitable at all, if only for some minor volcanic activity near the poles. His head was rigidly structured, nearly 1.5 feet long and cylindrical. His race required 4 eyes in a straight row across their 'face'. His species was a bit diminutive at only about 3 feet tall but they were respected for their diligence.
He looked down at this planet one more time and began to wonder, what would this particular ceremony be like? He'd read other reports of large wooden or iron boxes buried in dirt, ceremonial burnings, burial at sea, even some of this species used their remains for things such as book bindings or musical apparatus'. He was genuinely pleased with the assignment and with the fact that this was suggested by the humans themselves. A Human had contacted the Galactic Records Office with a request for someone to observe a 'real' funeral. With the consternation and seriousness in the males voice they felt it was best to observe.
What could it be? Did they dissolve the deceased in acid and use him as paint? Maybe they kept him on a slab for all to witness and decompose...or perhaps they even ate them? He couldn't think like this, deathworld species were generally harsh but the humans had proven time and again that they were worthy of being declared sapient and sentient with the amount of compassion they showed for others...on a general scale that is. Some humans, like most species, had bad eggs that went against the norm and purposefully caused harm to others....
Caught in his musings he barely felt the pod he was in land in the sandy desert area, the jostle from said landing awakened him and he let himself out. Luckily the wind was very mild, barely a breeze really, and his sponsor was there. The human in front of him stood by a two wheeled land cruiser it seemed, though the amount of chrome and decorations seemed excessive, pendants, paints, patterns, inlays, engravings, additions...the customization made it look like an art piece. The human himself was...really in the same boat it seemed.
The male wore a thin metal and rubber head cover with a strap under its jaw and a pair of dark eye covers. His face was covered with hair that reached his chest which was bare except for a large vest made of animal hide...primitive indeed it seemed. On his hands he wore several metal rings and bands, some with letters or symbols and couple with patterns and engravings just like his bike. He wore heavy boots and thick rugged material over its legs and what skin Stragus could see was painted various shades that he knew to be permanent. The designs were sometimes abstract but other times realistic, describing animals or symbolism, some of it was just words or sayings but he was very much covered, possibly the most Stragus had seen on a human before.
Stragus reached out with his small appendage, the 4 digits trembling lightly at the larger specimen and waited, he knew this part to be correct from his readings at least. The human stood for a moment, a little over double the height of the xeno in front of him with his arms crossed before reaching out. Clamping down on the small Carpaxians hand with enough force to let the other know he was stronger than him but the 'handshake' was done and over...but now the human wore a grin.
"Well...A Carpaxian eh? I've met a couple a' you before, you're good people in my eyes, not like some of those other sky-types." The human said, finishing with a small laugh.
Stragus was a little surprised, the human spoke in a slightly different dialect than what he had prepped. He'd do his best but it seemed the language had some intricacies with tone and inflection he didn't quite know.
"Thank you...sir...I hope I can record your ceremony accurately and respectfully." He said slightly robotically, he had practiced the saying enough that he was certain it was correct, though the addition of the 'sir' was one he was advised to do by a colleague.
"May I ask where the ceremony is taking place?...It does not seem like we are with company." he clarified, if he looked in every direction there was sand, sand, sand, some rocks and some sand.
"Sure sure, you gotta come with me, I'm takin' you to the place right now but you gotta hold on tight...here." He said as he threw a small...bowl at him?
"Its a newer helmet, it'll meld to your skull and keep you safe." The large human said as he picked the xeno up by his spacesuits collar and placing him on the back of the 2 wheeled land cruiser.
"What is this craft?" Stragus asked.
"Its called a motorcycle, the greatest way to get around on land, not the safest but definitely the most fun!" The human barked before giving a kick, immediately startling the poor alien as it revved to life with a roar. Sounding like a hundred drums hitting right after the other and continuing. The Carpaxian gripped the human with its long arms, he could deduce what was going to happen. The Human was planning on relying on inertia and physics to keep them balanced on this craft and if he wasn't careful he could be thrown from it, he finished that thought just as the human laughed again before speeding off, the front wheel coming off the ground for a couple feet before slamming down, the human making animal like barks and yips as they sped through the desert. The vibrations made his cranial dome feel like it was being electrocuted but that only made him grip harder, with a few yells of concern that probably got lost in the wind and sound of the machines engine.
After some time, approximately 20 minutes he was told by the human, they arrived at a small human settlement and pulled to the right where the bike stopped and the human got off. Not going anywhere but looking down at the alien.
"Now listen fella, I got permission from the Old Guys that this was alright but they wanted you to be...hidden okay? I know cloaking exists and it would probably make some of the mourners happier if you weren't recording them." The human said sternly. Stragus had had this happen before, some species were very specific when it came to funerals, typing a few things onto the screen on the arm of his suit he was soon nigh invisible to the human, the suit bending light around his form. If he was still no one could see him but if he moved it caused a slight shimmer...it wasn't the most up to date suit but it would do.
"Will this suffice sir? And you may call me Stragus." he said amicably.
"Perfect Stragus! Everyone calls me Rook, on account a' me only being able to drive in a straight line." he said with a laugh, giving a small smack to the back of the aliens body. There wasn't much more as he was instructed to keep the cloak on for the duration of his stay, the ceremony would last a couple of hours.
They pulled into a large parking lot surrounded by doors, other males wearing the same attire as his escort, though now he could notice that they all the same symbol on their backs, seemingly sewn into the vests they wore was the image of a laughing skull with sand coming out of its orifices, on the top of the vest it said "Deserts Dregs" and on the bottom it had variations of geographical locations. Some were lacking one or the other and even still some had more patches. Some with names, dates, both, others with just symbols and others with a '1%' over the heart. They were all drinking and with a female partner. The females wore clothing of all the same color with the name "Deserts Dregs" plastered everywhere. This appeared to be the ceremony...
He set to work, hopping off the bike as his escort went about his business, greeting and yelling. Drinking seemed to be the name of this ceremony, with cups overflowing and spills resulting in some scuffles and then laughs. Women of different ages sat together, sometimes younger ones gathered around an older matriarch of sorts but most of the time all people went everywhere. There didn't appear to be a real caste system, maybe a hierarchy but nothing rigid. The only place that seemed to be off limits was where the oldest males were, they had shuffled into a room that was guarded by two large, even larger than his escort, males that didn't react to much stimuli. He observed until the sun was high and then he heard a shout, the merriment was still there but now it was subdued slightly. The hundred or so bikes that were there started moving and revving, gathering in a straight line...
Stragus straightened his spine as he watched a woman bring out a small black wooden box and put in the lap of the lead bike rider. The rider nodded once and gave the woman a hug and waited. Others came to the lead bike, touching the box or hugging the rider and soon he got the signal from his escort. He hopped from his perch and landed behind him, foregoing the helmet this time because it was easier to cloak without it. He held on just as tight as before if not a little tighter due to the noise.
"Okay friend...hold on and we'll be at the burial site." The human said with a bit of resignation. Stragus catalogued it right before the bikes moved as one, each one close behind the one in front of it and they nearly never deviated from the spacing. The bikes roared down a black strip that seemed to go on forever before a smattering of trees and green came up on the right. Stragus hopped off at the entrance marked 'Graveyard'. Observing the long train of machines, most having 2 wheels, one or two having three and then he was perplexed, there were more here...he saw that they weren't wearing the same patch as his escort, some with coffins and wings, others with burning hearts, and a solo wearing a patch that looked like a twisted laughing face.
Were they clans? tribes? Blood feuds that needed to be fought now? He wanted to warn his escort but a standoff had already started. The oldest of the Dregs and the oldest of the others collection walked out and stared at each other. Some of the dregs had their hands in their vests or others on their waist bands, Stragus feared he may have to run to his pod and escape but the opposing elder reached out a hand...
"I'm sorry to hear about Buzz..." The elder said remorsefully, his throat moving in uncomfortable patterns, Stragus changed his focus to the other elder, he'd heard this ones name was Atlas...not because he was quite the physical specimen but because he could never find his way without a map or atlas.
Atlas waited a second before reaching out and gripping the others hand, both arms straining for a second, seeking dominance and it seemed like the opposer was the first to relent...once the hand shake was over they came together in an embrace, a quick one but still an embrace. Atlas turned to the others, his short and elderly form reaching up with both hands to speak to everyone.
"No fightin' today, not here. Buzz wouldn't a wanted it." he said in his gravelly voice, soon the hands began to inch away from their pockets and waistbands, knives went back into sheaths and Stragus saw that what they were grabbing for was firearms...nearly half the crowd was armed enough to be arrested in most other parts of the galaxy.
Stragus observed the collection of people move toward a hole in the ground, big enough for the small box to fit into, he deduced it was filled with remains and as they got closer there was a picture of the man they were burying. He was sitting at a counter, holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. The man was laughing and far past middle aged, the dates on the tombstone said he was 70 human years old, not that old Stragus knew but, it looked like this human did enough living for two lifetimes.
The man they were burying in the picture had long hair that went backwards over his head with a prominent widows peak, his skin was red but it looked like that was the shade it always was. he was barrel chested and wore the same vest as his escort Rook and Atlas, with more patches than the others though. The group formed a circle around the hole in the ground and a woman came forward, she looked to be the same age as the man in the photo, she wore a vest too with "Property of Buzz" emblazoned on the back in large letters. Stragus presumed it was this Buzz's wife and from her tears it was true. She laid the box down and went to sit under a small tent with other individuals, including another male that looked similar to the man, a little taller and heavier but facial hair and structure, he guessed it was his heir.
Atlas came forward and gave began to speak of the man, he spoke of how much fun they had over the last 50 years, how this man had helped him grow strong and smart. Others came forward, some too influence by grief or liquor that they didn't make much sense. A man named 'Dynamite' came forward and spoke of how many crimes they had broken together, how this man was. quote "The worst drug dealer I've ever seen...any time we'd sell somethin' he'd give the money to one of you fuckers to help you out..." that got a laugh from them all, they knew of his generosity.
The next group to come forward were from the other tribes, they spoke of interactions with the man, The one that shook Atlas's hand came up last.
"My names B.K....means Bloody Knuckles. I represent the club the Visigoths...the one time I met Buzz was during the feud from some time ago."
So Stragus was right, they were rivals and enemies but an armistice had been called on account of this mans death...he must have commanded respect.
"I came out of our club-house in Arkansas, Stripes had just got married I think...anyway, I come out to have a smoke with some friends, and I see someone laying down in the grass, next to a bike I never seen before." He takes a breath, smiling at the memory.
"I kick him a little to wake him up and I see the vest over the handlebars aint one of ours...in fact its kinda the main pain in the ass we had. I get ready for a fight but he just keep laying there and says. 'What?', like I'm rude for wakin his ass up."
Another laugh, that did sound like him apparently, or something he was known to do.
"I ask him what he's doin' here and this son of a....he tells me 'Just needed a safe place to sleep.' So I brought him in, gave him food, something to drink and let him sleep inside...this crazy S.O.B. started our peace talks that night....I'll keep the promise I made to Buzz, The Visigoths and The Deserts Dregs got no problem with each other...and we'll help you out if you need it."
He walked to his side of the circle and everyone was quiet as a small prayer was uttered and the one known as Dynamite came forward with the one I presumed was the heir. Each took a shovel and began to bury the box, the process was only a few minutes long but stretched for an eternity. Soon eyes were dried and almost all the people left, Stragus was so busy that he missed his escort and was left standing in the graveyard...he could probably record what this particular place looked like for future reference.
As he turned around he saw the heir standing next to the grave, this came with the territory he knew but he never like observing very private moments like this, he still recorded for posterity and reference but tried not to pay attention.
"Hey Dad...hell of a party you had out here I guess. Uhh...I got the tire fixed on my bike...got some of those new nano type shit so it'll fix itself when I get a flat...I'll save up and get it for the other tire too one of these days." The heir laughed and kicked at the sand.
"You know, we never got to ride together...we never got to drink together since I'm still too young...you'll never see me get married...or graduate the academy..." The heir gave a cough to cover himself.
"I miss you dad...I'll make sure to live just like you taught me, I'll take care of the house and Ma, I'll even help watch the girls even though they're older than me...I'll make you proud dad...promise." The man said, walking forward and touching the headstone before turning...facing right at where Stragus was cloaked....
"You gonna come out or am I gonna have to chuck somethin' at ya?" The human said with a bit of force. Stragus figured it was best to come clean and deactivated the apparatus. This human didn't wear a vest and had no tattoos and at close range could be discerned as much younger than the ones who did sport those items...perhaps a ritual.
"Figures...A Carpaxian, let me guess you're probably recording something for the Galactic government right?" He guessed, with a bit of distaste. All Stragus could do was nod his head, this is why he didn't like to observe these moments, if you were caught it usually led to something like this, usually violent and diplomatically bad.
The human came forward and knelt in front of the alien, staring at him with blue eyes that looked slightly bloodshot. He wore some rings, similar to those worn by others, but the thing that bothered Stragus was the smile on his face. He didn't like the smiles on humans...others species showed happiness better with scents or colors.
"You really wanna see somethin'? You're coming with me." The human said and threw the alien onto a bike. Taking off before the alien could right himself and forcing Stragus to grab on in a death grip, The human pulled down heavy plastic and metal goggled that were tinted and attached to the helmet on his head. The heir rode until they were out into the desert, with no city lights visible, though the sun was still high. The human got off and reached out a hand which Stragus took.
"My names Zapp...I'm Buzz's son if you couldn't guess. You're gonna be here to witness somethin' friend..." He waited for the alien to give a name.
"Stragus...sir."
"Don't call me sir, I aint old enough. But listen to me, my old man said he did 186 miles per hour on these flats 20 year ago on his bike...somethin' I always wanted to do in honor of him but never had the guts, tell ya the truth I've never gone past 140....but that changes today. He's lookin' down at me right now and he's darin' me to try it..." The human backed away suddenly and yelled out to the sky.
"Well ya hear me old man! I'm gonna SMOKE you on these flats! I'll catch your ass and make you eat my DUST!" The human finished with a yell and hopped onto the bike, pulling out an elastic chord of some kind he bound the alien to him to secure him. "Get ready Stragus! We're catchin' my dad once and for all!"
With a mighty kick the bike roared to life, small bits of flame coming out of the large exhaust pipes to the side, the force actually moving some of the sand around them. The bike was bulkier than others he'd seen, A dark blue with white inlay, a reasonable amount of chrome and the manufacturer emblazoned on the side. A fat rear tire and a narrow front connected by metal and tubes to where the human gripped the bike and twisted, when he did the bike roared louder.
"Ya here that! She wants to ride too! Dad always said you can tell when the bike wants to go fast!" They set off as the man finished his sentence, immediately reaching the speed that Rook reached earlier which made Stragus thankful for the strap.
"Ya can't be scared yet! We're only up to 70!" The human yelled, dear lord it was moments like these that he hated his job. As the dial climbed he watched it without closing his eyes, the needle moving past 100 and 110 quickly and the human only gritted his teeth. Screaming with the engine as he slammed his foot down into the next gear. 120 and 130 were left behind and 140 waved us on as well. He gave up on watching the dial and focused on holding on. After a few seconds he heard the human again.
"Thats 160 gone! Hells Bells this is one hell of a ride!" The human yelled, even as they passed 170 and were closing in on 180...thank god it was almost over. The cloud of dust behind them was immense and kind of hypnotizing, they were traveling at such a speed that there was a small gap between the wheel and where the dust started to rise. He heard the heir yell again and realized that they had passed 180.
"There he is! We gotta catch him!" The human yelled, which told Stragus that he was most likely insane, but as he looked past the humans midsection he could see something...something black like the vests the others wore with that symbol? The figure turned its head around but maintained speed, its shaded eyes not paying much attention but the young man screamed again.
"I'm not losin' again! I'm catchin' you!" he shouted, pulling a chord and letting the saddlebags fall off the bike before slamming his foot down one more time and the bike got another surge of life! Its revs went down one more time before his twisting sent them up, and the dial shot up. The bike caught the image in front of them and as they passed by the shadow the Carpaxian could've sworn that he saw it give a thumbs up before being swallowed up by the torrent of sand they were leaving. Looking passed the human again he look at the dial, it was almost to 200 now!
"Sir! Sir! We need to slow down and stop! Please!" He yelled, smacking the human on the back but the human shook its head no and looked down. Stragus knew he couldn't do anything to stop the madman but he held on and soon the human did in fact come to a stop. The human was panting and his arms were shaking as his hands clenched tightly over the bars...looking to the side Stragus saw his pod that would bring him back to the ship...hopping off the bike on legs made of jelly he looked up at the human who took off the goggles and stared back, his eyes dripping and turning the sand on his face to mud, but he was still smiling.
"Thanks Spaceman...I'm glad you could see that...Me and my dad were kinda...competitive through my life and I couldn't let him beat me forever. Old man probably thinks I'm dumb as rocks for going 211 on these damn flats..." The human trailed off but Stragus knew how to read a species, The human looked lighter than before, its hands were starting to stop shaking and his breathing was regular.
"I think your father...would have been proud of you Zapp." He said seriously, which the human nodded and gave a thumbs up before bursting out laughing and fell into the sand, holding his stomach in a moment of mirth, relief, happiness and a bit of grief...Stragus took that as his cue to leave, hopping into his pod he activated the return function. Leaving the seemingly mad human to his own devices but as he looked out into the desert, the cloud of dust kicked up by the heir was going away but there was another going perpendicular to it...Stragus pressed his face to the glass and tried to see but all he could see was that shadowy figure...disappear...the dust trail fading away with it.
Stragus took a breath and stopped the recording, Humans were odd, their planet was odd to say the least, going through his opinion of humans from what he'd read and now experienced...he decided that how they mourn should fit that moniker as well.
Hello all, this is my first post on HFY as an author and I did my best, be critical of my writing and give me tips on how to improve or let me know if I got any spellings wrong. I'll say that I based this off of personal experience, my father was an outlaw Biker and this is what his funeral was like, however I have changed every name in the story and obviously fictionalized certain parts to add to it. I do not condone drinking and driving like what I wrote but thats what happened and also don't recommend going that fast in sand. I've never done it but I've gone 80 in sand and it was something that I wouldn't recommend.
Cheers fellas, hope you enjoyed my story.
Edit: Special thanks to lullabee for the grammatical errors.
submitted by TheShapist to HFY [link] [comments]


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